


Time Makes You Bolder

by shortstackedcheesecake96



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Episode - You're Getting Old, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, High School, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, Pining, childhood crushes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:55:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 39,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28861392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortstackedcheesecake96/pseuds/shortstackedcheesecake96
Summary: Stan's parents divorce and move away, leaving the best friend position in Kyle's life vacant. Eric gladly fills this vacancy, but it's not until Stan returns when they're 16 years old does he realise just how deep his feelings actually run.
Relationships: Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak, Eric Cartman/Craig Tucker, Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman, Kyle Broflovski/Stan Marsh
Comments: 82
Kudos: 119





	1. you sure know how to kill me

**Author's Note:**

> Anybody who has read my fics is probably having some deja vu right now because I've writen You're Getting Old inspired fics before, and honestly it may be one of my fave Kyman tropes of all time? I love it. But I've only ever written oneshots based around it, so a multi-chapter is long overdue. Will writing a multi-chapter about this trope get it out of my system? I don't know. Probably not. But I'm going to do it anyway.
> 
> Fic title is of course a lyric from Landslide by Fleetwood Mac, and chapter title is from Drop the Guillotine by Peach Pit. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy, and I'd love to know your thoughts!

_If it's not under attack by mutant, Thanksgiving turkeys, or a Mecha-Streisand, or an out-of-control hippie festival, South Park can be pretty boring. Especially if your dumb bitch mom won't give you an advance on your allowance, and your best friend is poor as shit already. Still, when that happens you've just got to get creative. Right now, Eric is brainstorming with Kenny how they are going to spend an otherwise long, boring Saturday in South Park._

_"We could blow up your sister's Barbies?"_

_"No," Kenny replies. "Karen's stuff is off-limits."_

_Eric huffs._

_"Dude, why do you care? They're not your toys!"_

_"We're not blowing up her stuff, dude, so just drop it!"_

_There's a little pissed off crease in Kenny's forehead telling Eric to back off. He's proficient in a couple of languages, the most obscure being Kenny's eyebrows._

_"Okay... how about a squirrel? Or a frog?"_

_Kenny nods._

_"That sounds sweet. I don't think Kyle would be into that though."_

_Eric rolls his eyes._

_"Stan has a boner for animals not Kyle. We don't have to think about him anymore."_

_"Yeah, but Kyle probably wouldn't wanna kill something."_

_"This is why we needed to come up with something before we got to Kyle's," Eric remarks, as they approach Kyle's front door. He gives the door his usual impatient knock._

_Kenny leans in close._

_"Oh, and dude, try not to talk about Stan so much, okay? Kyle's still fragile."_

_Eric huffs again._

_"Fine." His voice slips into sarcasm. "It's gonna be real difficult but-"_

_"I'm serious, Cartman."_

_"Me too!"_

_Honestly, Eric is sick of talking about Stan. Even though they had been best friends since preschool, he somehow is not a noticeable enough absence for Eric to understand why for Kenny and Kyle he's such a touchy subject, but one they can't help but talk about at every opportunity. Well, he gets it for Kyle. He and Stan were inseparable, and even if since Stan's cynicism diagnosis things hadn't been the same, at least if he stayed in South Park he was close enough that Kyle could see him every day. Reconciliation was possible. Now Mr Marsh is living in an apartment all by himself, and Stan has moved to Arizona, so Kyle doesn't even have that luxury anymore._

_Eric can relate to that, having somebody you couldn't imagine not seeing everyday being torn away from you. It makes him wonder why Kyle doesn't just bring Stan back, if he cares about him and misses him this much. He guesses some people aren't as determined as he is. He doesn't know if it was determination that made him go all the way to San Francisco to get Kyle, or something close to caring for him. He doesn't like to think about it. Besides, he doesn't want to put ideas in Kyle's head. He likes it just being him, Kyle, and Kenny. Occasionally Butters. Stan was a bummer towards the end and he's glad he's gone._

_Kyle's dad soon answers the door, and Eric plasters on his most saccharine smile._

_"Hello, Mr Broflovski, can Kyle come out and play please?"_

_"Hi, boys," Mr Broflovski replies, brow furrowed. "He's not out already? He left an hour ago and we thought he was going to meet up with you."_

_"We haven't seen him, sir," Kenny says._

_"Oh god." His dad rubs his brow, looking back inside the house. "His mom is going to be worried sick-"_

_"No need to worry, Mr Broflovski," Eric cuts in confidently. "I think I know where Kyle might be."_

_Mr Broflovski sighs, body slumping slightly and his hand clutching the door._

_"Oh thank god, you would?"_

_"Yep." Eric nods, beaming. "I'll find him in no time."_

_It's not a lie. Eric already has a hunch._

_Kyle's dad nods, smiles in appreciation._

_"Thank you, Eric."_

_He shuts the door, and Eric narrows his eyes at the wood before swivelling his head around like a submarine telescope, target locked on Kyle._

_"Alright, where is that son of a bitch..." he mutters, hopping off the stoop and wandering away._

_"Dude, why do you talk like that?" Kenny asks with a muffled chuckle._

_"Like what? This is how I always talk."_

_"No, why do you talk like that around Kyle's parents?"_

_"So they don't know how much I hate them."_

_"Do you really know where Kyle is?"_

_"Yeah, I think so. Come on..." he jerks his head in the direction they should follow. It leads them to Stan's house which is, for all intents and purposes and because it sounders way cooler, abandoned. Until the family who bought the house move in. Eric leads Kenny around the back of the house._

_"What the fuck? Cartman, this is Stan's-"_

_"Yeah, no shit!"_

_"We could get in trouble!"_

_Eric scoffs, throwing a mean look over his shoulder at Kenny._

_"No one is living here, pussy!"_

_Kenny clenches his fists and charges forward in the small space between him and Eric._

_"Fuck you, I'm not a pussy!"_

_Eric just rolls his eyes and smirks, hoping it will mellow his heartrate that did pick up when Kenny charged towards him._

_They're in the backyard proper now. Kenny is looking around to see if any of Stan's former neighbours have spotted them 'trespassing' while Eric is staring up at Stan's tiny, rotting clubhouse._

_"I think he's up there."_

_"The clubhouse?"_

_Eric nods, squinting as he stares up at the clubhouse. The sun is shining through the gaps in the leaves. He takes a small, bracing breath as he prepares to climb up the rickety ladder to the clubhouse, made of uneven wooden planks and thinning rope._

_"Yeah, stay here. That clubhouse is tiny as shit."_

_Eric puts one foot on the bottom rung, and tentatively places another. He flushes with embarrassment and anxiety as the ladder creaks already, and he pokes his tongue out and grips the rope tight as he begins his ascent._

_"If it's so tiny then wouldn't it better for somebody without an elephant ass to go rescue Kyle?" Kenny calls when he's about halfway up._

_Eric scowls down at him, for breaking his concentration and also for the insult._

_"Fuck you, skinny, poor bitch!"_

_Still, Kenny's berating pushes any fear out of his system, determined to prove he can make it to the top without the ladder breaking. It's only when he reaches the top does he realise how small the clubhouse is. It has no door, and he spots Kyle immediately. He's huddled in the corner, knees tucked under his chin and arms wrapped around his legs. His wide eyes flash with alarm, and he's draped in Eric's shadow. On further inspection, his face is blotchy and his eyes are gleaming._

_"Cartman, what the fuck are you doing here?" Kyle asks, voice scratchy. "Is Kenny down there too?"_

_"Yeah, being a dick as usual," Eric replies, squeezing into the clubhouse with a huff. He frowns. "The real question is, what are you doing up here?"_

_Kyle blinks, eyes darting back and forth as if the tiny, empty space can whisper an excuse to him. He clutches himself tighter._

_"N-n-nothing I just, uh... wanted to hang out."_

_"Dude, have you been crying?"_

_"No... " Kyle murmurs, but his increasingly pink face gives him away. He must know this because he rolls his eyes and huffs. "Yes! Yeah, I have been crying, okay?" he snaps. "Not everybody is an unfeeling sociopath, Cartman! I came up here because I miss Stan, and this is the last piece of him I have left, so go ahead and rip on me if you want because I have nothing to feel bad about! Just leave me alone!"_

_Admittedly, ripping on him was the first thing that crossed Eric's mind. Ripping on Kyle and pissing him off is one of Eric's favourite things to do, and is just a natural instinct at this point. Or so he thought. A week or so before Stan left, Eric found himself playing video games at Kyle's house, and Kyle did something that recalibrated his entire universe. He fucking smiled at him. It started with a blatant, thoughtful stare in Eric's direction, but before he could snap at Kyle and demand to know what the fuck he was staring at, Kyle smiled at him. No fear, no front, facade, or trick up his sleeve. Just a small, soft smile that Eric couldn't help but return. After that, they just carried on playing video games. It went unspoken, which is fine because Eric has no idea what to even say about it. It should be no big deal, but it is because it's rewired Eric's brain. He looks at Kyle now, and that urge to rip on him soon dissipates and sours. He knows that if he rips on him again, then that smile will vanish forever and he doesn't want that. He wants to see it again, and again, and again._

_His eyebrows draw together, and he chews his lip as he thinks what could elicit that smile again, what can make Kyle wipe his tears away, leave this little monument to his misery and spend the afternoon with him and Kenny. Kyle doesn't seem to notice the cogs in his brain going into overdrive as he tries to figure out his next move. His eyes have wandered to some random corner and his face is half-obscured by his knees and folded arms._

_"This is the last piece of him you have left?" Eric asks. "You got screwed over, dude. This place is a shithole..."_

_Kyle sighs._

_"Believe me, I wish I had better."_

_Eric shuffles closer to Kyle and plops himself next to him. The space is so cramped that their shoulders are pressed together. Kyle doesn't seem to mind, and neither does Eric._

_"You and Stan used to come up here and make out, huh?" he smirks, and immediately regrets it. Damn, can he not open his mouth around Kyle without making some jerky comment?_

_Again, Kyle doesn't seem to mind. In fact, Eric is sure he can see him smiling._

_"No. I kissed Bebe here though..."_

_"I bet Stan and Wendy used to kiss in here too." Eric's nose wrinkles as he studies the interior of the clubhouse. "Gross."_

_"No, they never kissed here." Kyle sniffles, then erupts in little giggles. "Stan told me though, that once he was playing truth or dare with Bebe, Wendy, and Clyde, and Bebe dared him to shove a stick up his peehole."_

_Eric's head snaps around to look at Kyle, incredulous that he has never been told this piece of information before._

_"What?" Eric exclaims, before they both burst out laughing._

_"Yeah, Stan made me promise not to tell anyone."_

_"Why not?" Eric chuckles. "It's hilarious!"_

_Kyle raises his eyebrows, still smiling._

_"And humiliating."_

_"Exactly! That's why it's hilarious!"_

_They laugh together for a little while longer, before it simmers down. The air in the clubhouse seems filled with it though. Eric clears his throat, and in the miniscule space tries to brush his foot against the floor._

_"You know, once the new family moves in they're probably going to take this down, right? Or their own kids will play in it?" He looks at Kyle, who isn't looking at him but Eric can tell he's listening. "You can't hang out here anymore."_

_Kyle sighs, seems to curl up into a tighter ball._

_"Yeah, I know, Cartman..." he murmurs._

_"I'm just saying that my clubhouse is way cooler." Eric smiles with a shrug. "We can hang out there instead, and play our own games, and maybe we can dare Butters to eat worms or something?"_

_Kyle chuckles, nodding to himself before smiling at Eric._

_"Sounds pretty fun..."_

_"Yeah!" Eric rubs the nape of his neck, suddenly shy for some reason. "Anyway, the reason me and Kenny are here is because his brother got some fireworks, and we were thinking of taking them to the woods and blowing stuff up. Interested?"_

_Kyle nods, before wiping his nose with the back of his hand and nodding more decisively, actually looking at Eric this time._

_"Sweet. But, uh, before we go, better let your mom and dad know you're still alive." Eric grins. "I bet your mom is pulling her stupid hair out wondering where you are."_

_Kyle rolls his eyes, but his smile doesn't waver._

_"Hate you..." he mutters, as he brushes past Eric to leave the clubhouse._

_Eric follows him out with a triumphant grin._

_They go to Kyle's house, and Eric and Kenny stand awkwardly in the living room while Kyle withstands a lecture from his mom, and apologises for not telling his parents where he's been. Turns out Kenny was right, and Kyle is not so into the idea of blowing up woodland creatures, but he has no problem blowing up his old toys he no longer plays with and Ike doesn't want either. So far they've blown up a John Elway action figure with karate chop action, a Chinpokomon doll, and now they're about to blow up a faded, blue teddy bear._

_"Okay, we're ready for launch!" Kenny says with a thumbs-up. He's just finished tying the unfortunate teddy bear to the rocket._

_"Light the fuse and stand back!" Kyle shouts, and Kenny lights the rocket before rushing to their side._

_"Commencing countdown," Eric announces, covering his mouth to achieve a cool, echo affect. "Ten (ten), nine (nine), eight (eight), seven (seven), six (six), five (five)-"_

_"It's about to go, already!" Kyle cuts him off with a shove._

_Eric rolls his eyes but rushes through the countdown._

_"Four, three, two, one-"_

_Eric is interrupted by the sound of the rocket taking off, soaring through the sky with a whistle, before it explodes. Sparkling colour and charred bits of fluffy innards explode against the pale sky, but the cheers from Eric and his friends are even louder. The ash and stuffing falls lazily to the ground like a miniature snow shower._

_"Dude, that was awesome!" Eric shouts._

_"Yeah, stuffed animals are definitely the most satisfying thing to blow up," Kyle remarks._

_"Hey, I wonder who has a collection of stuffed animals..." Kenny's eyes wander over to Eric._

_Kyle hides his laughter in his hand._

_"Ay!" Eric snaps, giving Kenny a shove. "If you lay one finger on Clyde Frog, Polly Prissypants, or Peter Panda, I swear-"_

_Eric's words vanish and he goes a little cross-eyed as Kyle casually picks a piece of fluff off his nose. He looks at Kyle, and just like when they were playing video games on the couch, he wants to demand what the hell he just did. But he can't, when Kyle is giving him that exact same brazen, content smile. He flicks the fluff off his finger, and Eric's mouth twitches with a smile of his own._

* * *

**Six years later**

Eric hasn't seen Kyle this excited in a long time, and it's understandable, because what once seemed impossible has now happened. Stan is back. Mr and Mrs Marsh patched things up, and he's moving back to town. Kyle is acting like his physical return to South Park is some grand reappearance when it has actually been gradual. Stan has been making his presence felt for about a month or so now. Their only tether to Stan for a while was through social media. As is tradition with friends you haven't spoken to in forever, Stan followed them, they followed back and communication was sparse from then on. At least, for Eric. He's sure Stan has messaged Kenny and Kyle, but only with the announcement that Stan is to return to town as he has been messaging Kyle frequently.

This development is bittersweet for Eric, and if he's being totally honest, definitely more on the bitter side. He likes to think he's become a bit more empathetic these past few years, and that's why he gets a warm feeling in his chest to see Kyle look so happy, grinning at his phone. But then the warm feeling gets swallowed by dread, wrapped up in a nauseating coating and leaving a sour after taste. Despite all of Kyle's excited ramblings, he is not prepared for Stan to come back, and he doesn't even know if he wants it to happen. It would make Kyle happy, but Eric can't help but wonder what's going to happen to him. No matter how he approaches it, he can't seem to fit himself into the equation when Stan is around.

But he's not thinking about equations right now. He's trying to focus on blowing up balloons in preparation for Stan's homecoming party. His arrival coincided with a weekend trip Kyle's parents had planned, so it was the perfect opportunity for Kyle to throw a party. This just goes to show how excited Kyle is, that he actually wants to throw a fucking party for someone.

"How are you guys doing with those balloons?" Kyle asks, walking into the living room and holding his phone like it's a clipboard and he's organising a Serious Event.

This may be the most reckless, typically 'teenage' thing Kyle has ever done but he's still bringing his methodical, hyper-organised A game to it.

Eric finishes blowing up what feels like his hundredth balloon, sat on Kyle's living room floor with Kenny. There's a strange taste in his mouth and his head feels a little swimmy.

"Awesome," he replies, out of breath.

Kyle smiles, checking his phone.

"I'm gonna run through the list one more time-"

Eric and Kenny groan in unison.

"Kyle, we've been through the list five times already," Kenny says. "We're good!"

"Literally no one in this town has put this much thought into a party."

"Except your mom," Kenny points out. "Your parties were lit."

Kyle frowns, eyebrows furrowing.

"Can a kids' birthday party be lit?"

"Well, if they could be mine definitely was." Eric grins, puffing out his chest. "But, you know, it was my birthday. I deserve a badass party."

"So does Stan! Sorry, Cartman, but this party is all your birthdays combined!"

Eric and Kenny glance at each other as if Kyle just said something way over the line. Which he did, and also, something certifiably wrong.

"Wow," Kenny says, eyebrows raised.

"Um, I do not see a Ferris wheel in your backyard so think again, dick."

"Do you really think I can afford a fucking Ferris wheel? Parties on a budget can still be fun!"

Eric smirks.

"Hey, Kenny, isn't that what your parents used to say?"

Kenny looks up from tying a little knot in the balloon, deadpan.

"You actually think my parents threw parties for me?"

Kyle huffs, and Eric smothers a laugh when he catches Kyle almost stomping his foot.

"Can we please get back to the list? So, drinks?"

Kenny gives a thumbs up, already blowing up another balloon. Damn, he's a machine.

"My brother's still got it covered," he says with a tiny helium squeak to his voice.

Kyle narrows his eyes at him before returning to the list.

"Alright, check. Plastic cups, check. Balloons... check. Chips?" Kyle's look of smug serenity vanishes, eyes widening. "Chips! Fuck, we don't have chips! Why didn't I notice that? Why didn't you guys notice that?" he demands.

"Because we zoned out the second time you went through that dumb list?" Eric suggests.

"Well, what about the first time?"

"I thought you were kidding," Kenny says. "Nobody is going to eat fucking chips."

"I'd like to give people the option!" Kyle rolls his eyes, tucking his phone in his pocket. "I'm gonna run to the store to get chips, you guys keep blowing up the balloons. I'll be back soon."

Kyle brushes past them before they can respond, rushing to the door.

"Yeah, make sure to hurry back with the chips nobody wants!" Eric calls behind him.

"Hate you!" Kyle calls back, sparing him a quick glance over his shoulder before he slips out the door.

Eric smiles after him. There is a theory that the more something is said, the less impactful it becomes. Eric doesn't know if this is true in case of Kyle's 'hate you' comment. It's somewhere between an inside joke, and a verbal tic at this point. The impact it has on Eric hasn't changed, but the meaning has morphed into something difficult to describe.

"You know, that's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks..." Kenny says, trying to act all innocent as he reaches for another flimsy, deflated balloon. "Since we found out Stan was coming back."

Eric frowns, eyebrows drawing together.

"Dude, that was nearly a month ago. I've smiled since then."

Kenny shrugs.

"I haven't seen it. There must be a problem-"

"Well, maybe I have a problem with you?"

Kenny rolls his eyes, a knowing smile on his face.

"Come on, dude, seriously. You can't bullshit me."

"Fine..." Eric sighs. He hasn't told anyone about this weird, unsettling feeling in his gut. Not even Kyle. "I've been feeling a little queasy lately."

Kenny nods, before glancing at the balloons surrounding them.

"That may be from blowing up the balloons. Going off what I've seen today, your lung capacity is alarming."

Eric huffs, rolling his eyes.

"For your information, asshole, I've been feeling queasy for, like, a week now. Maybe even more than that, but it just seems to be getting worse..."

Kenny nods, blowing up another balloon. He sighs when he's finished.

"Well..." he doesn't look at Eric as he ties a little knot. "I guess I'd be feeling queasy too if the ex-best friend of the love of my life was coming back-"

"What the fuck?" Eric snaps, his stomach clenching alarmingly. "You think I'm in love with Kyle, you fucking asshole?!"

Kenny frowns at him like he was the one who just said something totally ridiculous.

"What? Cartman, I told you. You can't bullshit me."

"Why the hell would you even-"

"Dude it's obvious!" Kenny laughs, before giving Eric a more serious look. "You don't have to lie-"

"I'm not lying!" Eric cries, though his inexplicable rise in body temperature and racing heart isn't making his case for him. "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about! And how I'm feeling, it has nothing to do with Kyle! Or Stan! Am I a little wary about that asshole coming back after what he did-"

"Dude, Stan did nothing. His parents divorced, he was going through a tough time. He had no say in moving away-"

"Whatever, I just don't want Kyle to get his hopes up!" Eric takes a calming breath, trying to speak firmly. "Bottom line is, Stan fucking hurt him and I - _we_ \- had to pull him out of it! I can't fucking do that again. It was bad enough the first time."

Kenny snorts.

"Yeah, right. Like you didn't fucking love every moment of being there for him." He arches his eyebrow in a way that makes whatever he says hard for Eric to deny, even if what he's saying is untrue.

Well... did he like being needed? Sure. Was he stoked that he was the one Kyle turned to when he found himself without a best friend? Maybe. Is he happy with how his friendship with Kyle developed in Stan's absence? Of course, but he's not going to let Kenny trick him! Eric shakes his head, tries to avoid looking at Kenny's hypnotic face.

"You've got this all wrong, man."

Kenny sighs. It's a classic Kenny signal to move on from a particular topic of conversation.

"Come on, we've almost finished with these balloons."

* * *

Drinking with Kyle and Kenny like they would before any party, Eric could kid himself that nothing monumental is happening tonight, that his mood won't plummet the moment a certain someone walks through the door. But he's trying not think about that as he sips at his drink, and laughs and bickers with his friends, enjoying the cool, new atmosphere that comes with being able to pre-game in your friend's living room other than hiding in their bedroom or basements. It feels grown-up.

A knock at the door silences the conversation, and their gazes ping-pong off each other, wide and unsure as if after all this planning and build-up they're caught off guard by Stan's arrival. That nauseous, churning feeling returns to Eric's stomach and his heart is pounding, and he knows that it's as much of that reoccurring dread as it is excitement for Kyle.

Kyle takes a deep, shaky breath, looking to Kenny and Eric for encouragement as he rises slowly to answer the door. Eric doesn't take his eyes off him, and he and Kenny get up too as if this is all part of the unspoken, invisible ceremony, as if they want a better view of what is about to unfold.

Kyle opens the door, and Eric's heart, mood, and stomach does indeed drop at the sight of a grinning, oblivious Stan. Kyle has his back to Eric, but he can only imagine that he's smiling.

"Hey, Kyle."

"Hey..." Kyle replies, before they fall into a tight, easy hug that looks like it's been a long time coming.

The hug seems to last forever when the room is silent, and Stan and Kyle are so focused on their embrace. Eric can feel Kenny's eyes on him but he won't give him the satisfaction of acknowledging him.

Stan still keeps his hands on Kyle's shoulders when they finally release each other.

"Dude, it's..." he searches Kyle's face for the word. "Awesome to see you again."

Kyle nods briskly.

"Yeah, you too. I can't believe you're here!" he laughs before they hug again.

Eric takes a long breath through his nose to smother his frustration, these inexplicable, dumb pangs in his chest. Thankfully, the hug doesn't last as long as the previous one, and Stan looks a little embarrassed when he catches Eric and Kenny's eyes, clearing his throat. Kyle too, gives them a brief, apologetic smile and rubs his hands on his thighs.

"Hey, guys..." Stan says as he walks over to them. He looks at Kenny and grins. "Kenny..."

They also fall into an easy hug, but one that is looser than the one Kyle shared with Stan. Weird feeling aside, Eric doesn't know if he would hug Stan anyway.

"Hey, man." Kenny smiles, patting Stan's arm when they pull back from their hug. "How does it feel being back in South Park?"

Stan chuckles, rubbing the nape of his neck. It's unnerving to see him in person after all this time. Taller, with his voice at a more adult pitch, and tanned, and honestly, pretty good looking. Fuck.

"Um, like I never left honestly? All the weird shit aside, back in Arizona it was no different. Maybe a bit more... desert."

"Yeah, once you've lived in one hick town you've lived in them all," Eric remarks.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Kyle stiffen and tense up at his comment, but he's soon distracted by Stan smiling at him like he expected nothing less.

"Cartman." He nods.

"Stan."

Just as Eric anticipated, Stan doesn't attempt to hug him.

"It's, uh, good to see you."

"You too," Eric replies, though the words land a little flat.

It seems to be noticeable. Stan doesn't say anything more, though Eric can tell he's dying to fill the silence. Instead, he looks around the living room decorated with balloons, and a 'welcome back, Stan!' banner hanging above the kitchen door. His lips part with awe, creeping upwards into a small, delighted smile. He turns to Kyle.

"Wow, Kyle, you did all this for me?"

Kyle nods, beaming. Eric swears he's blushing.

"Yep. Cartman and Kenny helped too."

Stan looks back at him and Kenny.

"You did?"

Kenny gives him a short, proud nod.

"Yeah, we were on balloon duty."

"Well, it looks awesome." Stan grins. "I can't wait to catch up with you guys."

Kyle nods eagerly, rushing to hand Stan a drink.

"Sure, I think we've got some time before anyone else arrives."

Eric smiles weakly as Stan takes a seat on the couch and they all follow. It fades from his face when he's sure no one is looking.

* * *

Eric isn't surprised that he's ended up hanging out with Butters and Kenny for most of the evening. He's annoyed, and frustrated, and kinda bummed, sure. But not surprised. He tried to smile through catching up with Stan, keeping his snide comments to a minimum but then more people started arriving and it was harder for him, and Kenny, to justify sitting next to Stan and Kyle when they only seemed interested in each other. It's like eavesdropping on a private reunion, and nobody likes to be the third wheel.

The only consolation is that news of Stan's arrival has been overshadowed by Craig and Tweek's sudden, unforeseen break up. Tweek has been hanging on awkwardly to Token and Jimmy, and it's been a couple of hours since Eric saw Craig. He saw a bewildered, abandoned Clyde who has since found other company. Namely, Bebe and Red.

Eric weaves his way through the tiny clusters of people hanging out inexplicably on the stairs, and rolls his eyes when he reaches the landing and sees the line for the bathroom. His irritation disappears however, when he figures he can just use the en-suite in Kyle's parents bedroom. He can do that, right? That's just best friend privileges. He ignores the sinking feeling in his chest when he considers how long he will be able to call himself that, if there's room for two best friends in Kyle's life. It's harder to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach, especially with alcohol in his system.

He flicks on the light in the bedroom, and jumps back when he opens the door to the bathroom and sees Craig sat on the toilet, cross-legged and scrolling through his phone. Craig looks up with his eyebrows knitted together, like he's the one who has a right to be affronted.

"What the fuck are you doing in here?" he snaps.

"Taking a piss! What the fuck are you doing in here?"

"Nothing, just..." Craig huffs and shakes his head. "Whatever, go to the bathroom."

Eric rolls his eyes as Craig shoves past him.

"Thank you for your permission."

Craig shuts the door behind him, and after Eric is finished he leaves the bathroom to see Craig sitting on Kyle's parents bed, like this is a totally normal place for him to hang out. Eric kind of admires his nonchalance, and smirks.

"Kyle's gonna freak out if he knows you're in here."

Craig looks up at him with narrowed eyes.

"Then maybe you don't tell him?"

Eric scoffs.

"I think unless I have a tan and some indie album cover on my t-shirt he's not gonna pay much attention to me, anyway."

They chuckle, and Eric scratches his thigh as he thinks of something to say. He's considering that Craig may actually be fun to hang out with.

"You hiding away from Tweek, huh?"

Craig's smile fades into a frown. He looks around the room, before clearing his throat and nodding.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that..."

Eric chews the inside of his cheek as he thinks of some condolences.

"That sucks, man."

Craig sighs.

"Yeah, it does. Tonight must be hard for you too, right?" he says, arching an eyebrow. "Seeing Kyle all over Stan."

Eric frowns. The nape of his neck suddenly feels clammy when he considers how obvious his discomfort with the whole thing must be.

"What do you mean?"

"It must make you..." Craig trails off like he wants Eric to find the word himself.

"What?" Eric asks with gritted teeth. He wants Craig to say it, and not act like a fucking pussy.

Craig sighs.

"Jealous."

"What the fuck, dude?" Eric cries, that clammy feeling turning into a burning sensation all over his body. "Why does everyone think I have feelings for Kyle-"

"Because you do, don't you?"

"No! No, of course I don't! Kyle is my-" Eric takes a breath. His voice was getting to an irate octave he doesn't like. "What the fuck gave you that idea?"

Craig shrugs.

"I don't know, because you guys are always together, and the way you look at him-"

"How do you know how I look at Kyle?" Eric asks, hating how unnerved and exposed this false allegation is making him feel. "I didn't realise you cared so much about our personal lives, asshole."

"I don't," Craig reassures him. "But you're gay, right? And you and Kyle really were giving Tweek and I a run for our money."

Eric sighs, conceding that point, cheeks burning and palms sweaty.

"Yeah, I am but that doesn't... th-that doesn't mean anything! It doesn't mean that me and Kyle are a couple. Kyle isn't even gay!"

"How do you know?"

Eric rolls his eyes.

"Because he would have told me..." he mutters, and he knows it's a lame reason.

"Stan is gay though," Craig points out, like Eric needed to be fucking reminded.

Why does it matter though? It doesn't matter! This is just more manipulative, hypnotic bullshit from yet another fucking smartass who thinks he knows more than he does!

"I... I don't..." Eric sighs. "Why the fuck are you saying all this?" he asks, almost pleading with Craig.

Craig shrugs, like the nonchalant prick he is. He looks bored by something he very much started.

"So you can commiserate with me."

Eric balks, huffing incredulously.

"What the fuck, no!" he cries. "No, I am not commiserating with you! I can't, because Kyle isn't gay, we're not a couple, and I'm not in love with him! It sucks that Tweek broke up with you, but we are not in the same fucking boat, Tucker! So I'm sorry I can't wallow with you, but I have to go now."

"Fine," Craig replies, returning to his phone. "I'd rather be alone, anyway."

Eric storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him. He needs to find Kenny, and Butters, he needs to be distracted and despite feeling more nauseated than ever he definitely needs to drink more. As he's storming down the stairs something horrible catches his eye that makes him feel like the stairs are dropping beneath him and the walls, his life, everything is crumbling around him. Stan and Kyle, cruelly oblivious, are making out in the corner of the living room. He feels emptied, like he could pass out but with all these people hanging out on the stairs, he can't find something sturdy to hold on to. Instead, he swallows, relying on some insane adrenaline, or shock to get him down the stairs, to march right out of this dumb fucking house.

He marches past Kenny, and hopes he doesn't catch his attention.

"Cartman, dude, are you al-"

Eric shakes his head, of course Kenny must notice how devastated he looks right now. He doesn't comment when Kenny follows him outside, and the cold air against his face is reprieve for a moment before he does what he's been feeling like doing for weeks, and vomits in the snow.

"Shit!" Kenny says, before rushing over to him. He puts a hand on his back. "Hey, it's alright..."

Kenny rubs his back as Eric continues to wretch, and spits bile into the snow.

"That's it, man, just let it out..."

Eric shudders at the gross taste in his mouth, that the image he can't help but play over and over in his head.

"Kyle... Stan..." Eric stands up straight, and looks at Kenny with bleary eyes. "Did you see them?"

Kenny nods, jaw pulled tight and solemn.

"Yeah, I saw."

Eric presses his wrists to his eyes, pacing in a small circle.

"What the fuck?" he groans. "What the fuck was that?"

Kenny sighs.

"I have no idea..." he steps forward, brow creased with concern. "Are you okay?"

Eric shakes his head, dragging his hands through his hair.

"No... no, I..." he can't get the sentence out as it finally, devastatingly hits him. "Shit, I think I'm in love with Kyle."


	2. you weren't mine to lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title of this chapter comes from the song 'august' by Taylor Swift. The song is from the perspective of the 'other person' in a relationship but I think it works well in this platonic context too, where Stan has returned and Eric feels that Kyle was never really just /his/ best friend. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy and I'd love to know your thoughts!

_It must be hours since Eric last checked his phone. He only knows time has passed because the light outside Kyle's bedroom window has dimmed, and his room is only lit now by the glare of the TV as they play video games. They have been hanging out at Kyle's playing video games all day. Kenny and Butters were also present, but Butters left when his strict curfew dictated, and Kenny never really stays out too late. Eric has asked him why that is, and he said something about his parents' day drinking and how he doesn't like the thought of Karen being there to deal with it herself in the evenings. Eric and Kyle were soon told to take the Xbox upstairs, and after plugging it into Kyle's TV in his bedroom they were soon up and running again. Eric has come to discover he doesn't really care where he plays video games with Kyle, lying on his belly next to him, arms growing a little tingly as they rest against the edge of the mattress, he's just stoked he gets to do this. It's becoming one of his favourite things ever, even when Call of Duty is kicking their asses._

_"What the fuck!" Eric roars, his character dying again._

_Kyle huffs and shakes his head as they return to where they started._

_"Cartman, I know you're on my side but I will take you out if you fuck up like that again."_

_"You'll regret that when you have nobody to help you."_

_"I think I'd rather play with somebody on the other side of the world right now."_

_Eric reaches for one of Kyle's pillows and smacks him in the face with it._

_"Asshole!" Kyle laughs, grabbing the pillow from Eric and hitting him with a hard 'thump!' on the back of his head._

_Eric laughs helplessly too, before he remembers they are actually playing the game right now._

_"Kyle, look at the screen!" he cries._

_Kyle's eyes widen and he gasps, scrambling for his controller._

_"Shit!" he tries to save himself, but it's too late._

_Eric snorts._

_"Serves you right."_

_Kyle scowls at him and before he can retaliate, there's a knock at the door._

_"Yeah?"_

_Kyle's mom slips in, hand on her hip and giving Kyle her usual look of mild disapproval and also inexorable fondness for him._

_"It's getting late, bubbe. I think it's time you boys called it a night."_

_Kyle sighs, like he has a retort but thinks better of it. Eric thinks he's the only one who has any balls to stand up to his parent(s) but his mom has been well trained. She knows not to push him now._

_"Ma, can Cartman stay over please?"_

_His mom blinks, like she's as blindsided by the unexpected invitation as Eric is. He didn't even know Kyle wanted him to stay over._

_"Well, I don't see why not. Would you like to sleep over, Eric?"_

_Kyle turns to look at him like they're in on something and he needs Eric play along. He's never looked at him like that before. It's hard to refuse. Eric looks into Kyle's eyes in silent acceptance, before giving his mom the cheesiest grin._

_"Of course, Mrs Broflovski."_

_She smiles at him and nods._

_"Alright, I'll call your mom to double check." Before she leaves the room, she looks at Kyle with raised eyebrows. "It is getting late though, so Kyle, pjs on please."_

_"Yes, ma."_

_"I'll ask your mom to bring yours over as well, Eric," she says with a smile._

_"Thank you so much, Mrs Broflovski."_

_She leaves the room, and Kyle turns to Eric with a puzzled smirk._

_"Dude, why do you talk to my mom like that? It's creepy."_

_"I only talk to her how you talk to her."_

_The dent between Kyle's eyebrows deepens._

_"What?" he chuckles._

_Eric chuckles too, mischievously._

_"'Yes, ma, no, ma,'" he says in a higher-pitched impression of Kyle's voice._

_Kyle rolls his eyes and smirks, his cheeks pinking a little._

_"Well, she's my mom not yours."_

_Eric rolls his eyes, exaggerated, and throws his head back._

_"Thank god..."_

_They chuckle together for a little bit, before Kyle shakes his head and sighs._

_"Hate you... I'd better get changed," he says, climbing off the bed._

_"Wh- you're actually doing what she says?"_

_Eric can't believe Kyle would abandon their game to put on his pyjamas just because his mom told him to. Why can't he do things on his schedule? He supposes he's just a bit more independent. Kyle isn't fazed though, getting his pyjamas out of his dresser, and pulling his t-shirt over his head._

_"Yeah, because that's what well-behaved kids do."_

_Eric arches an eyebrow at him._

_"That's what goody two-shoes do."_

_They soon get confirmation from Eric's mom that he can indeed stay over, and within 20 minutes his mom has dropped off his pyjamas and a sleeping bag. They play video games way beyond Kyle's mom's recommendation, until their eyes are sore and heavy and they're tapping and mashing at the buttons more out of muscle memory than anything else._

_Eric is now lying on his back, cosy in his sleeping bag and staring up at the ceiling while Kyle is in the bathroom. His eyes keep drooping shut, but they fly open every time it hits him that this is the first time he's sleeping in Kyle's room alone. Usually, Stan and Kenny are here. Kyle has never invited him before. These are the kind of developments that Eric doesn't even realise are happening until they're, well, happening. Getting to this point just feels so natural that he's in awe he's actually here, that delayed shock hits him all at once. He turns his head at the sound of Kyle padding into the room. Kyle gives him a small smile of acknowledgement, and Eric keeps his eyes on him as he approaches his bed, not knowing what to do or say._

_Kyle has to climb over him to get to his bed, and Eric grins, biting his lip at the opportunity that flashes through his mind. Before Kyle can get onto the bed proper, Eric tugs him by his slender ankle, pulling him into the floor with a surprised, hilarious huff. Eric can't help but cackle._

_"Cartman!" Kyle exclaims. "What the fu-"_

_He's cut off by Eric grabbing his wrists, bearing his weight on him to pin him to the sleeping bag. His face is flushed, his hat is wonky on his head and his lips have tightened into a scowl._

_"Knock it off!"_

_Eric grins, panting and exhilarated._

_"Make me. Pin me down."_

_Kyle's irritation soon melts into a competitiveness that Eric always has so much fun with. He grins, like it's going to be that easy._

_"Fine..."_

_Kyle pounces on Eric, tackling him and taking Eric totally by surprise. Kyle may have speed on his side, but Eric has strength and a few pounds of big-boned weight on him. Kyle doesn't seem to care he's not having much luck in pinning him down, they're still laughing, and panting, and giggling, and growling, playing like puppies who have no clue why they want to wrestle with each other than there's another puppy there they may as well roll around with. Eric soon spots a grin on Kyle's face however, a grin that reveals he's discovered some sort of strategy. Kyle jabs his fingers in Eric's side and starts tickling his ribs._

_Eric laughs involuntarily, caught somewhere between a cackle and a yelp. It's a hideous sound, one that makes Kyle laugh maniacally._

_"Kyle!" Eric manages to wheeze through Kyle's relentless tickling. "Kyle, stop!"_

_Kyle laughs in his face._

_"Say you give up and I will!"_

_"I... " Eric gasps, hating to admit defeat but he's too exhausted to try to wriggle away from Kyle. Besides, those evil fingers will follow him. "I give up! I give up! Knock it off!"_

_Eric finds the strength to shove Kyle off of him. Kyle huffs as he lands on his ass, but is soon laughing just as uncontrollably as he was before. It's infectious, and even though Eric is trying to catch his breath he laughs too. Their chests rise and fall together, mouths agape and turned up at the corners as they collect their breaths. All Eric can think about is how warm Kyle feels next to him, and how much he loves the smell of Kyle's pyjamas, and cool mint._

_"Your breath smells really good," Eric says without much thought. It's definitely a half-formed, sleep deprived thought._

_Kyle doesn't rip on him though. They've been ripping on each other less and less recently. He just furrows his eyebrows and smiles. It's like the top half of his face is confused, but the bottom half of his face is willing to roll with whatever strange, confusing shit comes out of Eric's mouth._

_"You're weird. I've just brushed my teeth..." he blinks, smile fading into a concerned frown. "You do brush your teeth before you go to bed, right?"_

_Eric shrugs, smirking and looking away._

_"Sometimes..."_

_Kyle gasps, looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head._

_"Unbelievable."_

_Kyle gets to his feet, and actually fixes his lopsided hat. Eric smothers a chuckle at how crazy it is that Kyle wears his hat to bed. He supposes he's not ready for Eric to see his hair yet, even though Eric doesn't understand why Kyle hates it so much. Yeah, it is kind of ridiculous, but is laughing at Kyle for a minute or two the worst thing?_

_"Good night, Cartman," Kyle says as he gets under the covers._

_"Night, Kyle," he replies, before Kyle switches the lamp off._

_What must be a few hours later, Eric wakes up and still has no idea what the time is. The rules of time must just be suspended in Kyle's house. He stirs, disoriented and a little confused with his surroundings, until he looks up and sees that Kyle is still fast asleep and facing him. His mouth is agape, cheek smushed against the pillow. There's some drool crawling out of his mouth, and Eric purses his lips to contain his laughter._

_He's seen Kyle asleep enough times, in slumber parties, and on car journeys, and flights, and in caves, and when he's broken into this very bedroom, but only now he's mesmerised by him. He considers that this is because he's been invited to stare at Kyle's sleeping face, Kyle has allowed Eric to see him like this, and maybe he's realising just how much he's taken this all for granted._

_Kyle's eyelids twitch and flutter before they open, bleary._

_"Cartman..." he rasps, not lifting his head from the pillow._

_Eric has frozen._

_"Uh, yeah?" he manages to squeeze the words through his shrunken throat._

_"Were you staring at me?"_

_"Um..." Eric hopes Kyle is half-asleep and doesn't notice how red and alarmed he is. He clears his throat. "Yeah, but only because you're drooling."_

_Kyle scowls, sitting up ever so slightly and creakily. He glances at the patch of drool on his pillow and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, unfazed. He smiles at Eric, exasperated._

_"Go back to sleep..." he mutters, rolling over on to his side._

_Eric does go back to sleep, but only after staring at Kyle's back for a few more minutes._

* * *

Eric wakes up in Kyle's living room to a dry mouth, a sore back, and a blistering headache. Nobody would have blamed him if he went home last night after seeing what he saw, but that would have been admitting there was a problem. Of course, there was a problem but Eric wasn't going to give it the attention it deserved. Besides, he figured that being alone was the worst possible place to be, and there was not only company, but alcohol at Kyle's house too. So he spent the rest of the evening ignoring Stan, ignoring Kyle, trying to have fun with Butters and Kenny, and trying to ignore the disorientating, devastating realisation that he's in love with his best friend. But when everyone left, and his friends had passed out, when the living room was dark, and Stan was sleeping in fucking Kyle's bedroom, that realisation hit him like a tsunami and he was powerless to stop reminiscing, reconceptualising every moment spent with Kyle, and how every butterfly in his stomach, every time his heart raced, and every time it felt like his whole body was shining with a drop of Kyle's attention was anything but innocent.

Groggy and depressed, Eric hates pretty much everything right now. He hates how much he drank last night, he hates Stan, he hates that it was so easy for him to sweep Kyle off his feet, but mostly, he hates how long it took to come to this realisation about his feelings. But wondering if Kyle could ever feel the same way is as painful as the thought of whatever Stan and Kyle did in Kyle's bedroom last night. He hurls it to the back of his mind. Currently at the forefront of his mind is caffeine. Kenny and Butters are still curled up on the armchair together, and they remind Eric of those cutesy photos of dormice sleeping in flowers but they are nowhere near as adorable. They didn't want to sleep there admittedly, Eric had just flopped down on the couch and declared he was not getting up for anyone.

As far as he's aware, he is the only one who is awake. He gets up, yawns and stretches, and he's glad no one is awake to hear his back crack like a senior citizen. He scratches at his side and stumbles across the living room and into the kitchen, to see Ike already making himself a cup of coffee.

"Oh, hey, man..." Eric says.

"Hey, want some coffee?" Ike asks. There's a bowl next to him that is full to the brim with a combination of the most sugary cereals known to man.

"Sure, thanks."

Ike reaches for another cup out of the cupboard and pours Eric his coffee.

"Did you, uh, have a good time taking over my house and trapping me in my room for the night?"

Eric snickers.

"No, actually, it was kind of underwhelming and totally not worth it."

He figures he may as well be honest with Ike.

Ike chuckles in return.

"That sucks. So me being forced to piss in empty bottles of Gatorade all night was in vain?"

"Yeah, kind of. You know, Kyle would have let you come out of your room to use the bathroom, right?" Eric arches an eyebrow. "He's not that anally retentive."

"I was under strict instructions to stay put and I don't want to get on his bad side. Besides, I was kind of protesting the party, anyway."

Eric nods, taking a sip of his coffee.

"You should retaliate next time your parents are out of town and plan an even better party."

Ike looks up from his own cup with bright, eager eyes

"Dude, I'm definitely gonna do that."

"Yeah, you can blast Kidz Bop and go nuts with the sparkling cider," Eric teases.

With his black coffee, crazy IQ, and snarky attitude Eric often forgets that Ike is only 11. He's teenage enough for himself and Kyle.

Ike rolls his eyes and laughs, grabbing his bowl of cereal.

"Fuck you, dude," he says, as he shoves past Eric.

Eric just grins into his coffee.

"See you..." an opportunity hits him then, and there's too little time to weigh up whether or not it's an opportunity he should take. "Wait, Ike!"

Eric looks over his shoulder to see Ike staring at him, puzzled.

"Yeah?"

Eric clears his throat, wrestling with his pride to ask one of the questions that was running through his mind last night.

"Um... you didn't hear anything coming from Kyle's room last night, did you?"

Shit, this was such a bad idea. He hates the question as soon as he's asked it. Thankfully, Ike doesn't seem too weirded out.

"No, why?"

Eric rolls his eyes, regretting the question more and more.

"It's just... Stan slept in his room, so I guess I was just..."

Ike raises his eyebrows.

"You think they hooked up?"

Eric's gut clenches with anxiety at the very question, and the strong, black coffee he's drinking isn't helping. Why the hell is he even asking this of Kyle's little brother?

"No, I don't... I-I-don't think so, I mean they kissed but I was just... curious..." he mumbles the last word.

Ike snorts, his confusion melting into amusement.

"You're a freak."

Eric snickers.

"Yeah, I guess I am."

"So they're dating now?"

Eric sighs, as much as he would like to he can't really dispute that point, knowing Kyle as well as he does.

"Well, Kyle doesn't just make out with someone randomly so... yeah, you could say that."

Ike blinks, nodding.

"Oh, well, as far as I know, perv, they didn't hook up. I would be way more pissed if Kyle subjected me to the sounds of him having sex with his boyfriend."

Eric chuckles thinly, even though the fact that Ike just referred to Stan as Kyle's boyfriend sends his heart plummeting to the floor.

Ike smiles tightly at him.

"See you later, Cartman..."

Eric nods.

"Yeah, see you later..."

Eric doesn't watch Ike walk away. Instead, he leans against the kitchen counter with a sigh and sips at his coffee.

"Hey, pour me a cup?"

Eric was so deep in thought he didn't even hear Kyle approaching. He sounds happy and is smiling, with his hair all poofy. Eric can't help but smile back.

"Oh, hi..."

Much to Eric's devastation, Kyle is wearing a hoodie that he loaned him on a long bus journey back from a field trip last year. He wears the hoodie quite a lot when they're hanging out, and Eric would never ask him to return it, only now he knows why that is. It's a baggy hoodie that fits very loosely on Kyle, with sleeves long enough to hide his hands in, and the burgundy colour compliments his auburn hair and blue-green eyes. During Eric's wasted reminiscing, all his memories were blurry around the edges but Kyle was as vivid as a watercolour. He's sober now, but that hasn't changed. The bright yellow walls seem so much paler now Kyle has walked into the room.

"Hey." Kyle chuckles with a little dent in his brow.

It's then Eric remembers himself and goes about making a cup of coffee for Kyle.

"Thanks," Kyle says when Eric hands him his cup. "Pretty good night, huh?"

Eric sighs, hoping he can hide his true feelings behind the rim.

"Yeah... for you, especially..."

"What?" Kyle asks, like what happened last night wasn't huge. He actually _giggles_ then, and Kyle never giggles. "Oh, yeah... I can't believe it, dude. I mean, I was so excited for Stan to come back and I had no idea he felt this way-"

"I had no idea _you_ felt that way," Eric cuts in. His filter must vanish when he's hurt.

Kyle sighs, like getting irate isn't part of who he is anymore now he's in a relationship.

"Well, I didn't plan it. I didn't really know that was how I felt until we kissed, but I guess there may have been something there when we were messaging each other."

"I didn't even know you..." Eric chokes on the indignant, embarrassed lump in his throat. "Th-that you were into guys."

Kyle sets his cup down, irritation creeping back in.

"Why does it matter for you to know? You didn't tell me you were gay, I found out on Facebook."

Eric sighs, shakes his head. They're getting into territory he doesn't want to get into, and it will only end in revealing more than he should. 

"You're right. It doesn't matter."

He doesn't look at Kyle, but he can see him frowning in the corner of his eye. Even when Kyle steps closer, he doesn't look his way.

"Cartman, are you okay? This thing with Stan isn't going to be a problem, is it?"

"No!" Eric snaps, looking at him now and the look on Kyle's face tells him he needs to calm down. "God, no, Kyle it's not a problem, I just... it's a lot to process and I'm pretty hungover."

Kyle rubs his lips together, eyes wandering away from Eric, unsure. Eric swallows his pride, braces himself for what he's about to say.

"I'm happy for you."

Kyle looks at him then, silently weighing up whether or not Eric is being truthful. He doesn't know what he needs to do to convince him, so he gives him a small smile and hopes it's enough.

Kyle nods, with a wider, grateful, genuine smile.

"Okay..." His gaze wanders to a cupboard above Eric's head. "There are pop tarts in that cupboard."

Eric chuckles.

"What a polite and subtle way to ask me to make breakfast for you. You're the host, Kyle, if anything-"

Kyle interrupts him with a huff, still smiling.

"God, move!" he says, as he shoves Eric out of the way to get to the cupboard.

Eric never knew he would be so stoked to have breakfast with Kyle, just the two of them eating pop tarts while the rest of their friends are asleep.

* * *

A chill, weirdly perfect breakfast leads to Eric and Kyle migrating to the living room when Kenny and Butters finally wake up. Eric is a little bummed admittedly that his alone time with Kyle has come to an end, but he still has fun chatting with him and the rest of his friends. They have always worked as a foursome, Eric considers. It's a nice even number at least. Butters wasn't exactly promoted when Stan left but he did slot into that quartet paradigm pretty nicely. Eric isn't sure if they can accommodate a fifth, even if that fifth has been here before. Maybe it doesn't even count, because it's not as if it's going to be Eric, Kyle, Kenny, Butters and Stan as a group of friends, but Eric, Kenny, Butters, and Kyle and Stan dating. They have never had to factor in romantic relationships before, but Eric is trying hard not to fret about the variables.

It's easier said than done when Stan emerges from Kyle's bedroom, padding down the stairs.

"Hey, there he is!" Kenny grins, and everyone's attention turns to him like he's some debutante descending a grand staircase.

Eric is hoping all this ceremony around Stan doing the most mundane shit will wear off soon.

"Morning, guys..." Stan smiles, clearly sheepish about it himself. "It is still morning, right?"

Kyle hasn't stopped smiling since he spotted him on the stairs.

"Yeah, just about. You want some coffee?"

Stan's smile brightens.

"Please."

Kyle nods.

"I'll get you a cup."

Their eyes meet as Kyle passes, and their stares snag as Stan watches Kyle until he disappears into the kitchen. He perches himself on the arm of the couch next to Kenny, stiff and unsure. The worst possible way to avoid the elephant in the room.

Kenny shifts in his seat, admirably trying to broach the topic himself.

"So... you and Kyle, huh?"

Stan blinks.

"What? Oh yeah, me and Kyle." He chuckles, scratches behind his ear. "Guess we're a thing now."

Eric tenses up in his chair, hoping to say as little as possible. Kenny's eyes flit between him and Stan, stuck in the middle. But Eric can tell where Kenny's loyalties lie by his helpless expression.

"That's uh..." he smiles in Stan's direction. "That's great, man."

Butters' nods, beaming from further down the couch.

"Really romantic, Stan!"

Stan chuckles, Butters' earnest, cheesy comment relieving some of the tension.

"I guess so. Thanks, Butters."

Kyle soon returns with a cup of coffee.

"Here..." he says, handing it to Stan.

He smiles as he takes the cup.

"Thank you."

They seem to be lost in their own little world for a second, and in that time Eric shares a look of commiseration with Kenny, probably the same kind of commiseration Craig wanted to share with him last night.

"Nice hoodie," Stan comments reaching out to play with one of the baggy sleeves. "Little big, though. I didn't realise oversized hoodies were your thing-"

"Oh, uh, it's Cartman's," Kyle cuts in.

The tension gets ramped up once more. Stan drops his arm, and Kyle looks between him and Eric with widened eyes and stiff shoulders.

"Oh..." Stan nods. "Cool..."

"Yeah, he loaned it to me."

Stan is still nodding, clearly Eric's friendship with Kyle is as much of an adjustment for him as him returning to their lives is an adjustment for Eric. He soon smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes like before.

"Well, uh, it looks good on you."

Stan sips at his coffee and Eric and Kenny share another look. It's not one of commiseration, but confusion.

Kyle's mouth opens and closes, and he's stood there uselessly. He clears his throat and looks at Eric.

"Cartman, you can have it back, if you want?"

"Huh?" Eric blinks, not expecting the question. He shakes his head. "Oh no, keep it." He smirks. "I'll never get your stink out of it now."

Kyle huffs, eyes twinkling, and he relieves the tension in the room effortlessly. For Eric, at least.

"As if it smelled any better when you had it!" he says, shoving Eric's shoulder as he returns to his seat.

Stan sits there, sipping at his coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist can be found here (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=2lCxejD2T4K4OpJBhQB9Zw)
> 
> Songs added:
> 
> Lemon Boy - Cavetown
> 
> watch you sleep - girl in red
> 
> it's U - Cavetown
> 
> Fog - The Regrettes
> 
> august - Taylor Swift
> 
> Best Friend - Rex Orange County
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	3. it's time the kid got free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, don't know if I'm 100% happy with this chapter because I haven't been in a good head space lately, but still I hope you enjoy and I'd love to know your thoughts! Chapter title is a lyric from 'The Love Club' by Lorde.

Kyle and Stan have been dating for a week and Eric's overriding feeling is one of exhaustion. He has restless, fitful sleep now, plagued by dreams of Kyle - memories, and fantasies, and taunting nightmares where Kyle is wrapped around Stan and laughing at him. Luckily for Eric, Kyle is not so boastful in real life. PDA is definitely not Kyle's thing, and Eric doesn't care if it's Stan's. Of course, Kyle and Stan don't need to be making out in front of him, or holding hands, or cuddling to hurt him, to twist the dagger in his heart. The looks, the smiles, and the laughter they share is a painful enough reminder that Kyle isn't his, and he's happy regardless. Eric tries to tell himself he can be happy without Kyle, but getting to that place seems impossible right now.

At least he can take comfort in the fact that he's not the only guy in town suffering from heartbreak, as evidenced by the fact he's stood outside Craig's house with Kenny, Stan, and Kyle, about to attend a party that's definitely not a way to show everyone just How Over Tweek He Is.

"So how long were Tweek and Craig together, anyway?" Stan asks, this week has included a lot of filling Stan in on stuff he's missed over the past six years.

"Since seventh grade?" Kyle replies.

Stan sighs, shakes his head.

"Damn... poor Tweek."

"Poor _Craig_ ," Kenny remarks. "Tweek dumped him."

Stan blinks, nodding to himself.

"Oh..."

Eric frowns.

"Why is that hard to believe?"

He doubts Stan will ever stop being irritating to him, but he's going to work on keeping that to himself. He doesn't think it makes him look very good to Kyle.

"It's not hard to believe I just thought..." Stan sighs again, shaking his head. In the low porch light Eric swears he can see the back of his neck flushing. "I don't know, Craig may have more opportunities to move on."

Kenny nods earnestly.

"Yeah, he is pretty hot."

"What?" Kyle asks, looking over his shoulder with a furrowed brow. "Kenny, you don't even like dudes."

Kenny scoffs, incredulous.

"So I'm not allowed to have an opinion? I can appreciate guys too! Alright, we'll defer to the only single gay guy on this porch." He turns to Eric with a look of faux seriousness, chin lifted and eyes narrowed like this is a crucial decision. "Craig, smash or pass?"

Eric tilts his head and pretends to think, but really it's a no-brainer.

"Pass on his personality but otherwise, smash. Dude's a snack."

Kenny bursts out laughing, making Kyle jump. It's so funny that Eric chuckles to himself too, and Kenny clings to his shoulder for support as he wheezes. Their laughter and grins vanish when Craig finally opens the door, like they've been caught doing something bad. Craig has a mildly exasperated look on his face that confirms this.

"Hey, guys," he says, standing aside. "Come on in."

They step into Craig's house wordlessly, as if the wrong word will get their invitation revoked. The party is pretty lively, and Eric hopes they can all blend into the crowd until Stan and Kyle are invisible and he can forget about his problems for a while.

Kyle spots his debate team friends, Token and Wendy, giving Eric and Kenny a quick wave before he drags Stan over to them. Kenny is pulled into a conversation with Jimmy and Clyde, and Eric is alone. He tries to spot Butters in the crowd, but is distracted by Craig asking him a question.

"Did we make a bet about Stan and Kyle?"

Eric looks at Craig and sees him smirking, not maliciously but once again trying to empathise with him. Eric narrows his eyes with a smirk of his own.

"No, asshole, we did not. You know, this is a pretty elaborate way to convince everyone you're over Tweek."

There is no sudden outburst from Craig that lets Eric know he's called his bluff. Eric doesn't think Craig does anything suddenly. It's all very considered, and measured, and boring.

"I am over Tweek," he says simply. "I invited him, didn't I? And when you hurled outside Kyle's house after our little conversation that had nothing to do with the fact I was on to you, right? Just too much beer?"

Eric offers Craig a placid smile.

"Exactly. I was having a good time. Maybe I'll have a good time tonight and hurl all over your carpet, Tucker."

Eric walks away before Craig can say anymore. But he noticed him smiling, and Eric has to bite the inside of his cheek to control the grin dying to spread across his face. What would be the point of reading too much into a conversation with Craig Tucker, after all?

He doesn't see Craig for the rest of the night, or Stan and Kyle for that matter. It doesn't stop Kyle from crossing his mind every five seconds, but he can derail those thoughts with another drink, or making new conversation. Right now, he's chatting to Kenny on the stairs and sipping at his drink when Bebe approaches them, empty wine bottle in hand. She runs a hand through her hair as she approaches them, a little breathless and a little unsteady on her feet.

"Guys, come on, we're playing spin the bottle." She grins. "You in?"

Eric frowns, eyebrows drawing together.

"No? Why would I wanna make out with any of you?"

Bebe rolls her eyes and huffs.

"Please, as if we're all desperate to make out with you. There will be guys in the circle too, Cartman." She shrugs. "Besides, I was only really asking for Kenny's benefit but, you know, just wanted to be polite."

Kenny watches the interaction, amused, before nodding.

"I'm in."

Eric narrows his eyes at Kenny for giving him no other option than to join the game, or be ditched. He sighs.

"Fine, me too."

They follow Bebe to the circle being formed in front of the TV. The coffee table has been pushed aside and is holding everyone's drinks. As Eric awkwardly squeezes himself between Nellie and Kevin he sees Stan and Kyle sat opposite him. Kyle is practically in Stan's lap and their faces are pressed close together, bodies thrumming with laughter. Apparently, Kyle has no problem with PDA as long as there is some alcohol in his system. Eric lowers his head, hoping they don't notice him.

"Alright," Bebe announces, dropping to her knees. "I have the bottle so I'll go first."

The conversation dies down as Bebe spins the bottle, everyone intrigued by where it will stop. The bottle eventually stops and points at Token. It elicits wolf-whistles from the circle, which Eric thinks would have been the reaction regardless of where the bottle stopped.

"Fix!" Red cries, pointing accusingly at Bebe. "Fix, the floor is tilted, you've been wanting to make out with Token for months!"

Bebe laughs, her hair shielding her red face.

"Oh my god, shut up!"

Token is smirking, barely acknowledging the vicarious delight Clyde is taking in all this, sat beside him. He rolls his eyes and smiles at Bebe.

"Just get over here and kiss me, Bebe."

A chorus of 'oohs' ring around the circle. Eric can't help but laugh, especially when he catches Kyle joining in. Kyle spots him and laughs too, and it makes Eric wonder why he wanted to avoid Kyle tonight. Even with Stan on his arm, there's no one else's company he enjoys more. Bebe crawls across the carpet and kisses Token. From the angle at which he's sitting Eric can't see much, but it looks like an enjoyable, enthusiastic kiss, especially when Token's hand reaches out to clutch Bebe's neck, his fingers weaving through her abundant hair. They're definitely going to hook up later.

The game continues with Eric so far un-kissed. Wendy spins the bottle and lands on Stan, which gets a few laughs and Bebe and Red making a couple of throwback jokes. Wendy and Stan take it in their stride, rolling their eyes before sharing a quick, giggling peck. There's a different reaction from the circle when Stan spins the bottle and it lands on Kyle. The circle seems to slump with groans and Eric's eyes sting as he tries to swallow the boulder in his throat.

"Boring!" Red exclaims, hand cupping her mouth.

"Do over!" Clyde demands.

Bebe shakes her head, raising her hands.

"Let Kyle kiss his boyfriend!"

Clearly, she doesn't care about rules now that she's kissed who she wanted. Eric rolls his eyes and hopes no one saw him.

Kyle shrugs in Stan's direction, practically giddy. Stan shrugs too and they fall into a sloppy, drunk kiss that makes the corners of their mouths pique upwards. It reminds Eric too much of his more distressing nightmares, and his heart clenches and his stomach leaps into his throat when he sees their tongues meet. The kiss seems to be the longest kiss of the game so far, and Eric takes a quiet, shaky breath when it's finally over.

"Kyle, if it lands on Stan we're spinning again, okay?" Bebe says with an arched eyebrow.

Kyle chuckles, hiccupping a little.

"Understood."

As the bottle spins, Eric hopes that watching Kyle kiss whoever it lands on will be enough to wash the bad taste out of his mouth. He feels everyone's eyes on him before he notices the bottle has stopped and is, in fact, pointing in his direction.

"Now that's more like it!" Red cheers. Eric doesn't know when she became the unofficial commentator for this game but he really does not appreciate it.

Eric has frozen, and his voice has vanished. He can't even think of what he should do, because this is a classic case of being presented with something you desperately want, that you've planned and prepared for in your wildest dreams, but it being presented to you at the absolute worst place and time.

"Um..." his voice is rough and barely audible. He looks up and Kyle is nowhere as near as perturbed as he thought he would be. "Kyle, we don't have to..."

Kyle shrugs in Eric's direction, just like he did with Stan, like it's perfectly normal for them to kiss.

"It's fine," Kyle says, and Eric doesn't know whether he's saying that because he's drunk, or because all these people are around them, or because he really thinks it's fine. "We're friends."

"Yeah, exactly..." Eric murmurs, his whole body tensing up.

"Relax..."

When Eric looks up Kyle is crawling towards him, smiling with dark, glimmering eyes. Eric can't escape now, even if he wanted to, and so little of him wants to turn away right now.

He flinches when Kyle clutches the nape of his neck, cringing as his fingers dig into sweaty skin. He forces Eric to look into his eyes. His lidded, dark, gorgeous eyes. All Eric can smell is alcohol, and sweat, and Kyle's warm, sweet breath that is so familiar and alluring.

"It's not as if we haven't done this before," he whispers.

If it's meant to comfort Eric, it does not. It just turns him on even more and ties his stomach in tighter knots. Kyle's timing bringing up that uncomfortable, exhilarating childhood memory is just awful.

Eric opens his mouth to speak, which Kyle takes as his cue to crash their lips together. The noise dies in Eric's throat with a tiny squeak, and he can feel Kyle pressing a smile into his lips, his body thrumming with giggles because this is all a joke, and it crushes Eric a little, among the disbelief, and shock, and delight that this is happening right now. But fuck it, if it doesn't mean anything then Eric is going to enjoy it while he can. Eric takes a bracing breath through his nose and parts his lips, pressing his tongue against Kyle's mouth for entry and miraculously, Kyle lets him in with a hot, shuddering gasp. Kyle's smile wilts, but Eric doesn't care because their tongues are brushing together. He brings a shaking hand to Kyle's hot cheek, and he feels Kyle's hand slide slowly across his neck, hand resting just below his ear and thumb pressed against his jaw. Eric's eyebrows draw together as he catalogues everything, so he can remember it all when he's alone.

A few wolf-whistles break them out of their haze, but even though their mouths separate Kyle doesn't move. He keeps his hand on Eric's neck, and their faces pressed together. Kyle looks disoriented, and annoyed, and shaken and Eric studies his face for any sign of regret or hurt but it's hard. He could ask Kyle if he's okay, but he's panting too much. 

"Alright, Kyle, don't hog the bottle!" Bebe laughs, shuffling forward and giving Kyle a gentle shove. Still, it's enough to knock him backwards. "Cartman, it's your turn."

Eric clears his throat and nods, spinning the bottle. But he watches Kyle the entire time the bottle is spinning, trying to convey apology or reassurance from across the floor. Kyle has pursed his lips and Stan is murmuring something to him.

Once again, Eric is distracted by the sound of Craig's voice.

"Alright, let's get this over with."

Eric whips his head around to find Craig, who is staring at him with a bored, arched eyebrow. It brings Eric back to Earth a little bit. He smirks before he can help it, rolling his eyes and crawling over to him. It's clear that Craig isn't going to make the first move, so Eric gulps, squeezes his eyes shut and pulls Craig by his shirt and onto his lips. The wolf-whistles from the circle don't deter Eric this time, they embolden him and Craig, who isn't so reticent about shoving his tongue in Eric's mouth. Sure, it may not be as overwhelming, or all-consuming as Kyle's kiss was, but it's still pretty damn good. Craig is enthusiastic, and well-practiced, and there is something undeniably gratifying and exciting about making out with someone who is considerably more attractive than you.

The kiss stops when Craig nips at Eric's tongue and Eric snorts hideously against his cheek. Mortified, he backs away, trying to feebly laugh along with the rest of the circle. Craig, however, is silent, eyes never leaving Eric. He wipes his mouth, but his smile remains.

* * *

_Eric hangs out with Kyle practically every day. They spend their weekends with Butters and Kenny, and they always go straight to Eric's clubhouse after school to just chat, or play games on their phones, or distract Kyle from doing his homework until they both get hungry. Then they go to Eric's kitchen where his mom is waiting with soda and other sugary, deep-friend delights that Kyle wouldn't otherwise indulge in at home. However, now that they're in middle school Kyle has more than just the occasional basketball practice eating into his free time. He now has basketball, student council, and debate throughout the week but he still finds time to spend with Eric at the end of the day. Eric likes to think it's part of Kyle's winding down process, and knowing that he can relax Kyle as much as he can irritate him is a nice thought._

_Kyle's busy schedule seemed hard to memorise at first, but Eric has got it down now. Student Council meetings only last an hour, meaning that Kyle is usually at the clubhouse by 4:30. Debate and basketball are about two hours long, but Kyle has to shower and get changed after basketball, which means that sometimes he doesn't arrive at the clubhouse until 6pm. However, today is Wednesday, which is not basketball day but debate day. So why is it nearly 6pm and Kyle isn't in the clubhouse with Eric, rambling about his debate subject and probing Eric for his thoughts on it when most of the time he doesn't even understand what Kyle is talking about?_

_Eric is about to text Kyle to ask where he is, and if he's already home then a heads up would have been nice, when he hears the familiar creak of the ladder and Kyle's small, exerted breaths._

_"Hey," Kyle says, smiling and slightly breathless as he climbs into the clubhouse. "Sorry I kept you waiting."_

_Eric presses his thumb to the screen, hitting backspace until the message vanishes. He gives Kyle a grin._

_"Yeah, what the hell, man? Whatever happened to punctuation?"_

_Kyle's eyebrows furrow as he slides his backpack off his shoulders and plops himself down on the floor, crossing his legs._

_"What? I don't know what happened to punctuation." A smile creeps across his face. "Do you mean punctuality?"_

_It's the kind of smile that makes Eric's cheeks burn and activates the fight or flight response in his brain because he knows that Kyle will laugh at whatever answer he gives._

_"No! Yes... is this a trick question? Whatever the one about being on time is, that's what I'm talking about!"_

_Kyle laughs, but not the cackle that Eric was expecting. It's a lot softer. In fact, Kyle's laughter is generally becoming a lot softer around him._

_"That's punctuality," Kyle corrects. "Punctuation is commas, and question marks, and all that, and vocabulary is something you need to work on."_

_"Like your punctuality!" Eric grins, so delighted with his comeback that he could forget all about Kyle's tardiness. Almost. "What took you so long, anyway?"_

_Kyle shrugs._

_"I walked home from debate with Wendy and we just got to talking..."_

_Eric rolls his eyes, dread welling up inside him._

_"Oh god, don't tell me you're going to start dating her! I thought we were done with her when Stan left."_

_Kyle scoffs, like the notion is ridiculous._

_"No, I'm not going to start dating her! She's my friend and besides, even if I did like her it would feel kinda wrong..." Kyle lowers his head and avoids Eric's gaze, brushing some invisible dust from his knee. "Like I'm betraying Stan or something."_

_Eric frowns, not wanting Kyle to fall down a rabbit hole. He shrugs._

_"He's probably got some girlfriend in Arizona who has an awesome tan and a pet lizard. He's probably forgotten all about Wendy."_

_Kyle looks up with pursed lips and bright eyes._

_"Yeah..." he chuckles, nodding. "Maybe..."_

_Even though Kyle dismissed the notion of dating Wendy, it has got Eric thinking of the very real possibility of a girl in Kyle's life, of a significant other for either of them in the future. He gulps, bracing himself to ask the question because honestly, this topic doesn't come up very often in conversation._

_"So do you like anyone?"_

_"What?" Kyle asks, looking up from his phone. Clearly, it was a topic of conversation that was not on his mind. "No, I don't like anyone..." he shifts awkwardly. "None of the girls really interest me. Not that they're not cool people, or nice people, I just, I don't know.... I don't look at them like that."_

_Eric chuckles._

_"I hear that."_

_"Is that how you knew?" Kyle asks, staring at Eric with genuine curiosity. "That you're gay?"_

_"Huh?" Eric asks, not prepared for_ this _topic of conversation. Ever since he came out he doesn't really talk about it with Kyle much. Kyle hugged him and said he was really proud of him, and really, that's all Eric needed. "Oh..." he clears his throat. "Oh yeah, I guess partly that and um... I just see something in guys that I... want." Eric's face flushes again, not because he's afraid Kyle is going to laugh at him but because that word 'want' feels so charged and revealing. "That I like..." he shakes his head, wishing he could find a way to end this. "I don't know, it's hard to explain."_

_Kyle nods, chewing his lip. He clears his throat._

_"Could you see that in me?"_

_"What?" Eric asks, even though he didn't mishear. He knows exactly what Kyle said, he just can't believe he said it._

_The answer, of course, is that Eric could see that indescribable, instinctive quality in him because he sees a lot of things in Kyle that he admires, and is jealous of, and would miss if they vanished from his life. But being attracted to him? It would be too weird, wouldn't it? Kyle must know that, for his face has flushed a bright, tomato red and his eyes have widened._

_"Um, you said that you see something in guys that you don't in girls... th-that makes you like them... do you see that in all boys or just boys you think are cute? I was just wondering if you could see that in me." He shakes his head and tugs at one of the flaps of his hat, like it can shield his face. "I know I'm not particularly cute-"_

_"Dude, Kyle, you're my friend," Eric cuts in, wanting to put the conversation out of its misery._

_Kyle sighs, rolls his eyes to the ceiling._

_"I know, I'm sorry." He draws his knees up under his chin and wraps his arms around his legs. A vulnerable position Eric knows too well. "I was just curious," he mumbles to his kneecaps._

_Eric frowns. Just like when someone sings the first few words of 'Come Sail Away' and he has to finish it, when he sees Kyle in that curled up, contemplative position he has to do something about it. He grins, crawling over to Kyle._

_"But I think if you took off your hat-"_

_"Hey!" Kyle cries, when Eric snatches his hat from his head._

_"Then that would make a difference."_

_"Give it back!" Kyle demands, unfurling from his curled up position and is now on his knees, fuming and ready to pounce._

_Eric chuckles, all Kyle needs is an invitation._

_"I will if you pin me down! Come on, like when we were kids!"_

_Kyle grins, accepting his challenge._

_"Fine. You asked for it."_

_Kyle pounces on Eric, tackling him to the floor with a huff and making the walls of the clubhouse shake. He shoves his hand in Eric's side and immediately starts tickling him. Eric thrashes his head around, writhing on the floor in an attempt to escape, at the mercy of his body's spasms and Kyle's cruel, prodding fingers._

_"Kyle, no, quit it!" Eric cries, voice prickling with involuntary laughter. "That's not fair!"_

_Kyle just laughs in his face._

_"There are no rules against tickling!"_

_Eric growls under his breath, and waits until Kyle's energy drops before wrapping his arms around Kyle's middle and throwing him to the floor. Panting and flushed, Eric climbs on top of him and pins his wrists to the floor, but not before crudely placing Kyle's too-small hat on his head. Kyle snarls, struggling beneath him._

_"You look fucking stupid!" he shouts. "It doesn't even fit you!"_

_Eric chuckles._

_"Then come get it!"_

_Eric bears down more on Kyle, watching him kick and flail and snarl and something about it becomes more alluring than just some regular old power trip. Kyle's neck and face flushes the most gorgeous pink, and Eric is actually jealous that Kyle's teeth get to sink into his bottom lip. Eric's mouth feels heavy when he thinks of doing the same. And as for Kyle's hair, he doesn't get why Kyle insists on hiding it under his stupid hat. It looks springy, and thick, and cute. Eric wants to grab it and pull Kyle close and kiss him. Would that be so weird? Kyle did ask if he could see something in him, and kissing him would confirm that he definitely does. He decides not to think about it any further. He let's go of Kyle's wrist and clutches his hair. It does indeed feel as thick and springy as it looks, and emboldened, Eric pulls Kyle to his lips hard. The force of it, and the fact that it is unexpected on Kyle's end hurts his teeth a little. But Kyle's muffled moan against his mouth makes it all better. In fact, it sends a shiver down his spine and makes him tingly all over. He parts his lips and notices Kyle has done the same. The ridges of his teeth brush against Kyle's sensitive, supple bottom lip and he bites down hard. He expects the yelp, but he doesn't expect to get shoved away._

_That tingly feeling soon freezes into a layer of ice cold dread when he sees Kyle backing away from him with startled, confused eyes. His back hits the wall and makes the clubhouse shudder again. Eric feels himself folding up, the hat sliding down his forehead. He wants to curl up into a tight ball and disappear._

_"Cartman, what the hell..." Kyle whispers._

_"I-I-I'm sorry..." Eric says, voice growing thick._

_"I'm gonna go," Kyle's voice is hard, and he slowly gets to his feet. "Just give me my hat."_

_Eric pulls the hat from his head and holds it out limply. Kyle snatches it from his fingers._

_"Thanks," he mumbles, putting it on and avoiding Eric's gaze. "See you later... "_

_Eric doesn't say anything as he watches Kyle leave. He spends the rest of the week in his clubhouse, alone._

* * *

The circle eventually disperses after everyone has been kissed once, and no other kisses come close to Eric's kiss with Kyle, or even Craig. Still, Eric hasn't had a lot of dating experience, and he's made out with more boys tonight than he ever has... and girls, for that matter. Despite Bebe's claim that none of them were particularly looking forward to the idea of kissing him, the alcohol and the general spirit of the game made everyone appear mildly attractive and certainly kissable. His worst kiss of the night was definitely with Stan, not because Stan was a particularly bad kisser. Much to Eric's displeasure, he witnessed some very impressive kissing from him during the game. But he finds it hard to make small talk with Stan, let alone make out with him. Stan clearly felt the same with his hunched shoulders and tight, pursed mouth before he crawled over to Eric and crashed their lips together. It was a brief kiss with no tongues involved, and it was over before Eric could remember Stan's nervous stomach from childhood.

As everyone wanders away from the circle, Eric makes a beeline for Kyle. He remembers how weird it was after their kiss all those years ago, when he got carried away, and he doesn't want a repeat. He also just wants to hang out with him, even if Stan is there and taking up all of Kyle's attention, Eric wants to push past it so he can spend the night with his best friend. He notices Stan talking to Wendy, and figures this is his best shot at clearing the air.

"Hey..." he smiles, rubbing his sweaty palms on his jeans.

Kyle blinks, shoulders drawing up a little.

"Oh... hi..."

Eric sighs, figuring he should cut right to the chase.

"Sorry if that was weird-"

Kyle shakes his head, face creasing a little.

"Oh no, it's totally fine. I just wasn't expecting..."

Eric steps closer, smile wilting.

"What?"

Kyle looks up at him with wary eyes.

"N-n-nothing I just..." he laughs weakly, chewing his lip for a second. "I wasn't expecting to kiss you but we were playing spin the bottle, so odds are I would have ended up kissing you so... it's stupid that I didn't think that would happen."

Eric blinks, smirking because Kyle seemed very prepared for the possibility they would kiss. But still, he'll humour him.

"Yeah, for somebody who is pretty good at math you should have realised what the odds were that we'd end up making out."

Kyle rolls his eyes and chuckles, probably aware of his transparency.

"Yeah, probably..."

Eric chuckles too, glad they can laugh about it and hopefully put this all behind them. The memory of their kiss won't be tainted by confusion or shame, but something for Eric to cherish and keep for himself.

There's a tap at Eric's shoulder and when he turns his head he sees Craig standing behind him.

"Hey..." Craig smiles.

"Oh." Eric blinks, clearing his throat. His cheeks involuntarily flush. "Hey."

Craig doesn't even acknowledge Kyle, he just seems intent on staring at Eric.

"Can I talk to you alone?"

Eric nods, eyebrows knitting together.

"Um, sure..." he turns to Kyle with a look that asks 'do you have any idea what's happening?' but Kyle doesn't seem amused or intrigued. In fact, he looks wary. "See you later."

Kyle forces a smile and nods.

"Yeah, see you..."

Before Eric can ask what's wrong, Craig is already walking away and expecting him to follow. Eric offers Kyle an apologetic smile and catches up to Craig.

"What is this, asshole?" he asks testily. "Do you want me to help you strategise getting back together with Tweek?"

"No, the last thing I want is relationship advice from you," Craig replies in the same impatient tone.

As they climb the stairs, Eric can't help but look out over the living room to find Kyle, to check if he's okay. He catches Eric's eye immediately, but the look on his face does not reassure him at all. As soon as their eyes meet, Kyle turns away, startled. Eric frowns, and tries to stuff that confused feeling down inside him.

Craig leads him to his room, shutting the door behind him. Eric studies the unfamiliar bedroom, the space skin covering Craig's PS4 and the cage where Stripe VI is gnawing at one of his toys, and wonders why the hell he has been invited here. It really can't be for the reason that people slip into an empty room at parties, can it?

"Okay, now are you gonna tell me-"

"Jesus, Cartman, haven't you figured it out yet?" Craig snaps, closing the gap between them.

"No, what-"

Eric is cut off by Craig cupping his face and kissing him hard. A startled noise dies in Eric's throat, and it's easy for his eyes to drift shut and to tilt his head, leaning into the second best pair of lips he's kissed this evening. But as much as he is enjoying this, he doesn't want Craig to get the wrong idea. He pushes him away, and Craig regards him with lidded eyes. He swipes his bottom lip with his thumb, but doesn't look surprised at all.

"What the fuck was that?" Eric snaps.

Craig shrugs, raking his gaze over him.

"I don't know." He smiles. "Obnoxious personality aside you're a surprisingly good kisser and nowhere as near as unpleasant as you used to be."

Eric smirks, fascinated that Craig put it as simply as that.

"I could say the same about you, Tucker."

Craig grins, showing off his teeth perfected by years of braces, before grabbing fistfuls of Eric's shirt and crashing their lips together again, guiding Eric to the nearest wall and pushing him up against it. Eric has never been kissed like this before, and even if Craig's feelings aren't fuelled by some grand passion or longing, it's still pretty fucking flattering and hot to be touched and kissed like this. But then thoughts of a wary, stung Kyle crack across his mind like a fork of lightening, burned behind his eyelids. He turns away with a small, frustrated breath.

"What?" Craig asks, nose smushed against his cheek. His ragged breath is warm against Eric's already hot cheek.

Eric gulps.

"It's just..." he turns his head and Craig is stil clutching his shirt, waiting for an answer. "I really like Kyle."

Again, Craig doesn't look fazed or shocked at all. He doesn't even look rejected.

"Well, duh. You basically confirmed that when you kissed him."

Eric's eyebrows draw together, and he fidgets a little against the wall.

"So... what is this?"

Craig shrugs.

"It's whatever you want it to be. Distraction or..." he leans in a little closer, body pressing up against Eric's. "A lesson?"

Eric's mouth is dry, but he's afraid of the loud, embarrassing noise he'll make if he gulps.

"Huh?"

"You want to be with Kyle someday, right?"

Eric rolls his eyes and nods. Craig nods too, and Eric considers maybe they needed each other to commiserate with after all.

"Well..." Craig says, as his hand slides between their bodies. "It might be good to get some practice in."

Eric gasps when Craig gropes him through his jeans. He tries to catch his breath as he strokes him gently, nodding. His head thumps against the wall and his eyes flutter shut. Craig must read this as a submissive cue, as he soon unzips Eric's fly, reaches into his boxers and strokes hid burgeoning erection. Eric's eyes fly open for a second and he moans, startled. No one has ever touched him there before, and his cock immediately hardens in Craig's hand. Craig encourages his boner with brisk strokes, and Eric keens even more to his touch when Craig buries his face in his neck, decorating him with hickeys he won't be able to hide from Kyle. That thought makes Eric's cock twitch in Craig's hand.

"We can do more... " Craig murmurs. "If you want..."

Eric nods, of course he'd want to take an opportunity to feel even better than he does already.

"Yeah..." he moans, cringing at how he sounds. "Yes..."

Craig doesn't comment, just drops to his knees. Eric's hips jerk embarrassingly when Craig takes his dick into his mouth, and Eric's mouth drops open in a silent cry. Instead, he manages a choked off, pleading moan as a response to probably the most pleasurable thing his body has ever experienced. He tries to savour the hot, wet feeling, and Craig's hums of effort as he sucks him off because he knows it - and he - is not going to last for long. Eric makes the mistake of opening his eyes and the sight of his cock in Craig's mouth tips him over the edge. He cums with a shout, and he flushes immediately at the sound of Craig choking on his heaviest load. His only regret is that it wasn't with Kyle, but at least he has the memory stored alongside the memory of his and Kyle's kiss. He can combine both memories when he's in the shower or the comfort of his own bed.

Craig is panting below him, and when Eric looks down he's wiping his mouth again.

"Did you want to do anything more?" Craig asks, looking up at him.

Eric fidgets, glad for the question. He shouldn't be surprised Craig asked it. He's recently left a long-term relationship, and Eric can't imagine Tweek being very forthcoming in the bedroom. It's natural that Craig is so considerate.

"Um, no... I mean that was great, but I just... maybe next time?" Eric asks with a smile, hoping there will be a next time.

Craig smiles at him, getting to his feet.

"Are you saving yourself for Kyle?" he coos.

Eric shrugs, rolling his eyes too in defeat.

"I guess. That's lame, huh?"

Craig's smile broadens and he shakes his head.

"No. It's sweet, and optimistic, and... a little prudish. Never thought I'd associate those words with you."

Eric chuckles. Craig glances down at his tented jeans.

"Uh, I kinda have some business to attend to... so..."

Eric blinks, before grinning.

"Oh well, I can help you with that."

He owes Craig that much, right? Craig returns Eric's grin, and Eric crashes their lips together. He fumbles with Craig's zipper, lacking Craig's finesse as he reaches into his underwear and grasps his hard dick. Craig moans, clinging onto Eric's upper arms and burying his face in his shoulder. Eric imagines touching himself, or touching Kyle's dick, aided by Craig's quickening breath he soon finds a vigorous rhythm. His tongue prods at his lip, his arm starting to ache but Craig shallowly thrusting into his hand helps take some of the pressure off. Craig cums with a broken moan, slumping into Eric's body and leaving a wet patch of saliva on his shirt.

Eric is stood rigid in the aftermath, reeling at what he's just done. Craig is catching his breath in his arms, and Eric's wet hand is still shoved into his jeans.

"There's a box of tissues under my bed..." Craig eventually says, breaking the silence.

Eric nods, extracting Craig from his arms and wandering over to his bed.

"That was good, huh?" he asks as he wipes his hand. He feels pretty stoked on himself, but that feeling rests on wobbly insecurity.

Craig nods, chuckling in disbelief.

"Yeah, it was. But maybe go a little slower next time."

"Huh?" Eric's eyebrows furrow. "That's just how I jerk off..."

Craig arches an eyebrow at him.

"You go that fast? Don't you chafe?"

The tips of Eric's ears burn, and he doesn't look at Craig as he finishes wiping his hand and throwing the tissue in the garbage.

"Well, I usually use lube..."

"Noted."

They share one last knowing, shy smile as they leave Craig's room, and while his feelings for Kyle remain unchanged, Eric is just glad he has something to look forward to, something to take his mind off the fact he's in love with his best friend. A distraction, and an ally, and a pretty fucking cute one at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the jealousy and love triangles! Though I guess it's more of a love square? Or a pentagon because Tweek is involved too? Maybe I should update the tags lol anyway playlist updated and songs added below:
> 
> At Most A Kiss - Blossoms
> 
> Nothing Personal - Dinosaur Pile-up
> 
> The Love Club - Lorde
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=6iog_wo_SlCrBwTjLTV5jw
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	4. the shots you don't take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise in advance for the fact that this chapter contains the boys playing hockey, and I just want to put a disclaimer here that I have never played ice-hockey in my life, so to anyone reading this who likes/plays hockey I am sorry for any inaccuracies lol anyway, I hope you enjoy, and thank you for reading! 
> 
> Also, just want to say thank you again for the well wishes I got in the comments of the last chapter. I feel a lot better now, and I really appreciate all the support! <3

Despite Eric not wanting to brag about what happened between him and Craig at his party, word did get around that they went into Craig's room together and, coupled with their kiss during spin the bottle, people put two and two together. The next day, Kyle had called Eric and asked him about Craig, in a tone that suggested to Eric that Kyle already knew the answer. He admitted it to Kyle, hoping to feel a sense of triumph, of the two of them being even, but only felt disappointment tinged with guilt. It didn't feel like a victory at all.

It's been nearly a week, and Craig and Eric haven't hooked up since. Eric is hoping maybe this weekend, if he's particularly bored and lonely and Craig is too. They do talk, but they don't stay up all night texting, nor does Eric feel a rush of excitement when he sees a message pop up on his phone, nor does he feel any aching pangs when Craig doesn't text him for a while. He thinks that's what couples are supposed to feel, and he wonders if Kyle feels that way about Stan. But he and Craig are not a couple, as far as everyone else is concerned they're just... hooking up. Friends with benefits to put a more concise label on it. He and Craig have an understanding, rather than a connection. Eric is fine with that. It's an adequate band-aid for now. He hopes time will do the rest of the healing, and eventually he'll be one hundred percent fine that the person he is in love with is dating somebody else. He can dream, anyway.

Right now though, he's having lunch with Stan, Kyle, and Kenny, while Craig has lunch with Clyde and Jimmy from across the cafeteria. Maybe if Stan and Kyle become too insufferable he'll join them. But currently, he's having a pleasant lunch.

"So, um, did you wanna hang out tonight?" Stan asks Kyle.

Eric waits with bated breath. Kyle has basketball tonight, he won't blow off that just to hang out with his boyfriend... would he?

Kyle shakes his head, face creasing apologetically.

"Oh no, sorry, I can't. I have basketball."

Eric breathes a sigh of relief through his nose, and tries to hide his smug smile.

Stan nods, unfazed. 

"Okay, tomorrow then?" he smiles.

Kyle smiles in return, and nods.

_Damn it._

Eric disguises his frustration by shovelling a forkful of cafeteria lasagne into his mouth.

"Stan, dude, did you play any sport in Arizona?" Kenny asks. "Football or..."

"No, my dad has been nagging me to get back to into it though. In Arizona, I could just drop it and do my own thing... I did get back into hockey though." He smiles, perking up. "You know, without my dad's weird fixation on that pee-wee hockey game, it was kinda nice..."

Eric's eyebrows twitch, puzzled, but his only audience is his lunch.

"Ice hockey?" he says, not looking up from his food. "In Arizona?"

Stan sighs as subtly as he possibly can, but Eric detects it. He doesn't want to be totally antagonistic towards Stan, but little digs now and then don't hurt, and help keep his jealousy in check.

"Yes, they have ice rinks there, Cartman." Stan quickly turns his attention to Kyle. "Does this school have a team?"

Kyle shakes his head.

"No, they don't. But hey, why don't we play a game after school tomorrow?" Eric lifts his head at the sound of Kyle's enthusiasm. "Stark's has frozen over, and you haven't been there since you came back, right? It'll be fun!"

Stan nods, a smile creeping across his face as he considers the invitation.

"Yeah, that does sound fun... alright."

Kyle beams.

"Cool, are you guys in too?"

"Sure, why not?" Kenny shrugs, before popping a french fry in his mouth.

"Yeah, I'm in too," Eric says, bracing himself for a comment from across the table.

Stan does indeed bite.

"So you like hockey?" he asks, eyes narrowing.

Eric rolls his eyes and chuckles, hoping that his flush isn't visible in the form of red cheeks.

"Yes, Stan, I never said I didn't like hockey. I just couldn't get my head around playing it in Arizona. At least here it makes sense."

Kyle's eyebrows knit together, and he smirks.

"Cartman, people don't usually play ice hockey outdoors, you know that, right?" he asks, arching an eyebrow.

Eric shrugs, continuing to fight off his embarrassment with nonchalance.

"Of course I know that. " He taps his fist with his chest before raising it. "Go Rockies."

Kyle stares at him, bemused. Stan chuckles, glancing at Kyle before arching an eyebrow at Eric.

"That's baseball."

Eric shakes his head, waving off Stan's comment.

"Sorry, I was mixing up my dumb sports" he replies, reaching for his soda. His mouth has suddenly dried up.

He looks over at Craig's table again, and eating lunch with them is becoming much more appealing.

Kyle sighs.

"Do you wanna play or not, Cartman?"

Eric nods, gulping down his drink.

"I wanna play." He leans back and grins, patting his belly. "Might as well put this sweet, hockey body to good use."

Kyle snorts, almost choking on his Dr Pepper. He hides his laughter behind his hand. It's so endearing that all of Eric's tension melts away.

"Sweet." Kyle nods. "We'll get a team together."

Eric nods too, this is exactly where having a friend with benefits comes in handy. It just so happens that this benefit is having somebody on your hockey team so you don't feel like a total dick around your best friend and his boyfriend.

* * *

Much to Eric's relief, Craig not only agreed to play hockey after school, but also roped Clyde in too. It was a pleasant surprise that Craig even agreed to play, since he so often insisted on putting as much distance between Eric and his 'dysfunctional' group of friends as possible. Craig had only ever been burned once in Peru, but that was enough to deter him for life. Until he was heartbroken and needed some company, that is. Perhaps a craving for change is just a natural part of the breaking-up process? Either way, he now finds himself awkwardly shuffling to the frozen over pond with Craig, teetering on his skates. Craig had given Clyde, Butters, and Kenny a ride to the pond, and with their hockey sticks jutting between their legs, it was a tight squeeze in Craig's car.

Butters, Kenny, and Clyde have already hit the ice. Butters is rather graceful, drawing elegant patterns in the ice with his skates, scarf billowing behind him like a figure on a Christmas card. Kenny is close behind, trying to imitate Butters' elegant patterns but ending up with far wigglier, though still impressive lines. Clyde is just idly circling the pond, arms outstretched like his gliding over the ice feels like actual flying.

"So have you ever played hockey before?" Eric asks.

Craig shrugs, lackadaisically swinging his hockey stick at his side. His eyes are on the snow.

"Yeah, a bunch of times."

Eric arches an eyebrow.

"I mean, not out on the street?"

Craig meets his eyes, blinks.

"Oh, then never."

Eric sighs.

"Jesus Christ..."

"Dude, calm down, it's just a friendly game of ice hockey." Craig chuckles. "You're not playing for Kyle's hand." He nudges Eric gently, but even the slightest nudge right now is dangerous. "You could play for my hand though?" he says with a salacious wiggle of his eyebrows.

Eric snorts with laughter, delighted because that is the most animated he's ever seen Craig. He's all hot behind his ears.

"What?" he teases. "Down my pants in the back of your truck?"

Craig rolls his eyes, smirking.

"I was trying to be romantic about it, but sure..."

Even though it weakens his balance considerably, Eric has to run his sweaty hand through his hair and pretend that the trees in the distance are more interesting than Craig's suggestion. He regrets not spending more time with Craig this week.

"Fine." He grins, when he can finally look him in the eye. "I'm holding you to that."

Eric stumbles a little as his skates meet the slippery ice, and Craig doesn't bother to help him, just gliding away and drawing a large circle in the ice with his skates. Eric soon regains his balance, and nobody seems to have noticed his stumble.

"Have any of you assholes played ice hockey before?" he calls from across the ice. It gets the attention of his rag-tag team and they skate closer to him.

Clyde's hand shoots up.

"Does pee-wee hockey count?"

Eric sighs, noticing Craig smirking in the corner of his eye as he goes around in tiny, lazy circles.

"God damn it..." he mutters, before looking at Clyde and nodding. "Yeah, it does Clyde."

Clyde nods, lower lip pooched like he's impressed with himself. He taps his stick against the ice.

"Cool."

"Hey, guys!"

Soon, their attention is drawn to Stan heading towards the pond in full hockey gear, with a smug Kyle and an even more smug Ike by his side.

Eric's face drops, before he frowns, lips drawing tight.

"Oh no!" he exclaims, approaching the trio as they take to the ice. "No, no, no! That's not fair, Kyle!"

Kyle cocks his head to the side, frowning and blinking innocently enough to crack Eric up. Almost. He resists the urge, biting the inside of his cheek, hoping his scowl doesn't waver.

"What ever do you mean, Cartman?"

Eric scoffs.

"You... you can't..." he shakes his head, growling under his breath. "It's bad enough that Stan plays hockey on the regular, but you've brought your genetically superior brother along too?"

"Aww, thanks, Cartman," Ike coos, placing his hand over his heart.

Eric rolls his eyes at him and scoffs.

"Genetically superior hockey-wise, twerp, don't get too cocky."

"This is me and Ike's bonding time, Cartman." Kyle grins, gesturing between him and Ike.

Ike nods, puffing out his chest and offering Eric the same shit-eating grin as his brother.

"It's very important for our adopted fraternal relationship."

Eric narrows his eyes at the both of them, before huffing.

"Whatever, let's just play some fucking hockey."

"Wait," Stan says, eyes flitting back and forth between the members of the opposing team. "There's five of you."

"Yeah?" Eric asks, arching an eyebrow.

"That's not even! We need four on each team."

"Oh, now you wanna talk about fair? You guys are already at an advantage-"

"Cartman, your objections are dumb and irrational," Stan cuts in. "Mine are based in logic. You have to forfeit one of your players."

Eric looks helplessly at Kyle, who has his arms folded across his chest and a smug look on his face that says his hands are tied, and he's perfectly okay with that.

"Fine, Butters-"

"We get to pick," Kyle interjects.

Eric's eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

"What?!"

"And we pick Kenny."

Kenny chews his lip, glancing between Kyle and Eric before sheepishly skating over to Kyle. He shrugs.

"Sorry, dude..."

"Kenny?!" Eric cries. "You're gonna ditch us just like that?!"

"It had to be done."

"Traitor!" Eric cries, knowing full well that given the option he would have defected to the better team in a heartbeat... still doesn't stop Kenny from being a no-good, backstabbing son of a bitch.

"Are we gonna play or not?" Stan asks, clearly bored with the politics and goading of it all, which, for Eric, is the most fun part of any competition.

"Yeah, we're gonna play!" Eric snaps, before raking his gaze over Stan and smirking. "Since you look so eager..."

"Yeah, Stan," Craig chimes in, skating up to Eric and peeping over his shoulder. "The Pepsi centre is that way..."

They chuckle together, while Stan frowns and tugs self-consciously at his jersey before skating away from them.

"Nice..." Eric murmurs over his shoulder, sharing grins with Craig.

Butters' soon ruins the moment by skating over to them, shoulders hunched.

"Should we be wearing those helmets, fellas?" he asks, worrying his teeth between his lip as he stares at Stan.

"Relax, Butters, this is just a friendly game of hockey," Eric replies, mirroring Craig's words from earlier. "You're not gonna get hurt."

Suddenly, Clyde is skidding to a halt beside them too, also staring anxiously at the other team.

"I don't know, dude, have you seen professional hockey matches? Those guys are not afraid to throw down."

Craig sighs.

"They have an eleven year old on their team, Clyde. I don't think it will come to that."

"Okay, ready?" Stan calls from across the ice.

Eric nods, although he's far from sure that they are.

"Ready." He places a hand on Clyde's shoulder. "You play goalie, okay?"

Clyde raises his eyebrows at him disbelievingly.

"Oh, so the puck is come flying at me?"

Eric glares at him, digging his fingers into his shoulders.

"More reason for you to try and stop them from scoring, dumbass."

Clyde scowls, shrugging his arm out of Eric's grip before skating to the opposite end of the pond.

Inevitably, Kyle's team are way out in front by the time first period draws to a close, so much so that Eric feels like quitting the game out of the sheer unfairness and boredom of it all. Hockey really sucks, especially when your best friend's boyfriend is a natural, and his brother is Wayne Gretsky junior. Stan and Ike truly are a formidable pair, and Kyle is competitive and athletic enough to keep up with them, even if he lacks the necessary technique and finesse.

Stan expertly dodges Butters, passing the puck over to Kyle who sends it hurtling towards Clyde. Clyde tries to save the puck to no avail, diving for it but the puck slips from his grasp and he lands on the ice with a hearty thump.

"Yes!" Kyle cheers, throwing his fists in the air.

Stan chuckles, beaming as he approaches him.

"Good job, babe!"

Eric wrinkles his nose as he watches them perform some lame handshake, before bumping their chests together and wrapping each other up in their arms. They chuckle together as they skid a little on the ice, falling into a giggling, triumphant kiss that melts away the disgust from Eric's face, leaving gut-wrenching jealousy.

"Okay, let's go!" Kenny calls from the other end of the pond.

Eric looks over his shoulder. Kenny gives him a nod and a small smile. Eric returns it, even if Kenny just wants to make up for his betrayal earlier, Eric will gladly take his support. He is also more determined than ever to take Stan down, to score one goal against him. This will be the final play before the first period is over, and Eric wants to make it count. Stan and Craig grapple for the puck, but naturally Stan is the one to take it. Eric narrows his eyes as Stan glides towards the goal and charges forward, determined to snatch the puck off him and wipe that victorious, steely look from his face.

Stan doesn't cave, doesn't swerve out of Eric's way. It's become a game of chicken now, and Eric feels a goading smile creep across his face. Colliding with Stan is fine by him, because he knows he would knock Stan to the ground like a sack of shit. Hell, it may be the perfect strategy to get the puck. He's not relenting. Eric watches with delight as Stan's eyes widen, his lips part as the realisation hits him he's going to get knocked to the ground. He swerves away just in time, and Eric's knees smack against his unwieldy hockey stick. He shouts out in pain, but he was hurtling towards Stan so fast that the collision has him flying through the air. Everything feels like it's moving in slow motion as he hits the ice head-first with a deafening crack. Everything fades to black like a sudden eclipse has blocked out the sun as his body skids across the ice.

He comes to, barely. The pink, late afternoon sky is twisting in his vision like a cotton candy kaleidoscope. All his surroundings, the trees, and his friends look as fluffy as clouds.

"Fuck, Cartman!" he hears a voice scream. Kyle. But why is he under water? Is he under water too? Did he break through the ice? His chest does feel tight. He can't catch his breath and it hurts when he tries.

"Ky..." he groans, reaching out so he can pull them both to the surface. "Kyle..."

He can see Kyle in the corner of his eye. He drops to his knees with a smack. Okay, so they're not under water. He feels a firm hand on his shoulder.

"Cartman, are you okay?" Kyle asks. That firm hand has transformed into gentle fingers at his cheek. "Can you hear me?"

Eric can see the worry on his face, but everything else is blurry, smudged. He nods, although his head is throbbing.

"Yeah, I'm fine..." he mutters. He tries to get up but his stomach reprimands him, leaping into his throat. "No, I'm gonna throw up."

He crumbles to the ground, but Kyle is there to catch him.

"Dude, it's okay..." Kyle murmurs. "Take it easy..."

His shoulders are resting on Kyle's thighs, and Kyle is cupping the back of his head to support him. Eric's eyes helplessly drift shut.

"Looks like he has a concussion."

Eric blinks his eyes open at the sound of Ike's voice, and scowls that everyone else has crowded around him. There's a concerned crease in Stan's brow, and he's chewing his lip.

"Cartman, dude, I am so sorry!"

Eric frowns.

"Fuck.. you..."

"We'll take him to the hospital," Craig says. "I'll drive."

"Okay," Kyle replies, nodding. "Craig, help me lift him up..."

Suddenly, Kyle and Craig are shoving their hands under his armpits and hoisting his floppy body up. He can hear them huff and feel them buckle, but he's too spaced out to help, or even comment. Even when Stan comes to their aid, Eric can't demand he back off. He's dragged away from the pond, through the snow, and bundled into Craig's car, nestled against Kyle in the back seat.

* * *

The next time Eric comes to, he's squinting into bright, artificial light and is stirred by the sound of murmuring conversations. His cheek is smushed against something warm, a little bony, and there's a mild, familiar smell lingering in his nostrils. There's also a wet patch directly beside his mouth. He soon realises he's drooling and is, in fact, drooling on Kyle's shoulder. He groans, groggy and alarmed, sitting up fast enough to make his already whirring head spin.

"Hey, you're up..." Kyle smiles. There's a clipboard in his lap.

"Huh?" Eric asks. His cheeks burn at the gross slurping sound that he makes as he tries to gather up some saliva. He wipes the back of his mouth. "Oh yeah..." he notices the wet patch on Kyle's shoulder and grimaces. "Sorry..."

Kyle glances at it too, but shrugs.

"Don't worry about it," he murmurs, as he returns to writing on the clipboard.

Eric frowns, leans closer to peer at the form.

"What... what's that?"

Kyle looks up again, smile small and eyebrow arched.

"An admission form? For the hospital? We're at the hospital."

"Uh-huh..." Eric nods, looking around the busy waiting room. The bright lights and chatter makes sense now.

"Shit, we should have called your mom!" Kyle exclaims, eyes widening. "I can call her now..."

Eric throws his head back, face creasing as he shakes his head, as if involving his mom in all this is too painful. All she would do is worry.

"I don't want you to call her."

Kyle sighs, looking at the form once more.

"I think we need to, Cartman."

"Fine..." he pouts, raking his gaze over Kyle as he fills out his form. "Is it just you here?

Kyle blinks.

"Huh? No, Stan and Craig are here too. Stan has gone to the bathroom, and Craig is getting a soda, I think? You want me to find him?"

Eric shakes his head again, eyes closing. His face isn't creased or pained like before, just exasperated, because all these people around him is not what he wants at all.

"No... No, I don't care about Craig, or my mom, or _Stan_." He drags Stan's name out, rolling his eyes dramatically.

Kyle snorts, rolling his eyes too in a gentler, fonder manner.

"That's nice, Cartman. They all care about you though."

Eric cocks his head, letting it flop against his shoulder. He smiles at Kyle.

"Do you care about me?" he asks, not thinking too much about it because thinking just _hurts_ at the moment.

His heart swells with joy, lips parting in delight when Kyle shifts in his seat, a flush rising from beneath the collar of his sweater. He clears his throat.

"Wuh-well, of course I care about you, dumbass! Would I be sitting here if I didn't care?"

Eric hums, like that's exactly what he wanted to hear when it isn't, not really. It's pretty close though.

"Yeah, you care." Eric sighs contently. His arm slithers like a snake between the crook of Kyle's elbow. He rests his head on Kyle's shoulder again, not caring that they're in public, not caring that his shoulder is still wet because it's just so _comfortable_. He lets his eyes drift shut. "You stayed with me."

Not only is Kyle comfortable, but warm too. He's getting warmer by the second.

"Cartman..." he chuckles shakily.

"You're never gonna leave me, are you?" Eric asks. Like his voice, his lax grip grows tighter in Kyle's arm. He gathers the material of his jacket beneath his fingers.

"Wuh-well..." Kyle gulps. "Cartman, we'll have to leave each other someday? We can't stay in South Park forever-"

Eric sighs, shaking his head.

"I know, I know, you're gonna be smart and successful and rich but I'm not talking about that. I just mean...." he opens his eyes and stares up at Kyle with wide eyes. Kyle's soft smile draws him in and he forgets what he wanted to say for a second. "We'll always hang out, right? When we're in town?"

Kyle chuckles, before taking the question seriously and nodding.

"Of course we will."

"You're not gonna ditch me for Stan?"

Kyle blinks, a tiny dent in his brow

"What? No!" Kyle looks into his eyes. "Cartman, you're my best friend."

This is the first time Eric has looked at Kyle and wanted to cry. He may have wanted to cry around him before, and in fact, _has_ cried around him before. A part of him deep down wants to cry when he sees him kiss Stan, he cried, babbling hysterically in Washington when his desperation was enough to resuscitate him, and he cried softly to himself on the way home from San Francisco, exhausted, and aching, and overjoyed that Kyle was finally coming home. But this is the first time he's ever looked at Kyle, doing nothing except _being there_ for him and has just wanted to sob because his heart is hurting and fit to bursting with fondness, and frustration, and yearning and... love. He has to tell him. If any time is right, it's now.

"Kyle, I..."

"Yeah?" Kyle asks, oblivious.

"I..." Eric sighs, slowly losing the nerve. "My head really hurts."

Kyle nods, lips pursing with concern.

"I know," he replies, in a soft, consoling tone, like Eric is a small, wounded thing he wants to protect. "But I'm just about to finish these forms, then we'll call your mom and a doctor will see you, okay? It's going to be fine."

Eric nods, resting his head on Kyle's shoulder and wanting to believe that more than anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just have to mention that while editing this every time I read Eric's "Ice hockey? In Arizona?" line I just kept thinking of Dee's "A leather shop? In Arizona?" line from It's Always Sunny. Honestly, I was going for Dee's tone anyway. 
> 
> Playlist updated here (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=kig_QR1zSqiZvTsbRt4ZYQ)
> 
> Songs added:
> 
> Strawberry Blond - Mitski
> 
> ICU - Phoebe Bridgers
> 
> Affection - Cigarettes After Sex
> 
> Nervous - The Neighbourhood
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


	5. Hanukkah is the time to tell people how you feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title is inspired by Jim's line from the office when he gets Pam for Secret Santa. Frankly, this whole entire fic is based around me rewatching The Office a bunch of times during lockdown and Jim and Pam's relationship in the first three seasons in general? I think an apt summary of this fic would be "Jim and Pam but make it Kyman." That's definitely the vibe. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and I'd love to know your thoughts!

Eric slurps at a food court milkshake as he waits for Stan. This is definitely not how he anticipated spending his Saturday, but when Stan text him asking if Eric could help him buy a Hanukkah present for Kyle, he knew it was an olive branch of sorts. Stan still feels bad for giving Eric a concussion, and Eric is still working on toning down the hostility towards Stan. It's involuntary, but also does not make him look good to Kyle which is his main concern. He has a sneaking feeling that Kyle is behind this little meet-up, because it makes sense that his boyfriend getting along with his best friend will make his life easier. After all, surely Stan could just order a present online for Kyle, right? Why partake in the nearly antiquated activity of shopping in an actual store? Nonetheless, Eric agrees to the shopping trip and makes sure Craig is free this evening so he has something to look forward to.

"Hey..." Stan smiles, hands tucked in his jacket pockets as he approaches Eric.

"Hi, you ready?" Eric asks, skipping pleasantries. But Stan doesn't seem to mind, he just nods.

"Yeah, sure." They fall in step with each other, strolling away from the food court. The mall is so quiet that the silence between them is noticeable. "Hey, um, thanks for helping me out, man."

Eric shrugs.

"No problem. I had nothing better to do," he replies, and wonders if that was mean or honest. Probably a bit of both. "So where did you wanna go first?"

"Barnes and Noble? I don't know, I'm thinking of getting Kyle a book."

Eric nods.

"Cool."

Stan blinks.

"Is that... is that not enough? Should I get him something else as well? I thought Hanukkah presents were small."

"Yeah, they are," Eric replies, sighing to himself as he tries to be reassuring. "A book sounds good. He likes reading. What book did you wanna get him?"

Stan sighs himself, shaking his head.

"I don't know, I don't have anything particular in mind. What does he like to read?"

Eric shrugs.

"Usual nerd stuff. Science fiction, biographies... he's making his way through those books about the giant turtle floating through space."

Stan frowns, eyebrows drawing together.

" _Discworld?"_

"Yeah, that one."

"What book is he reading now?"

"It's got a big red elephant on the front of it... _The Fifth Elephant?"_ he smirks to himself, and feels smart that he may have got the joke behind the title. He's pretty sure there's a Bruce Willis sci-fi movie with a similar name.

Stan doesn't seem to get it, but Eric supposes his mind his elsewhere.

"Okay, cool, so I'll get him the book that comes after that. How many books are there in the series?"

Eric's nose scrunch up as he tries to recall, because Kyle definitely told him once and it was definitely some ridiculous figure.

"Forty-one, I think?"

Stan's eyes widen.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, Kyle's been reading them since he was twelve." Eric smiles to himself. "He gave one to me and it was cool and trippy I guess, but I don't know, I didn't get it. I have no idea how Kyle understood them back then."

Stan nods.

"Kyle is pretty smart..."

"Yeah, and he knows it."

As they walk to Barnes and Noble, they pass a smaller book store on the way with dark, old-fashioned windows. The name of the store is written in faded, Gothic cursive like it magically materialised between a Sharper Image and a store selling musical instruments.

"Let's just go in here..." Stan says, disappearing inside before Eric can even interject.

The store does have an admittedly cool aesthetic if you're into that sort of thing. It's cramped, and just as tall as the other stores but has black beams on the ceiling to create the impression that it's bigger. There are wine-coloured, studded leather chairs shoved into corners for people to sit and read, and Eric believes the sign saying they sell donated books too. The store really does smell like the school library, the air damp with old pages.

"Hey guys, looking for anything in particular today?" a smiling employee asks them. She has wavy dark brown hair down to her waist, and clear-framed glasses, the kind that magnifies her eyes to almost goldfish proportions.

"Uh, yes, do you have any _Discworld_ books?" Stan asks.

The employee beams.

"Of course, in our science fiction section. It's right over here..."

"Thank you," Stan replies, as she directs them to the sci-fi section.

The employee - who they later found out is named Molly - doesn't get rid of them that easily, as they have no clue what book comes next in the series. Molly further confuses them when she says the books don't necessarily have to be read in a particular order, and that there are also YA _Discworld_ books thrown into the mix, which Eric and Stan believe Kyle would turn his rather snobby bookworm nose up at.

Still, they leave with what would chronologically be the next book in the series, _The Truth_ , and Eric can't help but smile as they leave the store. Really, this whole trip wasn't as painful as he thought it would be.

"Thanks again for helping me out, man." Stan smiles.

"No problem," Eric replies, deciding Stan can share some of his good mood too. "I'm sure Kyle will like it."

"Yeah..." Stan glances at the book tucked inside a kitsch paper bag. "I still feel like I need to get him something else, though. I can't just get him a book, right? What did you get? Did you get him anything?"

"A Chewbacca pencil case..." Eric murmurs, hating how embarrassed Stan lets him be of his present. He was pretty stoked on it.

"Oh..."

"I mean..." Eric huffs. "I'm gonna put things _inside_ the pencil case. Just inside jokes."

"Oh." Stan nods. "Oh, well, that sounds really cool, dude. Is the Chewbacca thing an inside joke?"

Eric snickers.

"Not really. He just went as Chewbacca one year for Halloween."

"Oh, I remember that! I thought he went as a vampire that year, though?"

"Yeah, he went trick or treating as a vampire. But for the costume contest he was originally Chewbacca, but then he changed his outfit to the solar system because everybody else was dressed as Chewbacca." Eric can't help but smile as he reminisces, and despite his jealousy and resentment, he'll probably never get to talk about Kyle like this to anyone else. "Honestly, I don't know why he changed." Eric shakes his head and laughs. "I can be a fucking diva but I don't change my outfit three times in one day."

Stan snorts, laughing too, before something catches the corner of his eye. He reminds Eric of a bouncy, reliable dog whose ears prick up when their owner returns home from work.

"Hey, they have a L'Occitane here! You mind if I go in? Maybe I can get him some fancy shampoo or something?"

Eric bites back a sigh and nods.

"Yeah, sure..."

They head inside, and try to avoid eye contact with the snooty, sharply-dressed employees. With their sneakers and hoodies, they're definitely not the store's usual clientele. Still, they quietly browse the hair care section. A sharply-dressed employee with honestly impressive eyebrow game approaches them.

"Can I help you with anything?" he asks.

Stan looks up and clears his throat.

"Yeah, um, I wanna get a Hanukkah present for my boyfriend but I don't know what he would like."

"Well, here we have citrus and almond scents for everyday use, and a lot of them come in eco-refill bottles too, so they're an option if that is something your boyfriend-"

"Oh yeah, I think he definitely cares about the environment," Stan cuts in excitedly. Eric rolls his eyes where no one can see.

"What scents does your boyfriend like?" the shop assistant asks, hands clasped in front of him.

Stan looks to Eric with pursed lips and a crease in his brow.

"I'm not sure, to be honest? His hair always smells nice, but I don't really know the scent-"

"It's coconut," Eric murmurs.

"Huh?" Stan asks, sounding almost betrayed.

Well, he did ask for Eric's help, and surely he gets that this is difficult for Eric too, right? Stan must suspect something, even today should have given him an inkling.

"Kyle's hair," Eric says, impatient, just wanting to get this over with. "He uses coconut shampoo and conditioner."

"Are you sure?" Stan asks with an eyebrow arched.

Of course Eric is sure. He's spent enough time around Kyle these past few years to know the gorgeous, mild scent that wafts past him when Kyle turns his head. He nods, jaw pulled tight.

"Oh... oh, okay..." Stan whispers, before clearing his throat and nodding. He turns back to the poor sales assistant, subjected to their emotional drama. "Um, do you have anything in coconut?"

"Not in our hair care range, but we do have coconut soaps?"

Stan nods, forcing a smile.

"Great, thank you."

Eric is forced to follow Stan to the body care section, and neither of them speak at all until Stan has purchased his coconut soap and they leave the mall, parting with terse goodbyes. Eric doesn't think he'll be invited to the mall with Stan again.

* * *

_Eric is known for being competitive, but Kyle takes basketball way too seriously. It's a sunny, sweaty day in South Park. Eric couldn't tell you the exact day, but it's right smack in the middle of summer vacation, that boiling, sweet spot where all the days blur into one and it feels like the break is going to last forever. He's playing basketball with Kyle, Kenny, Butters, and Craig and those guys. Everyone is crowding around Kyle for the ball. Clyde's sweaty hand is dangerously close to Eric's eye, and he grunts as he shoves him away. Kyle, meanwhile is oblivious, chewing his lip and dribbling the ball casually between his legs, eying up the hoop and weighing up his options. Eric huffs. He really needs to make a move already._

_"Kyle!" he shouts. "Kyle, dude, pass it to me! Pass it to me, Jew!"_

_"Cartman, will you shut the fuck up?!" he snaps._

_"But I'm open, Jewboy!"_

_Kyle rolls his eyes, huffing._

_"You're not open, Cartman, that's football! God damn it... " he mutters, growling as he shoves past Clyde and Token, ignores Eric, feet leaving the ground a little as he tries to score a basket._

_He misses. The ball skirts around the hoop, before ultimately landing on the wrong side of it. Kyle sighs, head bowed as he catches the ball. Eric can't be too pissed off that Kyle cost them a point because he was too stubborn. Being proven right - especially when it comes to Kyle - is a lot sweeter._

_Eric grins, folding his arms across his chest._

_"And this is why Jews can't play basketball..."_

_Kyle looks up at him, scowling. But something isn't right. It isn't Kyle's usual hard, tight scowl but something much more fragile. Eric swears his bottom lip is wobbling._

_"Just fucking take it!" he snaps, before throwing the ball so hard at Eric that it winds him when he hits his chest._

_"Jesus, Kyle, do you have some sand in your - where are you going?" Eric asks, as Kyle storms away from the court._

_"I'm not playing anymore!" he shouts over his shoulder._

_Eric watches him leave, compelled to follow him. It's like his heart is tethered to Kyle's wrist and the further away he goes - shoulders hunched, almost wounded - the harder his heartstrings are tugged, the duller the ache in his chest._

_"Are we playing or not?" Clyde asks._

_Eric nods, half-listening._

_"Here..." Eric murmurs, bouncing the ball on the ground for Clyde to catch._

_"Kyle!" he calls, jogging to catch up with him. "Kyle, wait up!"_

_Eric is panting by the time he's reached Kyle, who has thankfully stopped and has turned around to face him, still scowling but with his arms wrapped around him, defensive and impatient._

_"Kyle, what the hell was that about?" Eric asks, still catching his breath. "Are you that much of a sore loser?"_

_Kyle huffs, looks up at the cloudless sky instead of Eric._

_"No..."_

_With Kyle otherwise preoccupied, Eric can pretty much scrutinise Kyle unabashedly. His nostrils are flared, his scowl is still wobbly, and there's an unmistakable sheen to his eyes. Genuine hurt. Eric's shoulders sags, and he rolls his eyes. He didn't mean to make Kyle feel bad._

_"Dude, you know I didn't mean it when I said Jews can't play basketball, right?" he asks, stepping closer with a smirk. "You're better than any of those douchebags-"_

_"Then why did you say it?" Kyle snaps, voice cracking._

_The unusual tone throws Eric off._

_"I... wh-what do you mean, why did I say it?" he chuckles, almost nervously. "I just say that shit, you know, because it's funny!"_

_Kyle's eyebrows twitch, there's a visible sting spreading across his face, like he's been slapped._

_"Is it?"_

_When Kyle asks him like that, Eric isn't sure of his answer._

_"Well... of course it's funny!" he laughs. "What the fuck are you talking about? It's what we always say! I call you a dumb Jew, and you call me a stupid fatass-"_

_"Yeah, and it's not fucking funny, Cartman!"_

_Eric blinks, eyebrows drawing together and he rakes his gaze over Kyle like he can find something he's missing._

_"I... I don't... I don't get it! When did it stop being funny?" He lowers his voice and meets Kyle's eyes._

_Kyle opens his mouth to reply but then stops himself, clamping his mouth shut with a tiny noise of frustration. He clutches himself tighter, and refuses to meet Eric's eyes, an attempt to disguise the hurt. Then it hits Eric._

_Stan would have never talked to Kyle like that, and while neither of them have changed, what Eric means to Kyle certainly has, and certain things are just not okay anymore._

_"Oh..." Eric whispers, low, soft, and serious. He nods. "Okay..." he looks at Kyle. "Then I'll stop."_

_Kyle blinks, eyebrows drawing upwards._

_"You will?"_

_Eric shrugs, like they're not experiencing a huge shift in their dynamic. He can almost feel the earth moving beneath his feet._

_"Yeah, if it's not funny and it's gonna make you act like this, then I'll stop. You're no fun when you walk away, Kyle." He arches an eyebrow and smirks._

_Kyle almost laughs, but he purses his lips to smother it. Eric can see the remnants of it though, the glimmer in his eyes._

_"Okay..." he nods, smiling at Eric. "Thanks..."_

_Eric shrugs again, with an easy smile._

_"Don't mention it. Come on, let's go wipe the floor with Craig and those guys."_

_Kyle snickers, and they head back to the basketball court together._

* * *

It's the second night of Hanukkah and Eric has just finished wrapping Kyle's present. The insecurity Stan planted about his gift when they were at the mall was squashed when Eric packed the pencil case - shaped like Chewbacca's head - full of memories, and jokes, little mementos over all these years that Eric never knew he treasured so much, and he hopes Kyle will love it as much as he does. He has also decided to tell Kyle how he feels, to write it all down in his card because maybe he can express it better that way? His heart is pounding and the pen almost slips from his sweaty grip as he lets his feelings flow on to the page. He doesn't think too much about what he wants to say. He doesn't want it to be too intense, to scare Kyle away, or to come off as some sappy douche. He just wants it to be clear, so Kyle will be in no doubt of how he feels.

He takes a deep, shaky breath when he puts his pen down. He reads back what he's written, heart thumping to the slow, anxious rhythm of every word. A smile begins to spread across his face. This is exactly what he wants Kyle to know. He's doing this. Then all of a sudden, he feels hands clamping down on his shoulders and he immediately seizes up.

"Hey-o!" Kenny laughs.

"What the fuck!" Eric cries, voice scratchy and shrill. He drops the card on the desk. "How the fuck did you get in here?!"

Kenny shrugs, his laughter simmering.

"Your mom let me in. Wanna hang out?"

Eric shakes his head, runs a flustered hand through his hair.

"I can't."

"Oh, is lover boy coming over?" Kenny asks with a smirk, and a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"No." Eric sighs. "No, I'm... going to Kyle's. To give him his Hanukkah present."

Kenny's face drops a little.

"Oh." He nods, before smirking again. "Your other lover boy."

"Kenny-"

"Too soon?" Kenny winces, rubbing the nape of his neck. "Yeah, too soon." The card soon catches his eye. "So what are you writing?"

Eric looks between Kenny and the card, and scooches closer to the desk.

"Nothing..."

Kenny chuckles.

"Nothing is always something. Can I see it?"

"No," Eric replies through gritted teeth. "You can't."

Kenny chuckles some more, and he sounds more indignant this time. He folds his arms.

"Why does it matter if it's nothing?"

Their eyes meet, and Eric knows Kenny can see in his eyes that the card definitely is _something._ Just as Eric can see in Kenny's how desperately he wants to read it. Kenny's eyes flit between Eric and the desk, so hypnotic that Eric is too slow to stop Kenny snatching the card from the desk.

"Kenny!" Eric cries, lunging from his desk chair towards his nosy dickhead of a friend. "Give me that fucking card back, asshole, or I'll kill you!"

"Right," Kenny chuckles, effortlessly dodging Eric. "Like that's gonna stop me. Let's see..."

Eric growls, pouncing on Kenny and tackling him. They land on Eric's bed with twinned huffs. Kenny's arms - and the card - are trapped beneath him. He wriggles about underneath Eric, trying to free himself and read the card at the same time.

"You're gonna get it all crumpled, you son of a bitch!"

"Not if you leave me alone and let me read it!"

One of Kenny's arms springs free and whacks Eric in the face, applying serious pressure to keep Eric at bay. His middle finger is in Eric's nostril, the heel of his palm pressing against his chin. Eric bites his hand hard to get him to relent.

"Ow!" Kenny seethes, snatching his hand away. He looks over his shoulder at Eric with a smirk. "Do you bite Craig like that? If not, you should definitely try it."

Eric glares at him, face burning from the effort as well as the discomfort of someone other than Kyle and himself seeing those private words.

"Kenny-"

Eric lunges forward, trying to pin Kenny to the bed. But Kenny is faster, rolling away from him and off the bed with an evil chuckle. Eric just sits up, too exhausted and his pride too wounded to fight anymore. He's panting, his glare boring holes into Kenny as he reads the card. But the delight soon drains from Kenny's face. His lips part, his eyes widen a little. There's a lump in Eric's throat.

"Shit, dude..." Kenny whispers, looking up at Eric. "You're really gonna give this to Kyle? You're gonna tell him?"

"Yes! Yes, I can't fucking take it anymore, Kenny!" Eric cries, getting up and snatching the card from him. He holds it to his chest. "When I was at the mall with Stan, I realised I can't just stand by being a fucking spectator to this anymore! I hate that asshole so much right now, but then why should I? Because he did something I was too fucking chicken-shit to do? I've got to do something! Why? Do you..." Eric gulps, looks at his feet before returning to Kenny's stunned face. "Do you not think I should give it to him? What's wrong with it?"

A smile flickers in the corner of Kenny's mouth. He shakes his head.

"Nothing. Nothing, dude, it's just... a lot." He chuckles, before becoming serious again. "I never knew you felt this way about him."

Either the lump in Eric's throat is swelling, or his throat is shrinking. He can't breathe, and the thought of Kyle's reaction is not helping. After all, if Kenny is so shocked by this, then what's Kyle going to think? What kind of position does that put them in? If the highly probable outcome occurs that Kyle doesn't feel the same way, what's left of their friendship then? Could this make everything so much worse?

"Well, I do," Eric murmurs, trying to derail his spiralling thoughts. He crashes back into his chair, putting the card in an envelope. "I figure I should be honest with him, right?"

Kenny nods sagely, hands tucked into his pockets.

"Totally." He clears his throat and glances at the door. "Well, hey, listen, I won't get in the middle of what you're doing so... go to Kyle's." He grins. "Let me know how it goes."

Eric nods, hoping that he doesn't give away how much Kenny's words actually mean to him.

Ten minutes after Kenny leaves, Eric heads over to Kyle's house. It's a chilly December night, and the intermittent flashing of the lights hanging from the gutters illuminate the fading Hanukkah decorations outside. Eric smiles, distracts himself with them as he knocks on the door and waits for Kyle with rising anxiety. When Kyle answers, his obliviousness to the whole thing is almost enough to calm him.

"Oh, hey..."

"Hey." Eric smiles, holding out his gift bag. "Happy Hanukah."

Kyle's jaw drops and his eyes light up and it's actually adorable.

"Oh, dude, thanks!" He says as he takes the gift from Eric.

Eric peers inside, and sees Kyle's parents and his brother hanging out in the living room.

"Is this a bad time or-"

"No, no, come in!" Kyle smiles, stepping aside.

Eric steps inside to see Kyle's mom fussing around some food on the coffee table, while his dad intensely studies a small box in his hand and Ike is slouched on the sofa, tapping away at his phone. The menorah is lit behind them, on a small table below the stairs. Kyle's mom looks up and she smiles, delighted.

"Hello, Eric!"

"Sup, Cartman?" Ike adds, barely looking up from his phone.

Kyle's dad is too focused on his new gadget to even notice him.

Eric smiles.

"Hey, Mrs Broflovski. Ike. Happy Hanukkah!"

"Happy Hanukkah to you! What do you have there, Kyle?"

"Cartman's Hanukkah present."

"Oh, well, let's open it!"

"Sure-"

"Actually, um, can we open it in your room?" Eric cuts in, hand on Kyle's shoulder.

Kyle's eyebrows draw together. He smirks, puzzled.

"Why? Is it something inappropriate?"

"Yes. I mean, no!" Eric flushes, and is so glad he wrote his feelings down. He didn't know he would get so tongue-tied. "No, I'd just rather you opened it alone."

"Oh..." Kyle nods. "Okay..." he turns to his mom, clearing his throat. "Actually, mom, I'm gonna open it in my room. I'll be down in a bit."

His mom does look a little confused admittedly, but nods anyway.

"Oh, okay, bubbe," she replies. "It was nice to see you, Eric!"

"Yeah, you too, Mrs Broflovski," Eric replies as he and Kyle make their way over to the stairs.

Eric can't stop staring at Kyle's back as they climb the stairs, or walk down the landing. It's like focusing on the moon when you're seasick. Eric really does feel like there's rocky, dark ocean all around him. He prays he'll float rather than sink. He's glad to get to Kyle's bedroom. It feels like a second home.

"Dude, you didn't have to get me anything..." Kyle says with a smirk as they sit together on the bed.

Eric's shoulders draw up a little.

"I know, but I wanted to get you something."

"Something I can't open in front of my mom?" Kyle teases as he tears off the wrapping paper. He laughs as soon as he sees Chewbacca's face staring back at him. "Very cool." He looks up at Eric and smiles, crinkled and endeared. "Thanks, Cartman."

Eric can't help but smile too. He can't contain it.

"You're welcome. There's, uh, bonus gifts inside."

Kyle's eyebrows furrow.

"Open it," Eric prompts, breath catching.

Kyle unzips the pencil case, peering inside with parted lips that soon stretch into a grin. He pulls out a reel of photos.

"The photo booth pictures! From my Bar Mitzvah! You actually kept these?"

Eric nods, ducking his head a little.

"Yep." He grins. "Someone had to keep a record of your awful haircut."

Kyle looks at him, wry and exasperated.

"And now I have the image of you wearing that hideous suit forever, so I guess we're even, huh?" He smiles as he studies the photos. He and Eric spent so long in there that Kyle's mom had to drag them out. Eric remembers how close he was to Kyle, how they would laugh into each other's shoulders at every dumb, crude picture. "It was fun though... where did we get those sunglasses from?"

"I think they had props in a bin?"

"Oh yeah, they did!" Kyle chuckles. "What else..." he rummages in the pencil case again, and pulls out a small candy. "What's this?"

"A candy? From the Treasure Room in Casa Bonita?"

Kyle scoffs.

"You've had this since we were twelve?"

Eric shrugs, like it's totally normal.

"Yeah."

"But the rules of the Treasure Room clearly state that if you're twelve or above you can't take a candy-"

"You also can't jump into the pool unless you're a certified cliff diver, but I did it anyway! I'm a fucking Casa Bonita legend, Kyle! I just snuck away while you guys were eating and took the candy."

Kyle smirks.

"Have you thought about getting into urban exploring?"

"Dude, I would fucking kill at that. I've been trespassing since I was like, eight."

Kyle scoffs again.

"Yeah, and you're lame enough for it too." He looks at Eric and smiles. "Seriously though, this is pretty cool. But gross."

"Yeah, I wouldn't eat it if I were you. It's real fluffy with mildew."

"I won't... " Kyle chuckles, before pulling out a rather crumpled sheet of notebook paper out of the pencil case, eyes wide. "Oh my god, is this... is the first cover we designed for _The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs?_ How do you still have this?"

"I was looking for things to put in the pencil case, and I found it in the back of an old notebook."

Kyle laughs, shakes his head in disbelief.

"That's so cool..." his eyes roam over the crude drawing. "I forgot how good this cover was."

Eric is inclined to agree. After all, he designed it. It was a rather surrealist drawing of a penis and bulbous scrotum, with giant, fat boogers dripping from the urethra.

"Right? So much better than the cover Butters went with. Sell-out little prick."

Kyle chuckles, goes to say something but is interrupted by Ike shouting up to him from downstairs.

"Kyle! Come help dad set up his fitbit!"

Kyle huffs, rolls his eyes apologetically at Eric.

"Can't you do it?" he replies.

"I'm helping mom with dinner! I can't be the best son in two places at once!"

Kyle sighs.

"I'll be there in a sec!" He looks at Eric. "I'll be right back..."

Eric smothers the slight disappointment and nods.

"Yeah, better go help Ike hold down the fort," he jokes.

Kyle looks back at him and smiles before heading downstairs. Eric drums his fingers on the bed, trying to psyche himself up to do this, to brace himself for Kyle opening the card but his nerve is vanishing the closer he gets to it all being revealed. He stares at the pencil case, brimming with memories Eric wouldn't trade for anything. So why should he trade it on a shot so risky? Before he can think twice, he snatches the card from the bag and tucks it in his jeans pocket. He prays Kyle won't notice. The disappointment that wells in his chest at the decision he made is a lot harder to wrestle with.

Kyle returns a few minutes later, sighing.

"Okay, so setting up my dad's dumb fitbit is gonna take longer than I thought."

"Boomers." Eric shrugs. "What are you gonna do?"

"Yeah." Kyle chuckles, scratching his arm. He approaches Eric. "But thank you so much, dude, this is so great."

"No problem..." Eric says, standing up and gladly welcoming the impromptu hug. He can smell Kyle's hair. He closes his eyes and inhales the familiar scent, it's almost enough to quell his disappointment. "Happy Hanukkah..." he murmurs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist updated here (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=JAQuayo1SemS2SpJwgZGzA) and songs added below:
> 
> Friend of Mine - Dinosaur Pile Up
> 
> She's the Prettiest Girl at the Party, and She Can Prove it with A Solid Right Hook - Frank Iero
> 
> Green - Cavetown
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3


	6. I can tell just what you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from 'What You Know' by Two Door Cinema Club. I feel like the sixth chapter in the majority of my fics is always a little filler but we've only got two more chapters to go, guys! I hope you enjoy, and I'd love to know your thoughts!

While Kyle has continued to attend school council meetings after school, he also has to attend meetings during his lunch break too, which Eric thinks is total bullshit. Surely whatever they discuss in those meetings isn't important enough to eat more into everyone's time. Eric imagines Kyle feels the same way, as the most pressing issue for the school council at the moment is planning the annual Christmas Ball. Stan's homecoming aside, Kyle generally doesn't do parties, and ran for student council so he could make a difference and implement changes that would affect student's day-to-day lives, not so he could have meetings about whether they should hire a band or a DJ for a dance in their gymnasium.

It's been a fairly quiet lunch, chatting to Kenny and trying to make conversation with Stan, when a frowning Kyle marches over to their table.

"Hey..." he mutters, not looking at anyone as he takes a seat beside Stan.

"Hey, what took you so long?" Kenny asks.

Kyle sighs, shaking his head.

"There was a whole thing about decorations for the ball. Some people want green and red to make it really Christmassy, and others want pale blues and purples because that's more 'classy,' and it's not so 'in-your-face' Christmas - not my words." Kyle drops his folded arms on the table and plops his chin there. "At this point I really don't care anymore."

Stan frowns to himself, and his eyes begin to twinkle. Eric can practically see the light bulb glowing above his head.

"Wait, have I not asked you to the ball yet?" he smiles.

Kyle looks at him, smirking with eyebrows raised. Eric doesn't know if the nauseous feeling in his stomach is dread at what he's about to witness, or disgust at the cheesy proposal.

"No..." he teases. "I assumed we would be going together though. That's why _I_ haven't asked _you_. But we can make it official." He sighs, sitting up straighter and looking into Stan's bright eyes. "Stan, do you want to go to the ball with me?"

Stan grins and chuckles.

"I would love to go to the ball with you."

They kiss and Eric stares firmly at his lunch. That feeling was definitely dread, and he's not going to look up until he's rode the feeling out. He takes a bracing breath, lifting his head and clearing his throat.

"So what happened? With the decorations?"

Kyle blinks, pulled out of his loved-up, giggling haze.

"Oh... oh, purple and blue won out."

Eric smirks.

"Class triumphed over Christmas."

Kyle chuckles, nodding.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that."

He doesn't even wait to finish lunch before texting Craig under the table, asking if he's free after school because he really needs to see him.

A few hours later he's kneeling at the foot of Craig's bed, focusing on Craig's encouraging groans as he sucks him off. He never thought he would like sucking dick as much as he does. He likes the noises Craig makes, and how he imagines he looks when he does it, and his mind just kind of empties. He doesn't think about Kyle, and Stan, and missed opportunities. He's not totally stoked on the, uh, 'final' part of it. But he swallows anyway, because he doesn't really know where to spit.

Once he's swallowed, Craig flops back onto his bed with an exhausted, contented sigh.

"You're getting really good at that..." he says, still trying to catch his breath.

Eric smirks, popping up from the bottom of the bed.

"Is that so?"

Craig looks up with a crooked smile, and nods.

"Uh-huh. You're gonna rock Kyle's world someday."

When he's leaving Craig's, or when Craig has gone home and he's alone in his bedroom, it often crosses his mind if something that is pretty fun and exciting already, would feel even better with Kyle. Would his mind empty when he's on his knees in front of Kyle, or would his brain be flooded with thoughts of him? His sounds, and his touch, and his taste, and how good he could make him feel if he had the chance? Craig is right, he would certainly try his best to rock Kyle's world. He wouldn't rest until he did. But that possibility, that 'someday' seems farther and farther away every day, and soon it may just disappear.

Eric sighs, getting up slowly and plopping himself on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know..."

Craig fixes his pants and shuffles forward, so he's sat right next to him.

"What do you mean?"

"He's going to the Christmas ball with Stan."

Craig scoffs, eyebrow arched.

"And? They're not getting married."

Eric turns to look at Craig, eyes narrowed.

"Why do you care so much?" he asks. "About me and Kyle? If I was with Kyle, I wouldn't be fooling around with you."

Craig rolls his eyes and tries to avoid Eric's stare. He's now learned that means Craig is embarrassed.

"Yeah, because I need you so much," he says, before sighing. "I don't know I guess that being in a relationship for so long has made me a little romantic? It's nice, to root for love."

Eric nods, his gaze trailing over Craig.

"Why did you and Tweek even break up in the first place, man?"

Craig shifts on the bed, mouth drawing tight. Eric can see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"I... I don't know." He shakes his head. "The reasons are just really foggy now. We'd been together for so long... guess we got a little bored?"

Eric nods, although he doesn't understand, can't ever imagine himself feeling that way.

"I could never be bored of Kyle," he murmurs.

"Yeah... it was fun with Tweek too," Craig replies softly, fondly. "I miss it."

Eric looks up, smirking.

"Oh, I'm not fun?"

Craig chuckles.

"Yeah, you are," he says, like he's both joking around and being earnest at the same time. He's good at that. "Just a different kind of fun."

Eric's smile crinkles, and he looks around Craig's bedroom as he considers what he's about to ask.

"Were you planning on going to the ball?"

Craig blinks, before shrugging.

"I don't know. I was gonna just tag along with Clyde but then Annie asked him. I wouldn't go alone."

"How about you come with me?"

Craig nods slowly.

"Yeah, okay. Sounds cool." He smiles, and gives Eric an appreciative nudge. "Thanks."

* * *

_"God, how much longer?" Eric groans, throwing his head back. It hits the dusty, hard headrest with a thump._

_"It's another couple of hours, Cartman," Kyle murmurs, looking up from his phone._

_It's safe to say that Eric's patience for this field trip is razor thin. He was pissed he had to get up at an ungodly hour to drive to fuck knows where to look at wildlife and nature he could just go to Stark's to see, and now he's stuck on a bus for the majority of his evening? He should be lounging on his bed and scrolling through his phone with Cheesy Poof coated fingers right now._

_The chatter of the bus has died down. Eric's classmates only have the energy to scroll through their phones and ignore their friends, which is what Kyle is doing right now. Eric is bored of his phone now, too agitated to distract himself. Kyle is a guaranteed stimulant. He huffs, folding his arms and slouching in his seat._

_"There's no way in hell I'm not ditching tomorrow. This is fucking ridiculous! Just because the school is too cheap to book a hotel for us I have to suffer-"_

_"Do you really think you're the only one who's suffering right now?" Kyle snaps. "Your complaining won't get us home any faster. Why don't you just, I don't know, take a nap?"_

_Eric smirks, sitting up and shifting in his seat._

_"Because how do I know you won't mess with me while I'm sleeping?"_

_Kyle returns the smirk, rolling his eyes and sighing sweetly._

_"I guess that's just a risk you'll have to take. But if you're really worried..." he unzips his backpack and rummages around, pulling out his headphones. "Here. We can listen to music to pass the time."_

_Eric glances between Kyle's face and the headphone he's been offered, before taking it and slipping it in his ear. He sighs like it's something he half-heartedly wants to do._

_"Fine." He grins. "Maybe your shitty music can bore me to sleep."_

_"Whatever gets you unconscious quicker..." Kyle mutters, scrolling through his phone._

_Kyle chooses a playlist that seems to be full of soft, indie songs. Not his usual fare, Eric thinks, but it succeeds in getting him to drift off to sleep. He wakes up an indeterminable amount of time later, but the sky is a deep pink, fading into purple, and the trees, mountains, and buildings they pass are draped in shadow, future silhouettes. There's some song Eric doesn't recognise playing in his ear, but the acoustic guitar is soft and the singer's voice is emotional._

_Eric's head has flopped onto his shoulder, and there's some drool hanging from his lip. Alarmed, he wipes the back of his mouth and hopes that Kyle won't notice the wet patch on his shoulder. But Kyle is otherwise preoccupied. His forehead is pressed against the window, and he's staring, almost mesmerised, by the scenery passing them by. It's like he's in telepathic conversation, like he can see things Eric can't. Eric wants to ask him what he's thinking about, what he can see, but he also wants to leave it up to his imagination. He can't stop looking at him. He loaned Kyle his hoodie earlier in the day because a bird crapped on Kyle's. It was funny for a second before Kyle started to have a germophobic panic attack, and Eric insisted that if he was going to be such a pussy he could loan his hoodie instead. It looks better on Kyle. A smile tugs at the corner of Eric's mouth but then vanishes when he can feel Kyle's warm, gentle hand on top of his own._

_Eric knows better than to say anything. He doesn't know what this exhilarating, stomach-clenching feeling is but he's not ready to give it up yet. Plus, Kyle doesn't seem to have noticed, or even mind._

_When Kyle soon realises Eric is awake, Eric is sure he will move his hand then. He'll probably flush and apologise, and Eric will rip on him for a bit and that will be it. But he doesn't move his hand, he doesn't even acknowledge it. They just talk as usual with their hands touching the entire time. It's the most content game of chicken and Eric would happily let it continue forever. But the pink sky dulls into black, and the bus pulls up in the school parking lot, breaking them out of their trance._

_The chatter starts back up again, as everybody is impatient to stretch their legs and get home._

_"Okay, everybody, single file!" Miss Kinsey announces from the front of the bus. "I know it's been a long day and you want to get home, but no pushing and shoving!"_

_Eric gets up, his whole body stiff. He stretches and his back makes a loud, satisfying crack._

_Kyle wrinkles his nose, grimacing._

_"That was the grossest sound I ever heard."_

_"We can't all be skinny athletes like you, Kyle," Eric teases._

_Kyle smirks._

_"Why is you being so unfit my fault?"_

_They get off the bus, and Eric feels like he should say something about his hoodie but Kyle hasn't mentioned anything about giving it back. If he really likes it he can have it. Eric spots Kyle's mom waving at them from her car, before spotting his own waving too._

_"Hi, boys!"_

_"Hello, Miss Cartman!" Kenny grins. "How are you?"_

_He's mastered the saccharin, parent-pleaser talk. Eric hates that his own trick is being used against him. He glares at Kenny._

_"Kenny, don't make me regret giving you a ride home, okay?"_

_"Shotgun!" Kenny exclaims, ignoring his warning._

_"God damn it..."_

_Kyle chuckles sympathetically._

_"Well, see you guys tomorrow..." he says with a wave._

_Eric nods, a little forlornly._

_"Yeah, later..."_

_He watches Kyle walk away with his hoodie, perfectly fine with the fact he will never wear it again._

* * *

Turns out, Eric's prediction that he would never be invited to the mall with Stan again was wrong. It's just over a week since that uncomfortable shopping trip, and he finds himself traipsing around the mall with Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Butters, suit shopping. Eric would have happily bought his suit by himself, but his sartorially challenged friends clearly needed some company to make this trip worthwhile and bearable, which it has been thus far. Eric has had conversation with Kenny and Butters to distract him, and as much as it still needles him, has left Stan and Kyle to their own cloying devices. Plus, three out of five of them have bought suits. Kenny settled for the cheapest option in the store. A scratchy, woollen, dull, khaki coloured suit that would look hideous and dated on anyone else but that he can just about pull off with his good looks. Honestly, his golden complexion and crooked smile are carrying the whole look. Butters has found a pale grey suit with bubblegum pink lining, waistcoat and pocket kerchief, and Stan's suit is a midnight blue that he looks unfairly handsome in. Eric can't help but think that he and Kyle are going to look great together. That is, if Kyle buys a suit today.

He and Kyle are yet to find their suits. Eric believes his taste is way too lavish and expensive for a sensibly priced suit shop located in the South Park Mall, and Kyle is an odd, impossible-to-please combination of picky, and clueless about what looks good. Still, they've taken one each to the changing room. Kyle has chosen a suit similar to Butters, but sans waistcoat and with a pistachio lining and pocket kerchief. Eric had smiled to himself when Kyle selected it. The colour will really bring out his eyes. Meanwhile, Eric has selected probably the most outlandish suit in the store. It's an azure blue tux, and he is entirely aware that the suit only drew his eye because it could potentially one-up Stan's. He is unsure if it will even look good on him, but still he took it off the rack and marched to the changing room with Kyle in tow because spite is an excellent motivator.

Right now though, his chubby fingers are wrestling with the flimsy bow tie.

"Cartman!" Kyle calls from outside the stall. "Cartman, are you ready?"

Eric huffs.

"Yeah, in a minute!"

"Dude, you're taking forever!"

"God damn it, give me a minute!" he snaps. "It's this fucking tie..."

He can hear Kyle sigh.

"Do you need a hand?"

Eric grumbles under his breath, shaking his head.

"No, it's fine."

"I'm coming in," Kyle announces, pulling the curtain back and stepping inside before he can protest.

In fact, Eric can't speak at all with Kyle in front of him. The suit is incredibly flattering, and fits him perfectly. The cuffs sit at a perfect length on his wrists, and the tailoring carves an elegant silhouette. He looks grown-up, and put-together, and so, so handsome. Eric was right. The pistachio colour really brings out the green in his gorgeous blue-green eyes. Although maybe mesmerising is the right word, as Eric can't peel his eyes away. A warm feeling sits, content and smug in his chest, that he's the first person who gets to see Kyle like this.

"I thought you would have worn a tux before - what?"

Eric blinks, yanked out of his haze. His mouth feels heavy.

"Huh? What?"

Kyle's smile wobbles, and he puts a hand to his pink cheek.

"You were looking at me funny."

Eric gulps, clearing his throat.

"Oh..." he whispers, before shaking his head and raising his voice. "Oh, it's nothing, I just... I-I-I've never seen you, um, you look good..."

The colour on Kyle's face deepens, and Eric grins helplessly.

"Oh, thanks. Here," he says, stepping forward and fixing Eric's tie.

Eric's whole body stiffens when Kyle is so close to him, his hands so close to his neck. Eric has to look above Kyle's head to fight off the image of Kyle's fingers sliding across his neck and grasping him tight, forcing him to his lips. But there would be no force about it. Eric would gladly surrender, would gladly return the kiss and press Kyle up against the wall in the - what Eric is quickly realising - tiny stall.

"There." Kyle smiles when he's finished. "Aren't you going to take a look?"

Eric blinks, and nods because he's still struggling with his words. He turns around and sees himself and Kyle, shoulders pressed together, beaming at their reflections and dressed to the nines.

"Wow we look..." Eric's voice trails off as he tries to find an appropriate, neutral word. "Good."

Kyle snorts.

"Is that the only adjective you can think of?"

Eric grins, nudging him gently.

"Fine. We look... dashing."

"Suave."

"Sophisticated."

"Debonair."

Eric smirks.

"Ooh, very nice."

Kyle chuckles, before turning to face Eric.

"So you excited? For the ball?"

Eric nods, shrugging.

"Yeah, sure. It should be fun."

Kyle smiles, and his eyes wander the floor.

"I bet you never thought Craig Tucker would be your date to a dance, huh?" he says with a thin chuckle.

Eric's heart aches when he thinks about their reflections, how much he wants it to be reality, and how much _more_ of it he wants. He wants them to walk in to the ball together, to have pictures taken together smiling just like they were in the mirror, and to dance like dorks and laugh all night together. But he smothers that feeling, tries to tell himself that it doesn't really matter. It's just a stupid dance, just one night. He sighs.

"Stranger things have happened, Kyle."

Kyle nods, before fidgeting a little and pursing his lips.

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess..."

"Um... " he looks down again and purses his lips, losing his nerve. "You and Craig... have you gone all the way?"

Eric snorts, and it makes all the tension in the room dissipate.

"'Gone all the way?'" he laughs. "Kyle, what decade are you in right now?"

Kyle flushes again and he gives Eric a hard, embarrassed shove.

"I don't know how to say it! But you know what I mean!"

Eric chuckles, rubbing his shoulder.

"No, I don't know what you mean because I'm not a character in a teen movie. Don't think about it and ask me."

Kyle takes a small breath, his jaw tightening.

"Have you fucked Craig?"

It raises the tension just a bit, but Eric is too amused to let it get the better of him.

"No. I have not fucked Craig. Why?"

Kyle swallows loudly. Eric can see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. He can't look at Eric again.

"Um, well, because I'm thinking of doing it with Stan." He starts to smile, just when Eric's mood is plummeting. "I think he wants to do it too, and nothing has been explicitly said but I have a feeling he wants it to happen the night of the ball. And if you had done it I just wanted to know what to expect, what it would feel like-"

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint but I can't help you," Eric cuts in. He takes his jacket off, hoping it will indicate to Kyle that he's getting changed, and that he doesn't want to talk about his anymore.

He can see Kyle frown, and his eyebrows draw together. He must sense that Eric is in no mood to talk, but that he's not going to get shut down so easily.

"Okay. Do you not think I should do it?"

Eric freezes, before whipping his head back around to find Kyle, who is stood waiting for his answer.

"What? Why would you think that?"

Kyle huffs and rolls his eyes.

"Because you're being kind of a dick."

Eric's heart is racing. The walls really do feel like they're closing in and he just wants to shove Kyle out of there and let him deal with his stinging, jealous feelings and the mental image of him and Stan having sex in peace.

"What am I supposed to do?" he snaps. "Get excited about you popping your cherry?"

Kyle blinks, stung.

"Well, it's a big moment for me I thought you would be more enthused!"

Eric glowers at him.

"Maybe I would be excited for you if you didn't seem so fucking hesitant."

"Wh- I'm not hesitant!" Kyle snaps, voice scratchy. Maybe it feels like the walls are closing in for him too. "I-I-I want to do this!"

"Then you know what? Just do it already! Why do you have to wait until a stupid dance? Why are you and Stan treating this like you're the lead characters in a fucking teen movie? If you want to fuck your boyfriend so much, Kyle, then you should just go ahead and fucking do it!"

Kyle listens to his rant with a tight scowl and wide, indignant eyes. His body seems to shudder for a bit in the aftermath, like Eric has filled him with effervescent anger and he's about to explode.

"Fine, I will!" he shouts, throwing the curtains back.

He looks over his shoulder before he leaves.

"I don't know what the fuck your problem is with me and Stan, but if you want us to keep hanging out then you better stop being so fucking antagonistic!"

Kyle has said a lot of cruel, painful things to him over the years. But that knocks the breath out of his lungs, is so terrible it leaves his mind whirring. Being friends with Kyle has changed him in a lot of ways. For one, he does actually think about the consequences of his words and actions now. But he still fucks up. Despite himself, he is still angry, and spoiled, and mean. He hates to be reminded of it though, like right now. He sighs, stepping forward.

"Kyle-"

Kyle storms away, disappears behind the curtains of his own stall.

"Don't fucking talk to me!" he demands before Eric can come in. "I don't want to talk to you!"

Eric stumbles back, wounded. Kyle's hypocrisy makes it way too easy for him to lash out.

"Now who's being antagonistic?" he says, regretting it immediately. He shakes his head. "Dick..." he mutters, before skulking back into his stall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist updated (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=_a0GB363TS2Amc2iwDfBzQ). Song added below:
> 
> Your Teeth - Peach Pit
> 
> Dead Wrong - The Regrettes
> 
> What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	7. a bad liar with a saviour complex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is a lyric from 'Saviour Complex' by Phoebe Bridgers. It's an especially angsty chapter, folks. But we're so close to the end! I hope you enjoy and I'd love to know your thoughts!

"Alright," Craig says, stretching his long, slim limbs like a cat, before turning to Eric with a smirk. "How long until we can blow this whole thing off and go back to my place?"

Eric grins, honestly surprised and impressed that Craig asked that before he did. The Christmas Ball isn't as cherished or essential as prom, it's just a pre-cursor to the winter break that they're all itching for. If Kyle wasn't his friend, and Eric wasn't afraid of spending the night alone in his bedroom knowing that Kyle was out with Stan, he would never have come. He knows that if he had never asked Craig, he wouldn't have come either. But he slicked back his hair, threw on a simple tux and walked into the gym with Eric hand in hand.

"Well, I think Kyle would be kinda pissed if I didn't stay for at least another hour."

Craig nods.

"Okay, fine. Ten pm and we're outta here, okay?"

Eric nods in return.

"Okay." He arches an eyebrow. "You're not having fun?"

Craig shrugs, picking his already stubby nails.

"I just think dances are boring," he says, gaze wandering to the other side of the gym.

Eric's eyes follow his path, and it leads him to Tweek, barely in a conversation with Clyde and Kenny, shoulders hunched and shy, contemplative eyes staring at Craig right back. Like fucking magnets.

Eric sighs.

"Yeah, I guess they're boring if you're not with the person you want to be with."

Craig turns to look at him, eyebrows furrowed.

"Dude, what-"

"Chill, it's fine, I'm in the same boat." Eric chuckles, before he spots Tweek rubbing his hands on his pants and approaching them. "Shit, Tweek is coming over."

"What?" Craig asks, eyes widening a tad. He must really be nervous.

"Just be cool," Eric instructs, shifting in his seat and fixing his gaze pointedly nowhere near Tweek.

"Hey, Cartman..." Tweek says meekly. "Craig."

Eric turns his head, face expressionless and casual. He gives him a nod.

"'Sup, man?"

"Yeah, what's going on?" Craig asks, as to-the-point as always.

Tweek's eyes widen, and his Adam's apple bobs.

"N-n-nothing. I was just... " he sighs and gives Craig a small, earnest smile. "You look nice tonight."

Eric watches, amused, and feels Craig's body soften next to him, like Tweek is thawing him out. Even post-orgasm Eric has never seen Craig so relaxed and contented.

"Thanks, so do you. What has that got to do with anything though?"

Tweek's hands fidget in front of him and he gulps, suddenly solemn.

"I know... I-I-I know you're here with somebody but I was just wondering if we could talk?"

Eric raises his eyebrows after Craig doesn't take Tweek up on his offer immediately. Seriously, what's his problem? Isn't he in love with him? Doesn't he want to get back together with him? What is he waiting for? Eric's blessing? Eric shifts in his seat and clears his throat, grinning.

"I don't see a problem with that."

Tweek blinks, looking between Craig and Eric with surprised, delighted eyes. Craig whips his head around, staring at Eric like he's trying to decipher his motives.

"Dude, what the hell are you-"

"Craig, it's fine. Tweek clearly has something important to say." Eric looks up at Tweek with a smile. "But Tweek, at least be a gentleman and ask him to dance too."

Tweek nods rapidly, smiling tight and grateful at Eric. He clears his throat again.

"Um, alright..." he simply holds out his hand to Craig, and it's only slightly shaking.

Craig is in shock for a second, before he clasps Tweek's hand and lets Tweek pull him to his feet.

"Come on..." he says, the one to lead them to the dancefloor.

Craig looks back at Eric with a small, appreciative smile and a nod. It's nowhere near as dazzling or inspiring as Kyle's, but it's pretty damn heartwarming. It makes Eric wonder if he should do more good deeds if it's such a great ego trip. He slouches in his seat a little, arms folded across his chest and admiring his handiwork; Tweek and Craig, reunited, pressed close and swaying with closed-eyed, tender relief. His eyes wander the crowd and absorb all the swaying couples, pressed flush and lost in their own little worlds, the slow, cheesy song draping them in sentimentality.

But his eyes soon snag on Stan and Kyle. Stan's head is resting on Kyle's shoulder, and if Eric didn't know any better he would almost say it was in a goading and smug way. But Stan is too oblivious for that, and besides not everything is about him. He guesses that he is the last thing on their minds right now, in fact. Kyle looks serene and contemplative, staring into nowhere before his eyes meet Eric's. Eric flushes, and fidgets in his seat. Kyle's eyebrows draw together as he seems to clock the fact that Craig isn't sat by Eric anymore. He turns his head and soon finds Craig dancing with Tweek, and Eric abandoned by his date. Kyle returns his gaze to him. He has a lump of shame, and embarrassment, and disappointment in his throat so large he can't even swallow it. Kyle mouths, 'are you okay?', misreading his disappointment completely.

Eric tries to swallow the lump, and it pushes tears into his eyes. The room becomes misty and Kyle is a just a concerned blur. Eric can't take him looking at him like that anymore, wants to be the object of so many things to Kyle but the last thing he wants to be is one of pity. He nods to try to assuage his fears, but knows he has to get out of there. He stands up, grabs his jacket from the back of the chair and doesn't look back as he slips it on and walks out of the gym.

He marches down the hallway and out of the main entrance. Thankfully, the parking lot is empty and it almost inspires Eric to scream and cry. He really would, but he just feels numb. His ears are ringing, like he's just stumbling around, disoriented, hearing everything at a discomfiting, despairing frequency.

"Hey..."

He hears Kyle's voice, and the ringing stops. He turns around and sees Kyle approaching him warily, arms folded and with a placid smile. Eric notices he's shivering, and that he isn't wearing a jacket. He must have just followed him straight out, left Stan on the dancefloor. It's almost enough to make Eric smile.

"Oh, hey..."

Kyle steps forward, arching an eyebrow.

"Can I ask what the hell just happened between you and Craig?" he asks with a thin chuckle.

Eric shakes his head, pursing his lips.

"Nothing. I think Tweek wants them to get back together, and who am I to stand in the way of true love, right?" he says with an even thinner, wobblier chuckle.

Kyle nods, and smiles sadly at him.

"Well, that is surprisingly noble of you." His eyebrows draw together again, serious and concerned. "What about you though?"

Eric is slow to respond. He's still reeling, and doesn't know how to act, doesn't know how much longer he can keep this all bubbling underneath the surface.

"Huh? Oh, I'll be fine," he says, waving Kyle off. "He and Tweek make way more sense than me and him ever did."

"Yeah, to be honest I..." Kyle stops himself, shaking his head and looking away. He laughs, embarrassed. "You know what? I probably shouldn't say it."

Eric blinks, desperate to hear it.

"No, it's fine," he insists, stepping forward. "You can say it." He chuckles again. "I'm not exactly torn up about it."

Kyle hums in soft, amused agreement. He rakes his gaze over him, arms still folded tightly across his chest.

"It's just... um..." his shoulders draw up, his face scrunches up a little. "I guess I never really got it either? I know you guys were never serious, but when you came here together I was kind of thinking you were. But it's none of my business. As long as you're okay-"

"Yeah, yeah sure..." Eric nods.

"Alright." Kyle smiles. "Well, I think I'm gonna go back inside. You coming?"

Eric looks over his shoulders at the hallway visible through the glass doors; lit harsh, and fluorescent, and daunting.

"Yeah, in a minute."

Kyle gives him a tight, sympathetic smile.

"Okay. See you in there..." he says, before turning to go back inside.

Eric doesn't say anything, just chews his lip and watches him. He has the exhilarating, terrifying feeling that once Kyle slips through those doors it will be all over. If he can't say it concussed, or in a letter, then when can he say it? Now seems as good a time as any.

"Kyle, wait..." he says, before he can change his mind.

Kyle turns back around, clearly stirred by the urgency in his voice.

"Yeah?" he asks, stepping closer.

Eric blinks, it's hitting him just how unprepared he is. He tucks his hands into his pants pockets.

"I..." he shakes his head, and forces down the bolder in his throat. "I'm not okay. Um, I haven't been okay for a while, actually. Ever since Stan came back, ever since you two started - a-a-and that's partly why this thing with Craig happened in the first place. To distract me, to prove something to myself..." He squeezes his eyes shut, and shakes his head again, embarrassed and babbling. "I don't know. It was stupid-"

"It's not stupid." Kyle has stepped closer, and his words prompt Eric to open his eyes. He can't stop looking at him. Kyle sighs. "Cartman, I've noticed you've been acting weird since Stan came back but I had no idea you were feeling this way. Is it something I did?"

"No..." Eric murmurs. "No, it's not something you did. You did nothing wrong. It's all my fault."

Kyle shakes his head, and he makes a tiny, grumbling noise of confusion and frustration.

"Cartman, I don't get it."

Eric looks up at Kyle, who is waiting, wide-eyed and wary, for his answer, for his confession.

"It's... it's just that, um..." He takes a shaky, defeated breath and looks nowhere but Kyle's eyes. "I'm in love with you."

Kyle's face falls, and Eric sees it fall in agonising slow motion.

"What?" he whispers.

"I'm in love with you," Eric says, and it's easier than the first time. He doesn't know if his eyes are burning with sadness or relief. "I've been in love with you forever and I only realised it when Stan came back. I saw you guys kissing at your party and it hit me all at once. I'm sorry I didn't say something earlier, but I really didn't know-"

"What... I don't..." Kyle's eyes are roaming all over Eric, and they finally settle on his face. "Cartman, I don't know what you want me to say to that. Except that I'm sorry-"

Eric sighs, hanging his head and shaking it.

"God, no, Kyle don't..."

"I just don't want to lose your friendship," Kyle says regretfully. "You have no idea how much it means to me."

Eric nods, snickers dryly because he should have known that would have been Kyle's response. It stings like a motherfucker right now, but he will be okay with it someday. At least he got to say it, at least Kyle knows.

"Yeah, right," he murmurs. He clears his throat. "Listen, I'm just gonna go..."

Eric turns to walk away, but he's stopped by Kyle grabbing his arm and tugging him back.

"Hey, I mean it, Cartman! Your friendship means more to me than anything!"

Eric sighs.

"Kyle, I know-"

"No, you don't know! When Stan left I felt so lonely, and abandoned, and helpless, and you were there for me! You were there for me and I never even asked you to be there! You were so unexpected, and amazing, and I'm so proud of you. I appreciate you so much. I don't know what I would've done..." Kyle closes his eyes and sighs. " _Would do_ without you, so please don't go."

Eric has no idea what to say, no idea what to do. He can't stay here anymore, but he also can't bear the thought of leaving Kyle alone, distressed and abandoned on the steps. Eric should be the one with something to say, after all, Kyle just said his peace. But why does Eric feel like he's waiting for something? Kyle's fingers slide down his arm slowly, buying him time. As soon as Kyle's fingers slide away from his wrist, Eric cups the side of Kyle's face and brings him to his lips with surprising, wonderful ease. Kyle doesn't stiffen, doesn't protest, or try to wrench himself away. He parts his lips, curious, and inviting and only grabs Eric to pull him closer. More sure of themselves, they press harder and Eric pushes Kyle up against the wall without thinking about it, melting at the whimper that's muffled against his lips. Kyle's hands are on his arms again, still in an attempt to get him to stay, holding him tight and unabashedly.

"You don't know how much I've wanted to do this..." Eric whispers in between kisses. He wants Kyle to know so badly, it hurts too much to keep it in. It makes him wonder why he didn't tell him sooner. "Ever since Craig's party I've wanted to do this with you again..."

"Me too..." Kyle says, confession and epiphany all in one.

Eric chuckles in delighted disbelief, and when Kyle chuckles too the sound between them is euphoric. But their eyes become lidded, drawn to each other's mouths and soon they're meeting again, and again, and again. Faster, until it's hard to breathe and Eric is cupping Kyle's face and clutching his hair, gorging himself on him. They part when Kyle's phone buzzes. Kyle gives him a small, apologetic look before pulling his phone out of his pocket. His body tenses.

"It's Stan."

Eric, meanwhile, deflates. His eyes roam Kyle's face.

"You're not gonna go back to him, are you?"

"I think I have to," Kyle murmurs to his phone.

"What are you gonna do?"

Kyle sighs, eyes drifting shut. He shakes his head.

"I don't know. I just... let me go back inside, okay?" he says, looking into Eric's eyes and imploring Eric to trust him. "I'll talk to you later."

He slips away from Eric's hold too easily. Eric just feels bereft of him.

"Kyle, I thought-"

"I'll talk to you later," Kyle says, voice brittle, already halfway inside the school. "I'm sorry."

Eric stares after him, watching him walk down that dreaded, damning hallway. He can't help but fear that he's got what he wanted, and lost it just as fast.

* * *

Kyle has felt adrift since Cartman kissed him, since he told him he was in love with him. He regrets leaving him, regrets going inside when he has so many questions but he would need all night to talk to him. He doesn't know where to start, and Stan was waiting for him. Stan was concerned when Kyle returned to the gym, but he seemed to believe it when Kyle insisted he was okay. Kyle wonders if Cartman would have bought it, if he could sense he really wasn't okay, if he would keep pressing. It's surprising to Kyle, that he has never really compared Cartman and Stan before. But now he can't help but draw sharp parallels between them.

He's still replaying that moment over and over, the confession and the kiss on a loop. The words make him shiver, make his stomach clench with anxiety, his heart leaping with the opportunity he still hasn't taken. He's itching to do something, but he doesn't know what. But then he remembers Cartman's kiss; the soft, contented hum; his tongue in his mouth; his hands cupping his face and he wants to take all those things and run. But he can't, at least not right now, because now he's walking to Stan's house. The quiet, Friday evening echoes their lack of conversation back to Kyle, but Stan seems thankfully oblivious. Kyle is glad of this, he's trying his hardest to avoid hurting anybody tonight.

They get to Stan's front door, and Stan gives Kyle a small, encouraging grin over his shoulder before he unlocks the door. Kyle tries to return the smile, but it's curdled by his nervous stomach. Stan's parents are picking Shelley up from the airport and then taking her to dinner, which gives Stan and Kyle just the privacy they need to, uh, 'consummate their relationship.' Stan has already joked it will be the highlight of his winter break, especially with his older sister staying with them.

The house is dark, and Stan doesn't even turn the lights on before cupping Kyle's face and directing him to his lips. Kyle returns the kiss with a huff, as he's pressed up against the wall. He hates how this isn't his first kiss of the evening, and he hates how delayed and mechanical his responses are. Stan is eager and enthusiastic, and it frightens Kyle that this may all be moving too fast for him to keep up with.

"Dude, wait, we can't do it here..." Kyle manages to say in between kisses.

Stan chuckles, brushes his nose against Kyle's.

"I know. I really don't want my parents walking in during my first time." He pulls back a little, shoulders straightening. "Let's go to my room. Do you want a drink or something?"

Kyle grimaces and shakes his head. He really couldn't keep anything down right now.

"No thanks, it would just make me more nervous."

Stan blinks.

"You're nervous?"

Kyle's eyebrows draw together. Stan used to vomit around his crush, how could he not be nervous about losing his virginity?

"Yeah, aren't you?"

Stan shrugs, smiling.

"A little..." he looks into Kyle's eyes. "Mostly excited."

Kyle nods, forcing a smile of his own.

"Oh yeah, me too."

With a grin and no other words, Stan takes Kyle's hand and leads him upstairs. Both their hands are sweaty, and when they reach Stan's room and he flicks the light on Kyle can't help but look around. The room is plain, half of Stan's boxes aren't open and the room isn't fully lived in yet.

"Do you ever miss your old house?" he asks.

"Where?" Stan replies, hand still in Kyle's. "In Arizona?"

"No, your old house in South Park."

Stan thinks for a little bit, before shaking his head.

"Not really. It's been so long since I lived there." He studies the room too. "This doesn't really feel like home though, I'm only gonna be living here for two years and then we'll be in college."

Kyle nods, wondering why he's been fighting so hard to keep Stan around when they'll all be going their separate ways soon. Even Cartman. Kyle's whole body seems to seize up, rejecting that notion completely. It just puts him under more pressure to _do something_ about these confusing, exhilarating feelings, like time is running out.

"Right..."

Stan seems undeterred by how rigid he is right now, smiling and cupping his face, directing him to his lips again. It succeeds partly in thawing Kyle out. He's determined to return the kiss so Stan doesn't suspect something is wrong. Stan's fingers slide into his hair, and Kyle finds his waist. They share heated, staccato kisses.

"Do you wanna... um..." Stan's voice is humid, his words struggling through. "The bed?"

Kyle chuckles and nods, finally starting to relax. Stan's grin makes it all worth it, leading Kyle over to the bed. They sit gingerly but their mouths are soon reconnecting, and Kyle is glad they're taking their time, that the urgency in their enthusiastic kisses isn't completely overwhelming. But as the room gets hotter, and when their tongues meet, Kyle's mind wanders to Cartman helplessly, and how it felt so exciting, and... right. Kyle believes what he said, that Cartman's friendship was entirely unexpected, but when they kissed it felt like this is what Kyle has been waiting for all along. Stan's kisses slide away from his lips, barely reaching him.

He tries to push Cartman out of his thoughts but he can't. His mind is belligerent, focused only on him. He may as well give in. He thinks of the dark, desperate look in Cartman's eyes before he kissed him, how his body froze but then flexed into the kiss, and how it felt to be wedged between the wall and Cartman. His heart is racing, and his underwear has gone a little tighter.

Stan senses this, and Kyle's eyes fly wide open when he feels his hand on his thigh.

"Wait!" he yelps.

Stan's eyes fly wide open and he removes his hand immediately. The moment is shattered, but Kyle would have felt dishonest letting it go on.

"Are you okay?" Stan asks, staring at him with wide-eyed concern.

Kyle nods rapidly, a lump in his throat.

"Yeah, I'm..." he sighs. "I'm sorry."

Stan shuffles closer and places a hand on his shoulder.

"Dude, it's alright. If you're really that nervous we don't have to-"

"No, no, it's okay just give me a minute," Kyle cuts in, determined to salvage the moment and banish all thoughts of Cartman. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom."

He's heading out the door before Stan can even respond.

"Okay, sure..."

Kyle stumbles into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and collapsing into the sink, gripping the rim until his knuckles are pale and bulging. He's panting, and trying to collect his breaths. He scowls when he sees himself in the mirror.

"Get a fucking hold of yourself!" he snaps. He's seen people do this a million times in movies and it pretty much always works. "You can do this. You want to do this." He squeezes the rim of the sink. "You don't want to lose him again..." he whispers, before frowning. His body slumps and he rests his elbows on the sink and buries his head in his arms. "I can't do this."

He jumps when he hears a knock at the door.

"Kyle? You alright in there?"

Kyle stands up straight and nods vigorously, glad Stan can't see his face right now.

"Y-y-yeah, I'll be out in a minute!"

"Who were you talking to?"

Kyle flushes, before rolling his eyes. Why did Stan have to fucking hear that?

"Nobody! I... I'm talking to nobody." He buries his head in his hands when he realises how crazy he sounds. "Oh my god."

"Can I come in?"

Kyle sighs, because trying to convince Stan he is alright is clearly a lost cause.

"Sure..."

Stan slips in the room with a weak smile that soon vanishes. He sighs, and steps towards Kyle.

"Kyle, we really don't have to do this if you're not ready-"

"No." Kyle shakes his head. "No, it's not that."

"Then what's wrong? Dude, you can tell me."

"No, I can't..."

"Why?"

Kyle folds his arms tightly across his chest.

"Because you'll hate me," he murmurs.

Stan shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

"Dude, I could never hate you. Please just tell me."

Kyle feels a bit better now he's had that promise. He wonders why he even doubted it in the first place. He takes a deep breath, bracing himself for his confession, and the beginning of the end.

"Cartman kissed me."

Stan's face falls.

"What?" he whispers. "When?"

Kyle holds himself tighter, winces at the bewildered, devastated look on Stan's face.

"A couple of hours ago. When I went outside to check if he was okay, he told me he's been in love with me forever, and he kissed me."

"Did you kiss him back?"

Kyle's jaw pulls tight, and he nods.

Stan deflates.

"Oh..."

Kyle swallows the lump in his throat.

"I'm so sorry," he says, voice cracking.

Stan sighs, doesn't look at Kyle as he rubs the nape of his neck and tries to process all this.

"Well... I'm not... I'm not _entirely_ surprised."

Kyle blinks, staring dumbfounded at Stan.

"Huh?"

Stan chuckles and shrugs.

"He's so obviously crazy about you, Kyle."

Kyle flushes, and purses his lips.

"It's that obvious? Does that make me a huge fucking dumbass for not noticing?"

"No... maybe you're just too close to the situation?" Stan suggests. "Maybe you didn't want to believe it."

Kyle nods, staring into space.

"He does stare at me a lot," he whispers, his already hot cheeks growing warmer as he recounts all those long, fond stares that he would never dissuade. "I've always liked the way he looks at me."

He shoots Stan an apologetic look when he realises what he just said, and Stan tires to awkwardly deflect it by rubbing his neck again and clearing his throat.

"When you, um... when you kissed him back, did you like that?"

Kyle really doesn't want to answer that. He hopes his silence is answer enough.

"You can tell me, Kyle. I think I deserve to know."

Kyle nods slowly, closing his eyes.

"Yeah, I did like it... "

"More than you like kissing me?"

Kyle's eyes open, and he frowns.

"Stan-"

Stan shakes his head, pursing his lips.

"Don't answer that actually."

Kyle's body deflates of tension, and anxiety, but there's still a lot of guilt left over.

"Stan, I am so sorry."

Stan shakes his head, but the bright bathroom lighting doesn't hide the dejected glimmer in his eyes.

"Don't be..." he shoots Kyle a tight, sad smile. "I'm glad you told me. So where does this leave me and you?"

"I guess wherever you want to leave it?" Kyle admits, because he hasn't got a clue. "I'm the one who fucked up here. I really don't want to lose you again-"

"Again?" Stan asks, eyebrows furrowing. He steps closer. "Kyle, I'm not going anywhere."

Kyle's heart prickles.

"You're not?"

Stan shakes his head, laughs softly like the notion is ridiculous.

"No... before all of this and above anything, you're my best friend, dude. I love you."

Kyle nods, nose stinging with tears. He purses his lips.

"I love you too," he whispers, before he gives Stan a hug.

Kyle can't help but feel it's the most natural embrace they have shared. He thinks of Cartman's kiss, his confession, and is desperate to return it.

"I'm, uh, gonna go talk to Cartman," he murmurs thickly into Stan's neck.

Stan nods.

"I hope you work it out."

Kyle pulls back, face sticky and flushed. He sniffles.

"Thanks."

* * *

Eric thinks he handled Kyle's... _leaving_ very well. Maybe he was just in shock, maybe he didn't know what was going on, but he managed to walk back into the dance, find Kenny and Butters and convince them to bail. When he has no clue what the hell is going through Kyle's mind, it's surprisingly easy not to overthink, to just get drunk with his friends and perpetuate dumb conversation to distract him. Stumbling into his quiet house way after his curfew though, he's limited on distraction. He hopes he's drunk enough to fall into deep, dreamless sleep and hopefully tomorrow there will be clarity.

But when he walks into his room, rubbing his eyes, he notices the lamp by his bed is already switched on, and Kyle sitting there waiting for him. He jumps but Kyle looks calm other than the fact his lips are pressed tightly together and he's fiddling with the sleeves of his hoodie. Given the night's events, Eric's heart creaks at the sight. How is this even happening? Is he going to get clarity now?

"Kyle," Eric whispers, in disbelief. Just saying his name confirms that something is about to happen. "What... how..."

"Your mom let me in," Kyle says, taut. It's like he has a lot of words he wants to get out. "She said you would be home soon."

Eric blinks, shakes his head, still struggling to process this.

"I don't..." he rakes his gaze over Kyle. "You changed."

"Yeah." Kyle chuckles ruefully, tugging at the hoodie. "I really wanted to get out of my suit."

Eric frowns, stepping closer. He doesn't want to be coy.

"Why aren't you with Stan?"

Kyle sighs, looks at his lap before he meets Eric's eyes again. Kyle's eyes are tired and glimmering.

"I told him everything, Cartman."

Eric's throat shrinks and he clams up.

"You did?"

Kyle closes his eyes for a second while he nods.

Eric gulps, scratches behind his ear and tries to smother the anxious feeling in his chest.

"Is he gonna kick my ass because I'd like to see him try." He chuckles thinly.

Kyle snorts, it's a soft, lethargic sound.

"No." He shakes his head. "No, he was surprisingly cool with it. He said it was obvious."

Eric is embarrassed, but still a smirk plays across his lips. Often it crossed his mind that Stan must know something, so in a strange way it's cool to have it confirmed that he did.

"Well, that's really fucking embarrassing." He chuckles, but frowns when something else dawns on him. "Was it obvious to you?"

Eric thinks that the way Kyle's face fell earlier indicates that it, in fact, wasn't obvious to him but maybe he was wrong.

"No... no, I don't know." Kyle sighs and runs both hands through his hair. "My head is all over the place and I feel like I can't trust my own memories."

Eric frowns, and ducks his head. He knows the feeling. It was the same disorienting, destabilising feeling that hit him on the stairs when he saw Stan and Kyle kiss for the first time. But any satisfaction he can derive from Kyle now going through the same thing quickly curdles into guilt.

"That sucks." He sighs. "I'm sorry, man, I really didn't mean to make you feel like that."

Kyle snickers, gives him a small, one-armed shrug of forgiveness.

"Yeah, I thought the days of you fucking with my head were over."

"Makes a change from me obsessing over you," Eric remarks playfully.

"I obsess over you just as much," Kyle admits. It feels like a wound has been opened tonight. "That's what I'm doing right now."

Eric's eyebrows draw together.

"Is that why you're here?"

It's getting easier to ask forthright questions.

Kyle shrugs, and his hoodie looks heavy on his shoulders.

"I don't know why I'm here. But I couldn't stay with Stan, and I really didn't want to be on my own so..."

Eric nods. He may not have clarity but he's halfway there, and Kyle choosing to be with him - if only for tonight - is more than enough.

"Okay, that's cool."

Kyle smiles at him, but his face creases with some misplaced guilt.

"Cartman-"

"I know," Eric cuts in. "Kyle, I'm not expecting anything from you. I'm just..." he smiles with a lump in his throat. "Really glad you're here."

Kyle returns his smile, and his tired eyes crinkle at the corners.

"I don't really want to talk tonight. Do you mind if I just crash?"

Eric snickers, and shakes his head.

"No, that sounds really fucking good right now." He's too exhausted to get into anything too deep. "I'm, uh, gonna just..."

He jerks his head towards the bathroom and Kyle nods in understanding. He pads across the landing slowly, like he's wading through his disbelief. He has a piss, and then brushes his teeth with the small, murmuring hope in the back of his mind that he and Kyle will kiss again. When he returns to his room, Kyle has already made himself comfortable in his bed. The quilt is pulled up to his chin, and he's staring at some random spot on the wall before he registers Eric and their eyes are drawn to each other like magnets. Just like Tweek and Craig earlier. Their eyes follow each other until Eric turns around to undress. He can feel Kyle's eyes on him, and when he looks over his shoulder Kyle immediately averts his gaze. Eric appreciates it because the thought of Kyle watching him makes him equally nervous and excited.

He changes into a t-shirt and a pair of crinkled pyjama bottoms, stuffed at the bottom of his drawer and that he never wears. He usually sleeps in just his underwear but that feels inappropriate now. Kyle doesn't say anything as he walks over to the other side of the bed and gets under the covers, warmed by Kyle's body heat. He stares at Kyle's back, at his shoulders rising and falling gently. He directs his gaze to the ceiling and tries his hardest not to look at Kyle when he turns around to lie on his back. He chokes on a gasp when he feels Kyle's fingers brush against his. They thread together and when Kyle turns his back on him again he does so with a tug, easily pulling Eric closer. They're in a spooning position, and when Eric shuffles closer Kyle presses their intertwined hands to his chest. Eric is glad Kyle can't see the ecstatic look on his face right now. His heart is pounding and he can feel the steady, quick thump of Kyle's too.

"Is this too weird?" Kyle asks, with quiet laughter in his voice.

Eric is smiling so hard his cheeks are hurting.

"No, it's nice." He can't stop staring at Kyle, and pressed so close but facing away from each other, Eric feels emboldened to say anything. "I love you in my hoodie."

Kyle chuckles.

"Thanks. It's my favourite."

Kyle gives his hand a squeeze, before reaching over to turn the lamp off.

"Good night, Cartman."

"Night, Kyle," Eric whispers, fighting to keep his eyes open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Playlist updated here (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=m4N4RQrtR8yi750gfG_QSw) and songs added below:
> 
> Friends - Omar Apollo
> 
> 505 - Arctic Monkeys
> 
> Making it Up - A.W.
> 
> i love you - Billie Eilish
> 
> Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers
> 
> I Always Knew - The Vaccines
> 
> Pink in the Night - Mitski 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	8. you're the one that brings the sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, guys! The last chapter! I'll gush more in my author's note at the end, but for now I'll say thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy and I'd love to hear your thoughts! 
> 
> Chapter title is a lyric from 'I Dare You' by The Regrettes.

The next morning Eric doesn't wake up to his fingers knitted together with Kyle's, pressed against his chest. Instead he's lying flat on his back and Kyle is sat up, scrolling through his phone. Eric stares at him for a little bit, his hair all poofy and the phone illuminating his still bleary eyes, and a smile stretches across his face. Twenty-four hours before he never thought he would wake up to this sight, never thought he would tell Kyle how he feels, that he would kiss Kyle again and that he would kiss him _back_.

"Hey..." he says, voice raspy.

Kyle blinks, before looking at him and smiling.

"Hi."

"Did you sleep well?" Eric asks, still in disbelief, still not wanting to ask anything that could potentially ruin this precious, precarious situation.

Kyle's smile broadens.

"Yeah, I slept great."

"Me too," Eric whispers, and his cheeks warm because he knows the exact reason why he slept so well.

Kyle looks between Eric's face and his phone, suddenly shy. The mattress jostles a tad as Kyle shifts his body.

"Thanks for letting me crash."

"No problem..."

Kyle sighs, smile dimming as he rakes his gaze over Eric.

"I think we should talk about last night."

Eric freezes, his body going into fight or flight mode as it tries to prepare for the possibility that he's either about to hear the words he has been longing to hear, or that Kyle is going to let him down gently. He clears his throat and nods.

"Okay, but before we get into that I, um, think I have something that will answer all your questions."

Kyle blinks, eyebrows drawing together.

"What?"

"Go into my nightstand," Eric replies, feeling more confident now. "There should be an envelope with your name on it."

Kyle smirks, the crease in his brow deepening but he still reaches into Eric's nightstand. Eric hopes he doesn't root around for too long and find anything potentially embarrassing, but that envelope is probably the most revealing thing he has. Kyle soon finds it and pulls it out of the drawer.

"That card was meant to be with your Hanukkah presents," Eric says, and it feels like his voice is catching on his heart, pounding in his throat. "I was going to tell you then how I feel but I chickened out so I think you should read it now."

Kyle nods silently, sensing Eric's nerves. He opens the letter and Eric watches Kyle read the entire time with sweaty palms and his heart beating unbearably fast. He wishes he could see the words reflected clearly in Kyle's eyes, but he just has to read his face. He's smiling, beaming at his words, but then his face drops. Eric wants to ask how he's feeling but doesn't want to interrupt him, if he could even find the words. He sees Kyle's eyes glisten and then brim with tears. He sees his cheeks pink, and watches him suck in a terse, shaky breath. He purses his lips, but they still wobble, especially when he looks at Eric. His pounding heart seems to come to a halting, aching stop.

"This..." Kyle whispers. "This is how you felt the whole time?"

Eric nods, still struggling with words. His eyes are misty.

"Pretty much since I can remember, yeah," he says with a small shrug, and an even smaller chuckle. His insecurity gets the better of him, and he looks down at the sheets for a moment, before sighing. "Kyle, I get it if you don't feel the same way but-"

Eric is cut off by Kyle pouncing on him, throwing his arms around his shoulders and crashing their lips together. Eric huffs when his back hits the mattress, and he blindly grabs for Kyle's back and hair. Kyle has pinned his shoulders to the mattress and they don't seem to be coming up for air anytime soon, just sharing hard, enthusiastic, giggling kisses.

"God, Kyle, yes, you don't know how long I've wanted to do this..." Eric murmurs , breathless, in the space between their lips. "So fucking crazy about you..."

Kyle nods and moans, eyes squeezed shut as he kisses him again.

"I know," he murmurs. "I'm crazy about you too."

They continue kissing, lips fused together as they try to make themselves more comfortable on the bed. Eric is partially on top of Kyle for a bit, before they roll over and lie side by side. Eric's t-shirt has ridden up and so has Kyle's hoodie, his hair is more poofy and wayward than ever now that Eric has dragged his fingers through it. Kyle's cheeks are warm and flushed, and he is the most inarticulate Eric has ever heard him with his moans, and whimpers, and panting breaths, but he has never wanted him more. Eric has seen Craig flustered, and worked up, and got him off a few times but he has never wanted to unravel someone more than he wants to unravel Kyle. He slips a hand between their bodies, and gropes at Kyle through his tented sweatpants. Kyle makes a soft, choked-off sound that sends shivers down Eric's spine and makes his own cock twitch. He's emboldened when Kyle immediately keens to his hand.

"Is this..."

Kyle nods, mouth agape and struggling to catch his breath as Eric jerks him off through his pants.

"W-w-wait..." Kyle pants. "Take it out..."

Eric nods, and buries the delighted disbelief on his face in Kyle's neck before he reaches into Kyle's bottoms and pulls out his dick. It just turns him on even more, and he rubs his own concealed boner against Kyle's hip as he jerks him off, and peppers kisses on his neck. Kyle is close, Eric can tell by the twitching of his hips and the desperate whimpers raining from his mouth. But he doesn't want Kyle to finish like this, he wants to test something out, something he's been imagining for quite some time now. He shifts a little, kissing behind Kyle's ear.

"I can make you feel so good, Kyle..." he murmurs.

Kyle doesn't reply, just moans in agreement, and Eric takes that as his cue. He follows the path of kisses down Kyle's neck, before peeling himself away from Kyle's body and tugging his bottoms down a little more, giving him some reprieve. He shifts further down the bed, seeing Kyle's swollen, hard cock for the first time and seeing his hazy, confused face. Eric has to smother a whimper. He keeps his eyes on Kyle as he wraps his fingers around the base and takes the head of his cock into his mouth.

Kyle makes that choked-off sound of before, louder this time, before he flops back onto the pillow.

_"Oh my god..."_ he gasps.

Eric smiles as much as he can with his mouth full, and it's only a matter of seconds before Kyle is arching into his mouth with anguished moans.

" _Aaah... Aaah, Eric!"_ he cries, cumming down his throat.

Eric keeps sucking Kyle off as he rides his orgasm out, gagging a little and dying for a release himself. He's rock hard in his pyjama bottoms. When he looks up, Kyle is collecting his breaths, staring up at the ceiling and pushing his sweaty hair away from his forehead. A grin spreads across Eric's face.

"You just called me by my first name..."

Kyle lifts his head, brows furrowed, and post-orgasm his scowl is just adorable.

"Shut up..." he mutters.

Eric crawls back up the bed, grinning at Kyle the entire time.

"You never do that."

Kyle just watches with a content, placid smile.

"Did you and Craig do that?"

Eric nods, swiping the head of Kyle's still wet cock and sucking his fingers. Kyle watches with dark eyes and he fidgets with lingering arousal.

"I guess you two being together wasn't so bad if it taught you how to do that."

Eric pulls back, eyes wide and intrigued.

"Wait, were you actually jealous?"

Kyle smirks, flushing even harder.

"A little." He shrugs.

Eric grins, before cupping the side of Kyle's face and bringing him to his lips again. They kiss languidly, before Kyle makes a muffled noise of objection and pulls back.

"Oh shit, wait... I haven't brushed my teeth!" he says, wiping his mouth.

Eric chuckles, shrugging.

"So? Neither have I..." he leans back in to kiss Kyle, and Kyle doesn't object.

"My mouth probably tastes so gross."

Eric shrugs. He doesn't care how Kyle tastes, he would kiss him regardless.

"I love how you taste..." he grins against his lips. "Which is why I don't even care that my mouth just tastes of your dick-"

Kyle shoves Eric away from him with a playful scowl.

"Hate you."

Eric chuckles, before raking his gaze over Kyle, gearing up to say those words again.

"Love you."

Kyle grins, looks at him knowingly.

"Yeah, I love you too," he replies, before they kiss again. "But seriously though," Kyle says in between kisses. "I need to brush my teeth. And shower. You should shower too..."

Eric nods, he does feel a little gross and sweaty.

"You can go first."

"Or we can save water and shower together?" Kyle says, his eyebrows twitch suggestively and he brushes his nose against Eric's.

Eric gulps audibly, and he feels like he has to squeeze his legs together to disguise just how fucking into that he is.

"Really?" he chuckles. "Jesus, dude, I didn't think you'd be so horny."

Kyle rolls his eyes and kisses Eric again.

"Come on," he instructs in between kisses that make whatever he says hard to refuse. "Shower. Before I change my mind."

Eric nods, practically pushing Kyle out of the bed.

* * *

Much to Kyle's delight, Eric had a spare toothbrush under the sink. They brush their teeth side by side, pressed close together in Eric's small bathroom so much so that their hips occasionally bump together. Eric's eyes can't stop wandering to Kyle, dying for him to spit and rinse so they can kiss again. He presses him up against the sink as soon as he can, hands wandering under Kyle's hoodie and Kyle loops his arms around his shoulders to deepen the kiss. He just can't believe he gets to do this.

"Isn't that so much better?" Kyle smiles. The air is warm and minty between them.

Eric nods, hazy. He's reminded of the first time he slept over Kyle's all those years ago.

"Uh-huh," he replies. "You taste so good..."

Eric eventually wrenches himself away from Kyle's lips and is surprisingly confident when they strip off together and step into the shower. Nothing has really happened yet, they have just gone about their usual shower routines. But Eric doesn't care, he's too enthralled by the sight of Kyle's gleaming skin, his fingers digging into his soapy curls, and the shampoo suds travelling down the elegant lines of his shoulders.

"Oh, by the way, sorry if that was weird earlier..." Kyle says, head turned slightly to speak over his shoulder.

Eric blinks.

"What?"

"When I called you 'Eric.'"

Eric smirks, puzzled.

"It wasn't weird." He rakes his gaze over Kyle. "I really liked it."

Kyle's eyebrows shoot up, his eyes and grin twinkling.

"Yeah?"

Eric nods, chewing his lip.

"Yeah. You should call me that more often. Now that we're, um..." Eric looks at his feet, hoping the rest of his sentence can circle the drain. This is the best morning of his life and he doesn't want to ruin it by prematurely giving them a label.

"Dating?" Kyle finishes, with only a small waver of insecurity to his voice.

Eric is glad to hear it. It means that Kyle is just as nervous, he wants this just as much. He takes a quiet, deep breath and grins.

"Dating," he says, and he still can't believe he's associating that word with Kyle.

Kyle shrugs, with a small, coy smile.

"Maybe I will. I don't really know where it came from though," he says, eyebrows drawing together. He continues rinsing shampoo out of his hair. "It just came out."

Eric chuckles and steps closer to Kyle. Their bodies are almost pressed flush together.

"Yeah, while I was getting you off. Maybe you say it when you're turned on?" he asks, and immediately starts placing kisses on the side of Kyle's neck.

His fingers run idly down Kyle's arm, lazier than the steady stream of water from above. Kyle's body flexes and keens to his touch, before melting.

_"Mmm."_ He moans, tilting his head to the side to allow Eric better access. "Let's test that out."

Eric grins against his neck and nods. He spins Kyle around abruptly and smashes their lips together. Kyle moans, muffled, and slips a little on the slippery surface of the tub but Eric keeps him upright. Kyle digs his fingers into his shoulder as he continues to kiss his skin, lapping at the droplets of water there and taking some skin between his teeth and sucking.

"Eric..." Kyle gasps.

A sharper gasp leaves his mouth and he clings to Eric tighter when he reaches between their bodies to jerk him off. Just like before, Kyle keens to Eric's hand instantly.

" _Unnh Eric..."_ he groans. " _Eric..."_

Eric chews his lip in concentration as he jerks Kyle off vigorously, still making sure to kiss and suck at his neck every now and then.

"Um..." Kyle says, voice small before he clears his throat. "You can fuck me, if you want..."

Eric freezes, and pulls back from Kyle's neck. His eyes have widened, his lips have parted, absolutely dumbfounded at what he's heard.

"Suh-seriously? You would want that?"

Kyle shrugs, suddenly shy and fidgety in Eric's arms.

"Yeah, I mean..." he smiles and rolls his eyes. "I was gonna do it with Stan last night anyway so I think I'm ready."

Eric pushes out the thought of Kyle doing it with Stan because that's a hypothetical scenario that will never happen. Kyle chose him. _Kyle wants him_. He blinks, chuckles softly in disbelief.

"You sure?"

Kyle closes his eyes for a second in fond exasperation, but when he nods his eyes are open and staring straight into Eric's.

Eric opens his mouth a couple of times to respond but words are failing him. He finally smirks, tight and reeling to himself before he looks at Kyle.

"You sure you want me to go 'all the way' with you?" he teases.

Kyle rolls his eyes, before looking straight into Eric's eyes, gaze dark and determined.

"No. I want you to fuck me up against the wall."

Eric doesn't bother responding with anything witty or clever, just does the only thing he wants to do right now, which is smash his lips against Kyle's and press him against the wall. He shoves his tongue in Kyle's mouth, faces and bodies fused together so only the rushing stream of water can barely separate them. Their hands slip and skid over each other's arms, and chests, and hips, and Eric's heart leaps into his throat when his fingers brush against places he never thought he would touch, when Kyle squeezes and strokes parts of him he never thought he would see, let alone touch.

Eventually, Eric pulls back to reach for some shampoo - which he thinks is probably the most sufficient lubricant in the vicinity. They both jolt when the cap opens with a loud pop. Kyle stares pointedly as Eric slathers his fingers with it.

"Is that stuff safe to use?"

Eric looks up at Kyle. He didn't even think of that. He nods anyway, because he really thinks it will be fine. He studies the bottle of cheap shampoo and sees it has all kinds of banners declaring that it doesn't have any harsh chemicals.

"Yeah, it's, like, 'kind to skin' or whatever."

Kyle chuckles. The noise is a little nervous, but he's relaxed somewhat. Eric takes that as his cue to begin. He hitches Kyle's leg up and Kyle hooks it around his waist helpfully. Eric smiles at him in reassurance before pushing his fingers inside him. Kyle huffs, whines a little bit and squeezes his eyes shut as Eric tries to push past the tight ring of muscle. He's chewing his lip again in concentration, wriggling his fingers tentatively inside Kyle and wondering how he will even get his dick inside him, let alone how long he will last. Kyle's body is tensing around him, and the last thing Eric wants is to hurt him.

"You okay?" Eric asks, studying Kyle's face.

Kyle nods, and Eric can see his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat and his chest rising and falling with quickening breath.

Eric places a reassuring kiss on Kyle's jaw.

"Just try to relax," he says, face still pressed to Kyle's. "I can't, um... when you're all clenched."

Kyle snorts, and Eric can feel his face heating up. He does start to relax though, especially when Eric finds a gentle rhythm and he's peppering kisses along Kyle's jawline and neck. Eric's mind wanders to what it will be like to actually fuck him, aided by the sounds of Kyle's encouraging whimpers. He's rock hard and he can't wait any longer.

"Ready?"

Kyle gulps, nodding again.

"Yeah..."

Eric pulls his fingers out, hooking his arm under Kyle's right leg and lifting him up, pressed against the wall. Kyle is heavier than Eric expected him to be, but he doesn't let that on when Kyle is looking at him with bright eyes and a wicked half-smile, impressed and exhilarated. As impatient as Eric is, he can't help but place a few eager, giggly pecks to Kyle's lips. He pulls back from Kyle's lips, and lets go of his left leg in order to guide his cock inside Kyle. They lose their balance a little bit, especially as the wall Kyle is pressed up against is incredibly slippery and the angle isn't quite right for Eric to enter him. Kyle's fingers are buried in his shoulder and he's watching Eric intently. Eric huffs and grumbles a little bit as he tries to keep Kyle upright and actually put his dick inside him, but the pressure and frustration is making his cock wilt a little. He flushes and grits his teeth, and his embarrassment is not helping his boner situation.

"Alright?" Kyle asks.

Eric huffs, closing his eyes.

Kyle chuckles, and gives his shoulder a supportive squeeze. Eric sets him down, lowering his head and feeling slightly dejected. He understands if the moment has passed for Kyle, and as much as he wants to do this and as impatient as he is, he can console himself that there will be plenty of moments to come. But just when he feels like all hope is lost, Kyle wraps his hand around his dick. It hardens immediately in his hand.

Eric chokes on a shaky breath, and Kyle is grinning at him with a tooth sunk into his bottom lip. Eric returns the grin, chuckling before tipping his head back and moaning.

" _Fuck yes..."_

After a few seconds, Eric cracks an eye open and shoots Kyle a wicked grin. He turns Kyle around unceremoniously, hands squeezing his hips. 

"Ready?" Eric asks, even though Kyle's hands are already placed to the wall and he's bent over slightly.

Kyle looks over his shoulder and nods anyway. His body tenses again when Eric begins to enter him, and his moans are strained and startled. Eric has to place a hand to the wall initially, mouth falling open as he enters Kyle, his cock enveloped in a warmth and tightness he's never experienced before. They fuck slowly and tentatively, until Kyle becomes comfortable and Eric becomes more urgent. Eric's hand reaches around and finds Kyle's stiff, swollen cock and he's glad that Kyle is finding this as pleasurable as he is. One of Kyle's hand slides away from the wall and finds Eric's, trying to slow his hand down while Eric speeds up, determined to make Kyle cum. Kyle finally does with a loud, broken cry, the water still pelting his back. Eric grins, hazy and satisfied.

A couple more quick thrusts and Eric cums too, groaning and - embarrassingly - whining through the best orgasm of his life. He feels utterly spent, and delirious, and happy. He could collapse onto Kyle's back and sleep. But instead he buries his nose in Kyle's saturated, fragrant hair and inhales the scent, kissing him and murmuring gibberish there., a sobbing carousel of _"fuck yes Kyle love you so much_."

He eventually pulls out. Kyle is a little shaky, and looks as content and hazy as Eric feels when he turns around. Eric keeps his eyes on Kyle as he licks the cum off his fingers, and Kyle crashes their lips together once he's finished. Eric turns the shower off blindly, pressing Kyle up against the wall once more, because he's sure he's increased his mom's water bill significantly with their shower activities. But he doesn't give a fuck about anything right now, except doing this with his best friend - _his boyfriend_ \- all day.

* * *

Eric doesn't know if he can describe a day where he did nothing except hang out in his bedroom as extraordinary, but he's going to do it anyway. Hanging out with Kyle now that they're dating isn't too different from when they would hang out as friends, except he gets to reach over and kiss him, play with his hair, and shove his hand in his pants. They just watched TV, played video games, kissed a lot, and had sex one more time. The second time was a lot easier, and sex in a bed has a lot of advantages over sex in a shower. Eric doesn't think he and Kyle are sex gods yet, and the sex they had was missionary and half-dressed, the kind of syrupy, sentimental, kiss-laden tryst Eric would never imagine enjoying but he loved every second of it.

Kyle only left Eric's house to get changed and to show his family he was still alive, and then Eric picked him up so they could walk to Sizzler together and meet the rest of the guys. They walk there hand-in-hand, and squeeze each other a little tighter as they head into the restaurant. After all, Stan is going to be there and even though he and Kyle were texting earlier and everything appeared to be cool, being confronted by the reality of the situation is still going to be tense for him, as well as for Kyle and Eric.

The guys spot them immediately, eyes drawn to them like they're sat in a pew and about to watch Eric and Kyle tie the knot. Butters is beaming, Kenny is grinning smugly, and Stan's smile is trying to reach his eyes. Out of respect, Kyle and Eric let go of each other, and take small, bracing breaths as they head over to the table.

"Hey guys..." Kyle says with a sigh.

"What's up, lover boy?" Kenny teases. "When are me and Butters gonna have our shot, huh?"

Kyle chuckles thinly, shoulders drawing up and Eric just glares at Kenny.

"Dude."

Kenny raises his hands apologetically.

"Sorry, just thought I'd address the elephant in the room with a joke."

Stan sighs, shakes his head at him across the table.

"Kenny, it's fine." He rakes his gaze over Kyle and Eric and nods, concluding that he's happy with what he sees. "Seriously, you guys look great together."

"You really do!" Butters chirps.

Eric breathes a small sigh of relief through his nose and nods, shoulders dropping and smiling gratefully at Stan.

"Um, Cartman, can we talk?" Stan asks, already on his feet before Eric can respond. "Outside?"

Eric freezes, wary all over again. Why the hell would Stan want to talk to him outside in late December? Only to fight him, right? Still, he nods, not wanting to look chicken if he declines. Also, he supposes it's only natural this would happen. He did steal the dude's boyfriend.

"Sure..."

He gives Kyle a reassuring look only to see that Kyle is doing the exact thing. Eric walks outside with Stan in silence. He folds his arms tightly across his chest when he steps outside because it really is freezing, even if it's not the best defensive position for him to be in. Stan isn't even looking at him, just staring out over the parking lot contemplatively and rubbing his mouth. Eric can't take the silence. He has to say something.

"Dude, if you wanna kick my ass, I get it. But I just want to let you know that I am willing to throw down for him so-"

"I know." Stan sighs. "I know you are. That's why I'm not angry."

Eric's eyebrows raise, and he's too confused and intrigued to feel any kind of relief. It would be premature, anyway.

"You're not?"

"No. No, you and him..." he looks at Eric and he shrugs. "It makes sense? I never thought it would, but it does, and maybe I should never have doubted that because... what the fuck do I know? I've been gone for so long."

Eric frowns, looks at the ground for a bit. Now is his chance to make right something he now realises he had been pretty unfair about.

"Well, it wasn't your call to leave-"

"I know but-"

"Then why should you feel bad? Like, I understand if you do. I used to blame you, and get so mad at you, and want you to feel bad because Kyle was so heartbroken when you left. But if you hadn't gone... I don't know, I wouldn't have what I have with Kyle." Eric says, and a smile dares to creep across his face. "Not just romantically. He's the most amazing friend I've ever had. I used to think... Stan never knew how lucky he was. To have him. And when you came back, I was so scared that I would lose everything. I hated how easy you made it to come back because he loved you so much. He loves you. Maybe not in the same way as he, um, loves me, but he'll always love you."

Stan's smile crinkles, and he looks back inside the Sizzler before shaking his head.

"I don't feel like I deserve it though."

Eric shrugs, helpless.

"Neither do I. But maybe we don't need to deserve it? Maybe we should just accept it and fucking roll with it." He laughs weakly.

Stan looks up at him with a wry, but ultimately grateful smile.

"Thanks, Cartman."

"For what?"

Stan shrugs.

"Everything. Being there for him, making him happy... being so unbelievably cool about it all."

"I wasn't cool about it," Eric admits. "Seeing you two together killed me."

He could take all the glory, but it wouldn't feel right.

Stan's smile broadens.

"And that's why you deserve him. I'm glad you guys have worked things out."

Eric nods, and they return to the restaurant just as silently as they left it. Conversation is happening at their table without them, but it's easy to slip into.

"Okay?" Kyle whispers, his hand on top of Eric's, but hidden under the table.

Eric smiles at him, never feeling better.

"Yeah, perfect," he replies, giving Kyle's hand a squeeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! This wasn't my most epic multi-chapter but it was still so much fun, and I'm so grateful for all the comments, follows, kudos, and bookmarks! It means the world to me, so thank you so much for everything! 
> 
> As for future fics, I am still absolutely buzzing from the special and the oneshot I've been planning was pre-Vaccination Special but actually the dynamic of the main four ( :'( ) in that ep does lend itself well to what I've been planning. So consider that oneshot a way of me working through my feelings regarding that lol I also have a multi-chapter in mind for the not so distant future, and I would love it if you could join me for that too!
> 
> Playlist updated: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=_lESU0R3TR6KL2-wKBJo0g
> 
> Songs added:
> 
> I Dare You - The Regrettes
> 
> Paper Rings - Taylor Swift
> 
> Lemon Boy (Acapella Version) - Cavetown
> 
> It's Nice to Have A Friend - Taylor Swift

**Author's Note:**

> As always you can find the playlist here (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4TDKCYAUL9AuQTgeHBXhTx?si=XKaGM_riQFOF_cUATmbMaQ). There's not a lot of songs on here yet, but I'll add more as I update the fic.
> 
> Songs added in this chapter are:
> 
> Landslide by Fleetwood Mac  
> The Suburbs by Arcade Fire  
> Drop the Guillotine by Peach Pit  
> Uncomfortable by Wallows
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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